Speaking of Love #15

Being an artist at romance does not require so much a sentimental and emotional nature as it requires a thoughtful nature.  When we think of the romantic things, we think of events that occur because someone made a choice to love.

~ H. Norman Wright

During the long, slowly-passing months of our engagement, Jeff and I had plenty of opportunities to make the choice to love.  Our long-distance relationship, with him in California and me in Pennsylvania, was not easy at all.  Rather than being a smooth ride of gradually-escalating peaceful bliss and excitement, it was a roller coaster ride with sudden ups and downs and the kind of spins and turns that leave a person with a headache!  We had some WONDERFUL times during those eight months, but we also had some challenging moments.  This letter from Jeff gives a glimpse of the agony of being so far apart from each other during that time...

24 Oct 96

Thursday

Dear Davene - 

How are you today?  I am doing better...moments away from my history essay exam.  I'll be glad when it's over...I hope I pass, but I'm to that over-saturation point, I don't care too much anymore.  All that matters is you.

I want to thank you again for the photos...I put them in one of those Israel small albums and carry them in my briefcase.  It is so nice to have pictures of you to look at and share with others.  I love you, Davene.

Well, I know you had a busy day today...and I apologize for the rough call last night.  It is not easy being so far apart.  I want to be more involved in your life...that when you help in someone's recital, I could be there, too...but I can't.  I wish I could be more of an encouragement to your life, I wish I knew more of its details, I wish I could go to your classes with you and follow your day so I could relate better...I am sorry if I seem distant, a "stranger."  I wish it was different, I long for it to be different, some day it will be different.  O Davene, I do love you...I won't give up.  I get discouraged being slotted after midnight on your schedule, but I understand.  You are worth it all, some have it harder.  My sister and Mike had no phone calls and 10 days between letters.  I should be thankful.  Perez just arrived so it's time to take my test...

The test is over...I did not do the greatest.  None of the essay questions he selected were exactly what I studied...Oh well, it is over and I am glad.  It is one more thing off my shoulders for now.

O Davene, I miss you...I am sitting in my car listening to a Christian music station...not all the kind of music I think is conducive to Christianity, but it stirs my emotions to miss you even more and right now that's all I can seem to concentrate on...if Jenks Lake wasn't open to the public, I think I'd head up there and go swimming right now.  I think I will drive and go see...I need an escape, I need to relax, I need a break...some entertainment.  I love you.

Well, I am at the lake, but I am sorry to find out they have No Swimming signs up and the lake keeper said "No" to me - it's too cold.  (Not for me.)  I am tempted to do it anyway...what can they do?  Arrest me for swimming in a lake?  The world is too full of regulations in some regards...regulations without exceptions!  O to be free on God's earth.  I suppose it's a little windy today anyway.  Clouds are in the sky, and it's about 60 degrees F.  I've swam this lake with ice and snow on its shores...it's too bad I am not permitted to swim it today.  O well, I will enjoy the sounds of nature, far from civilization...the ducks wrestling in the water, the pine needles swaying in the wind, the birds chirping and the occasional sound of woodpeckers and squirrels.  If we live in A.O. [Angelus Oaks, a little village on the way up the mountain to Big Bear, CA], this will be a quick, easy place for us to frequent if we like.  (Even at night.)  :)  A campfire on the shore would be nice someday.  :)  I love you!

...Hours later, the reflection of the sun rays on the lake is beautiful as the sun begins to set...I'd better get back to school.  I will stop here in A.O. to see if I can get a rental sheet and mail this letter off...

I love you, Davene,

Jeffrey