The Richness of Both Experiences

Confession:  I started--and intended to finish--this post months ago.

Another confession:  I stole the title of this post.  It comes straight from a comment that dear Anne left on this post; and as soon as I read it, I realized that she had expressed EXACTLY how I was feeling.  Being a mother of sons is such an amazing privilege, and so is being a mother of daughters!  One is not better than the other in the least, but how delighted I am that God has seen fit to bless me with this double richness.  To know intimately what it is like to raise boys and now to raise a girl fills my heart with such thankfulness!

Sometimes I wonder to myself, "Will it really be that different?  After all, babies start out the same, being completely helpless, needing the loving care of a family for basic survival in every way.  Whether it's a girl-child or a boy-child doesn't change that."  But most of the time, I realize, "This is going to be like nothing I've ever done before."

When does the change happen, I wonder?   Besides basic anatomy and a need for different diaper-changing strategies for girls v. boys, when do the differences become apparent?  When does the way the child thinks, acts, communicates really set him or her apart as being male or female?  I'll let you know if I figure it out...  ;-)

Today I was looking through the pregnancy journal I meticulously filled out when I was carrying Josiah.  Like a typical first-time mother, I wrote in every blank and filled the picture pages completely.  Even though I wasn't blogging back in those days, my first pregnancy is certainly well-documented.  I LOVE that journal; and if there were ever a fire in our house, that is one of the things I'd like to grab on my way out the door!!  :)

On the page titled "Anticipation," I listed a number of things I was looking forward to as a mother:

~ holding my baby in my arms

~ rocking in the rocking chair

~ reading books to my child

~ taking pictures of the baby

~ nursing

~ going for walks with the baby in the stroller

~ introducing my little one to family and friends

~ loving Jeff in new ways as we love our child together

~ teaching my child the values and principles that my parents and the Bible have instilled in me

~ learning again

~ seeing the world in fresh ways

~ helping my child with schoolwork, and refreshing my memory about things I've forgotten (like long division!)  *as an aside, I had NOT A CLUE that I would ever homeschool my children; that was the furthest thing from my mind in those days  :)

~ making cookies together

~ teaching my child to play the piano

~ going to concerts together

~ going to the zoo, the park, the beach

~ reaching out as a family to other families

It occurred to me, as I was reading the list this afternoon, that all of those activities could be done with either a girl baby or a boy one; and as a matter of fact, when I wrote it, we did not yet know that Josiah was a boy.  I rejoice that I have been lavishly blessed with the opportunity to do these much-anticipated things, not just once, but four times so far with my four unbelievably precious sons.  I can hardly wait to do these things with my daughter, too!

But I almost want to start a new list.  I don't know exactly what I would put on it; but it would be the things I am looking forward to doing, AS A MOTHER OF A DAUGHTER.  Tea parties, for example.  Dressing paper dolls together.  Combing my girl's hair.  Choosing beautiful feminine clothes for her.  Talking, as she grows, about the wonder of being a woman.  Watching her develop the skills of homemaking, and giving her opportunities to pursue the areas that she is most interested in.  Giggling together.  

When it comes to mothering sons, I don't claim to be any kind of expert; but the 9+ years of experience that I have, combined with the insights I've gleaned from books and conversations, have given me some confidence that I know a little of what to expect from a man-cub.  Of course, there are still times when I feel utterly frustrated and can't decide between throwing my hands up in the air or pulling out great handfuls of my hair.  But in general, particularly with the younger boys, I don't feel completely clueless.

But with a daughter!  I suddenly realize that I have so much to learn!  As much as I seek to enhance and hasten my education by reading books and listening to the advice of others, I know full well that experience will be the teacher that truly educates me.  And there's no way to hurry that.

Rather than feeling nervous or anxious about this steep learning curve ahead of me, I mostly feel a deep, abiding sense of gratitude that I even have this opportunity.  Truly, I would have been thrilled to have another son.  But to be given a daughter is to be given the chance to taste a new flavor in life, to savor a unique parenting experience, to watch a different kind of child learn and grow.  As Anne said, it really is "the richness of both experiences."  

As our family has grown past the two-child model that is so common in America, I've thought this over and over: I'm so glad we didn't stop having children.  After Tobin was born, I thought, "I'm so glad we have him and not just Josiah and David."  After Shav came along, I thought, "I'm so glad we've been blessed with another one and didn't call it quits after Tobin."  And again, as I bear the joys and challenges of this pregnancy, I am reminded that I am so extremely glad we didn't stop with just four children.  

I would feel that way in either case--whether this little one was a boy or a girl.  But knowing that I'm carrying a daughter gives extra significance to my thanksgiving.

I hope this is coming across right.  I have many friends who have either all boys or all girls, and I don't want to say anything that would imply that they haven't been blessed as much as I have...or that, if they just kept trying, they would eventually get one of the opposite sex to "complete" their family...or that they're somehow missing out if they don't have both boys and girls.  Far, far, FAR from it!!   All I really want to do is share what's on my heart...and say THANK YOU to God for this precious gift.

What I want to say is that I have LOVED the years of being surrounded by my little men, the years of washing clothes in all shades of blue, the years of watching as my house was invaded by hordes of every kind of wheeled vehicle known to man, the years of being an audience as these boys fought and defended me against every kind of imaginary invader--from snakes and bears to Star Wars characters and assorted other "bad guys."  

But now a time is coming when a bit of pink will be seen in the house...

...and a flash of lace will temper the otherwise mostly-masculine atmosphere of our home.

I won't be the only female!  My daughter will be, in some ways, more like me than any other person on earth.  With amazement similar to Adam's, I feel like exclaiming, "She will be bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!"

With amazement and awe, I joyfully accept from the Lord the responsibility to be a mother to sons and now to a daughter.  With hands raised and a heart trembling, I say thank you to God for blessing me with the richness of both experiences.

*To read Anne's own reflections on this topic, click here for the very kind post she wrote back in November.