45

On this day 45 years ago, a baby boy was born--a boy that would significantly affect the course of my life (even though I wasn't born yet).  ;-)  That boy, of course, is my beloved.

 Because of family schedules, it worked better for us to celebrate his birthday a little early this year.  Tobin helped me make a "Shank cake" (essentially a chocolate/mint cake, but called "Shank cake" by us because we first had this cake in the home of some local Old Order Mennonites--the parents of our next-door neighbor--on Christmas Day 2006), and he did not put too much baking soda in the batter.  ;-)  The only little "problem" occurred when I got ready to put the candles on the cake and realized that I don't have a "5" candle!  That was the one that Tobin, thinking it was something yummy, bit into when David turned 5, and we've used it since then (and laugh every time); but I guess the last time we used it, we got rid of it since it was so burnt down by then.  I had not checked our candle supply and had not replaced it, so we had to use single candles to indicate the "5" part of Jeff's age.  Someone remarked that it actually looked like 411,111; but let me assure you that Jeff is not older than four hundred thousand years.  ;-)

 I love this man more than I can say, and yet I try to find the words to express how much he means to me.  It's an impossible task.

 The thing that keeps coming to my mind recently, in regards to our relationship, is this: during this intensely busy season of life, with little ones who physically demand so much care and medium and big ones who need so much time, I often feel like Jeff and I get the left-overs of each other.  By the time all the kids are in bed and asleep, I am wiped out by a day of caring for them; and he is exhausted by all the things he's done each day; and we're not seeing each other at our best.  This has been especially true during the past few months as I've necessarily had to give large quantities of time to Benjamin--not to mention to the other children and to homeschooling and to homemaking and so forth.  I have felt much regret that I can't seem to make Jeff as high a priority in my schedule as he is in my heart!

But this is what I've realized: this phase of life doesn't last forever (duh!).  The children will grow up; and even though I'm not in a hurry for that to happen, I do look forward to the days when Jeff and I return to the "main-course" phase of our relationship, rather than the "left-over" one.  If God graciously grants long life to us, the time will come when we'll enter the empty nest phase, and rather than seeing each other in passing--kissing in the parking lot as I pick up Tobin from the barber shop and Jeff takes Josiah to speech & debate club, for example; or saying a few words to each other as Jeff wakes up to go to work and I head back to bed after nursing Benjamin--we will have time, glorious TIME, to be together.  Just him and I.  To talk, to be quiet, to go places, to stay at home, to share with each other the things that we're reading and learning and experiencing and dreaming about.

Main-course days will come again, and there is no one I would rather share the rest of my life with than the baby boy born 45 years ago.  :)

Happy birthday, Jeff!  You are deeply loved.