The Authority Chart

Tired of hearing my boys trying to boss each other around (with dismal results, since the boss-ee always got mad at the boss-er), I decided to take action.  I whipped out a piece of paper and a pen and got to work.

"Look," I said.  "This is how it goes.  At the top is God, and under Him is Daddy."  I started drawing names and lines on my paper.  "God has authority over Daddy.  Under Daddy is Mommy because the Bible tells me that I need to submit to him.  I also submit to God; I am under God's authority, as well as Daddy's authority."

I looked up to see if little eyes were watching me or had gone completely blank.  They were with me, especially because they were wondering what I was going to draw next.  Time to ask them a question.

"Next comes Josiah and then David, but where should I draw them?"

One suggested that David's name would be written under Josiah's name.  Seeing my opportunity, I pounced.

"Wrong!" I exclaimed, grateful that they had expressed that thought because that was EXACTLY the point I was making.  "David does NOT go under Josiah.  They are on the same level.  Equal.  All of you boys are."  More names and lines drawn on the chart.

To make sure it had sunk in, I asked them silly questions.  "Does Tobin have to obey Shav?"

Heads shook no, and grins brightened faces.

"Does David have to obey Tobin?"

No again.  

We continued with such questions as, "Does Josiah have authority over Mommy?" and "Does God have to obey Daddy?" which made them laugh.

It was time to introduce a new concept:  the umbrella.

"You see, boys, authority is like an umbrella.  God's authority is over all of us; His umbrella reaches over us and protects us.  As long as we stay under the shelter of His umbrella, we're safe."  (Not implying that bad things never happen to good people, but that's a topic for another day's discussion!)  "When we step out from under the protection of His umbrella, we suffer the consequences.  When you obey Daddy's and my authority, you are safe under our umbrella and we can protect you.  Does that make sense?"

"Yes," they chorused, with genuine interest in their eyes and voices.  Or maybe they were just intrigued by my attempt to draw an umbrella.  I've never claimed to be an artist.  ;-)

"A problem occurs when you boys try to put your umbrellas over each other.  David, is Tobin under your umbrella?"

A dutiful head shake no.

"Tobin, is it OK for you to put your umbrella over David?  Is it OK for you to have authority over him?"

Another no.

I continued with my explanation, hoping fervently that it was sinking in.  "Many times I hear you all try to command each other to do something, but that's not OK because you don't have authority over each other.  You can ask each other, but not command.  You cannot expect that your brother will obey you."

With a view to the future, I said, "Is anyone under your umbrella now?  No!  Just you!  But someday, Lord willing, you will marry, and then your wife--and your children, if you're blessed in that way--WILL be under your umbrella.  You'll have authority over them.  But for now, you can't put your umbrella over anyone."

Wanting to be encouraging and end on a positive note, I went on, "Having brothers is such a gift, and you all can be each other's buddies and best friends.  You can play together, help each other, look out for each other, and so much more.  It's wonderful!  But you need to be careful to put your umbrellas away, if you start commanding each other to do something."

Smiles all around...peaceful hearts...mission accomplished.  For the moment anyway.  These kinds of things need frequent repetition; and although I had drawn this chart previously for Josiah and David, I realized that it had been quite a while.  I'm not sure that David remembered it, and certainly Tobin did not.  I expect that in another year or two, we'll be doing this again--to remind the older ones and to teach little Shav about authority, umbrellas, and the like.

 When David saw what I was doing, he got himself a piece of paper and copied my chart.  I think he did a terrific job with it!

The original chart I drew got taped to the underneath side of the top bunk of Tobin's bed; that way, when he lies in his bed (the bottom bunk) at night with his head on his pillow, he'll look up and see the chart.  Think he'll learn the lesson quicker that way?
 ;-)

Simply drawing a chart and having a talk doesn't solve all issues of siblings and authority, of course.  But these days, I have a quicker, more effective way of reminding the boys of how they should relate to each other.  I simply say, "Put your umbrella away," and they instantly get the message that they're overstepping their bounds and need to back off.

If you happen to be spending time with us anytime soon and you hear us talking about putting umbrellas away, but you don't see any rain--or any umbrellas, for that matter--now you'll know what we mean.  :)