I've done a fair amount of floating today, buoyed up by the knowledge we learned yesterday at our ultrasound--we're having a boy!!!
Now before I go any further, let me say that if we had found out that we are having a girl, I'm sure I would have felt an equal amount of elation, because truly, either way would have been great! But as it is, I'm so very excited to know that a tiny little son is growing within me!
There are a few reasons why it just feels right for this to be a boy...
1. Jeff and I felt all along that it was a boy. For me, I can't pinpoint why--certainly there was nothing specific about the pregnancy that made me convinced it was a boy, since all my pregnancies have pretty much felt alike--but for some reason, there was an underlying current of "boy" rippling through my mind.
2. Jeff and I had talked about how special it would be for Moriah to keep her "only girl" status. Of course, she is so special (as are all our children!), with or without that status; but we weren't overly eager to share the daddy/daughter or mommy/daughter relationship with someone else. Again, if this had been a girl, we would obviously have been thrilled; but since this is a boy, I'm feeling free to jot down some of the thoughts and conversations we had been having about it.
3. Long ago, when I bought frames for the family picture corner in my bedroom, I bought five frames that said "the BOYS." We only had four boys at the time, but something nudged me to go ahead and buy a fifth one; and I've hung onto it through the years, waiting...just in case... :)
4. When we were choosing names for this baby, I initially liked the girl name more than the boy one; but it didn't take long for the boy name to grow on me so much that I almost couldn't imagine not using it. And speaking of names...
5. Unlike my siblings and I, all of whom have "D" as our first initial, none of my children have the same first initial; but the girl name we chose did repeat the initial of one of our kids. To us, it wasn't such a huge deal; but we found out yesterday that it was sort of a big deal to our kids, especially to Josiah. He was really happy that each of the kids would still have his/her own initial. :)
6. Recently when I have seen or thought about little babies, I've been most mushy in my heart toward newborn baby boys--maybe because it's been so long since I had one? Though she is three, perhaps Moriah remains more of a baby in my mind, so my drive to have a baby girl has not been as strong as my desire for a baby boy. Shav will be six before this baby is born, and six years is a long time to go without dressing a child in sweet little blue outfits! ;-)
7. As I mentioned quite early in this pregnancy, my own close relationship with my next oldest sibling, who happens to be a boy, reminds me that brother/sister friendships are very real and very precious!
8. Most of all, as time goes by, my faith in God's sovereignty over the happenings in my family increases as I see His hand at work. I'm more convinced all the time that He is the one who opens and closes the womb, despite all our efforts to control that; and I'm also fully committed to the idea that He has a perfect plan for my family that includes the sex of each baby, as well as the timing of each pregnancy. Even though quite a few people expressed that having a sister for Moriah would be a wonderful thing, it's clear that God knew that a little brother for her would be better! About a year ago, I read something in one of the Duggars' books that still comes to mind from time to time; it was about the "ten unchangeable things about ourselves that make each person a unique individual," and two of those things were "our gender" and "our birth order and placement in our family." If Moriah ever frets because she doesn't have a sister, I hope that she will find her own faith in God strengthened as we remind her that the fact that her younger sibling is a boy wasn't random at all, but was part of God's amazing plan for our family!