I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more.
~ "First Love," John Clare
My heart still hasn't returned to me. Instead, a big part of it goes off with Jeff every time he leaves for work or another activity. Sometimes I stand at our big front window and watch him drive away in the Jeep, and I think, "There goes my heart!"
Jeff expressed that same emotion in a much more eloquent manner when he penned this letter immediately after our farewell when I flew home from Israel and he remained there to work on a dig. He wrote...
09 May 96
O my so very dear Happy,
I sit here in the airport after saying goodbye. O how I love you. O how my heart aches already. You have been so good to me. More than I deserved, you are wonderful.
I haven't read your letter yet, I will in a moment. But first I must express these feelings to you. I will never regret asking you to marry me - I've wanted you more than breath itself. Thanks for saying, "God only knows," and not being harsher with me. I miss you already. It's not going to be easy for me - you are a piece of me now and always will be. O how I love you. Now, I will read your letter.
Thank you. Thank you so much. The card is excellent, the letter beautiful, and the pictures, O the pictures I will cherish. O I thank you for your gentle kindness. You have been so tender to me. O Davene, how can I let you go? I feel I could die. I keep thinking of Philip [a man who had worked at the school we attended in Jerusalem] and his heart attack! Don't worry. :) I have a strong and powerful heart, thanks be to our father! ;-)
Don't forget my words, they will hold true. I love you - I need you - you'd be a great asset to me. O how could I let you slip away? What could I have done to keep you? Surely, if I had known of anything, I would have done it.
...
Goodbye my happiness,
Forever your Yaquir [a Hebrew word that means Dear...he called me Happy, and he was my Yaquir]
His letter arrived in an Air Mail envelope...
...the sight of which would become very familiar to me during the coming months. Such delight those letters brought to my heart! The part of my heart that was left with me, that is. The rest of it was being carried around Israel by my beloved. He's never given it back. ;-)
2 comments:
Wow, this is so beautiful! I'm sure every women/man who is parted from their spouse can deeply relate.
So much we take for granted...
Thanks for sharing.
You totally just put into words exactly how I feel about my husband.
"My heart still hasn't returned to me. Instead, a big part of it goes off with Jeff every time he leaves for work or another activity. Sometimes I stand at our big front window and watch him drive away in the Jeep, and I think, "There goes my heart!""
On thursday my husband was given an ultimatum at work. He could stay at his current job site and take a guaranteed lay off in 2 weeks or he could be transferred and take a job 8 hrs. away from home, until April. and when he comes home hopefully there will be work. He was given 1 hr. to make the decision.
It has been a huge upheaval to our family. He has to be at the job site on monday! So we have decided we are going to go down as a family and live temporarily there. Hopefully to come home some weekends. There are so many things to consider. I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions! I cry, I feel like a crazy lady... And yet I know that I am going to be fine, Because I am going where my heart goes! I told my husband today. I would be a complete worthless basket case if I was packing him up to go, and sending him off alone! It would be devastating for me.
Only having 2 days to process what is going on and pack everything we need and lodging. Has been lunacy BUT I know that my earthly home is where my heart! It is worth it.
Thank You for sharing with us these beautiful letters. They are so special.
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