Speaking of Love #10

On whom should I lean, if not on you?  My weary mind turns for refreshment to the thought of you as a dusty traveller might sink onto a soft and grassy bank.

~ Gustave Flaubert

During the summer of '96, Jeff came to Virginia for the first time.  It was a glorious visit; and during that time, Jeff managed to convince my parents that I should marry him...and almost convince me.  I wasn't quite ready to say yes, but I was getting closer.  :)

You might think that, because he was with me during those weeks, he didn't write letters.  You'd be wrong.  He continued to write; and tonight as I glance beside me at the little stack of letters scrawled on pieces of paper torn from a notebook, I'm reminded of how sweetly he wooed me and how thoroughly he overwhelmed me--in a good way.  :)

On July 21, he wrote:

Good morning, Love - 

I'm not dreaming, but it feels like I am!  Thank you so much!  I love you!

The next day:

Good morning, "Wonderful"!

O Happy, you are incredible...  Thank you for your love.  You have me in awe; I don't understand you!  You and your family are too much.  Where did you guys come from?  Surely, I feel like I am in Paradise.  Thank you so much!  I love you!

Two days later:

Dearest Happy - 

I just had to write to tell you something I always seem to fumble at when I try verbally.  I want to say thank you.  Thank you for yesterdays and thank you for today.  Never in my life could I write or imagine the fantastic fairy tale you have made my life seem like.  In the radiance of the good things, our little squabbles and problems seem as a speck comparably.

Thank you specifically for yesterday:  it was a "perfect" day with a "perfect" lady!  I had one of the most momentous and fun days of my entire life!  You indeed, Happy, have run off over me like the joyous wine glass of Shabbat.

O Davene, one more thing, my fondest of dears (even out of 38), I love you immensely.

Yours always,

Jeffrey

The 38 dears/deers refers to the number of deer we saw on the Skyline Drive as we drove home from Washington, D.C. the previous night.  What a night.  It was incredible to see so many, and they got so close to the car that we thought they were going to stick their head right in the window.   :)

During the course of the past 10 days of sharing these letters, a few people have asked questions.  Like...

~ Does Jeff know you're doing this?  (Of course!  Before I started this project, I asked him if it would be OK with him; and he said yes.)

~ Is Jeff reading your blog?  (Yes!  I'm honored that he always takes the time to read what I write.  He is extremely supportive, and I am extremely grateful!)

One friend emailed me and shared how this theme is blessing her relationship with her husband:  "It's wonderful and encouraging.  It has inspired me to dig down deep in our hope chest and pull our love letters out, too!  It keeps it all in perspective and helps us to remember the beauty and importance of each other and the commitment we've made."  Yes!  That's why I'm doing this!  (Besides the simple fact that it's fun for me to reminisce in this way...)  As I highlight the very good things about Jeff, I hope that those of you who are married and are reading this will never think, "Well, good grief, I wish my husband were as romantic as that."  Instead, I hope you'll appreciate your own husband for who he is and what he excels in...and I hope you'll spend a little time taking your own memories out of the back of the closet where they might have been pushed next to last summer's sandals and those jeans you outgrew three pregnancies ago.  Close your eyes.  Remember what it was like to meet your husband for the first time, to finally be kissed by him (after having daydreamed endlessly about his lips), to hear his expressions of love and know that your feelings for him were returned in full and would not, as you had feared, fall flat on the floor to be crushed by the weight of rejection.  Remember.  Be grateful.  Rejoice.

Even while I rejoice, my heart aches in a special way for my single friends.  I wonder if you do as I might do in your shoes:  not read these posts because it makes the longing greater.  Oh my friends, I wish I could ease your pain.  I wish I could suddenly produce the "perfect' husband for each of you.  I wish I could say more than the platitudes of "trust God; He has a great plan for your life" and "wait patiently while you let God write your love story, because in the end you'll see that He has only the best in mind for you."  Those sayings are true, of course; but I remember my times of loneliness as a single woman and how even true statements that were intended to encourage and build up and increase faith sometimes felt so empty and flat and heart-wrenchingly painful.

Maybe someday I should dig out my old journals from when I was single and include some excerpts from those.  That would certainly give a different perspective!  

One thing I've learned from being single and being married:  contentment is a challenge for ALL of us.  My prayer for myself and for those of you who read this is that, like Paul in Philippians 4, we could say with joy and sincerity, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..."