The Second Seven

(Series introduction is here.  The first "seven" is here.)

Before I begin discussing the topic of clothing, let me reiterate what I wrote in the post about food:  It's easy to think about all the things we're already doing right.  But it's transformative to think about what we're not.  I include that here to remind myself of it, because honestly, if there's any area in which I'm tempted to pat myself on the back and say I'm doing just fine, it's probably this one.  But here we go: let's reflect on this, and see where it takes us.

Clothing

Jen Hatmaker, who wrote the book that all these posts are referring to, limited herself to 7 items of clothing for a month.  Just like with food, I'm not being that radical, which might not be a good thing; but to tell you the truth, I really don't think I'm extravagant in this area at all.

For example...

When Jeff needed more space for his police gear (he's part of the auxiliary police force in our town and consequently, has a lot of STUFF that goes along with that--more than I realized police officers have!), I gave up half of my closet for him.  He had suggested bringing home a cabinet from the barber shop to use to store his uniforms and supplies, but one thing I did NOT want was another piece of furniture in our bedroom.  So I said, "You can have half my closet!"  :)  It's not a huge closet either, just a typical 1970's-era bedroom closet.  After I had moved my things over to fit in one half and had put Jeff's police gear in the other half, he peered into the closet and asked, "Where did you put all your stuff?"  "Well," I replied, "I don't really have much stuff."  :)

Another example...

Almost everything we buy for clothing, we get at thrift stores--or, in the case of the boys, we are given them.  I guess folks know that we appreciate hand-me-downs because every so often, one of Jeff's co-workers or some other friend will hand us a couple of trash bags full of boys' clothes.  What a blessing!

I have so much fun finding great items at thrift stores that I honestly don't even enjoy the process of going to the mall or to a department store to shop for clothes.  I was reminded recently of how, when we moved back to the States after living in Israel for several years, I knew I would need to buy some clothes because we had only brought back a few suitcases of possessions.  I decided to go to some outlet stores that are close to my sister-in-law's house where we were staying, so off I went, money in hand, ready to spend some on new clothes.

I very nearly couldn't buy a thing.  In fact, I think I didn't buy anything--or very little--that first shopping trip.  It was just too much, too overwhelming.  Although the shock of clothes-shopping in an American outlet store has worn off, I still cringe (most of the time) at the thought of paying for new clothes.

That doesn't stop me from desiring new (used) clothes however.  I admit to being susceptible to comfort-shopping; I sometimes crave the "happiness" boost that comes from a new outfit or two.  As a matter of fact, not too long ago, I felt like I needed more clothes, and I wanted to go to Goodwill to look for some.  Then I realized that I really didn't need more shirts; I just wanted them.  I didn't go to Goodwill.  :)

I did, however, realize that there are some really basic things that I need, like jeans, so I bought those at Kmart when it was going out of business.  I now know that I should have gone to a thrift store rather than Kmart, but I was curious to see how big the savings would be at Kmart and what they would have left.  When I got there, I ended up buying more than I needed, just because it was "a good deal," which in reality cost me more than it would have at a secondhand shop.  I'm still kicking myself a little for that one.

One more example...

I have very few shoes.  I don't have even a drop of Imelda Marcos-type blood in me because accumulating shoes holds precisely zero appeal for me.  Do you know how many pairs of shoes I wore this past winter?

Two.  Occasionally a third.

I had a pair of brown boots that I wore about half the time (more about those in a minute), and a pair of tennis shoes that I wore about half the time.  The rest of the time (I know my math is wrong) ;-), I wore a pair of black boots if I couldn't get away with brown ones (the black ones hurt my feet and make me wish for a different pair) and, once in a while, bedroom slippers.  :)  (I'm not counting snow boots in this census of the shoes in the bottom of my closet, but I will mention that I do have snow boots which I use, obviously, when it snows.)

That's it.

Now that it's summer, I actually have a few more pairs of shoes to choose from.  Let's see...there's a pair of black flip-flops given out by the Red Cross for giving blood some years back.  I have a pair of brown flip-flops which I make do double duty by acting at times like brown dressy sandals.  I have a pair of black sandals which have been around for...well...a long time.  Last year I got a pair of cream-colored flats at Walmart.  And that's all!  Good enough for me.  :)

Let me tell you about the brown boots.  When I was pregnant with Josiah--let's see, that would be the fall of 2001--I got a pair of brown boots, which I LOVED and wore often.  I distinctly remember wearing them when Jeff and I went country line dancing in San Diego one time.  There I was, obviously pregnant, kicking up my heels in brown boots which I thought were THE CAT'S MEOW.  :)  Those boots went with us to Israel, then returned to the States with us, and I continued to wear them often.

As you know, nothing lasts forever, and so it was with those boots.  After 12 years of frequent use, they had worn out, and it was time to say goodbye.  Here they are, in all their aged glory!  :)

This was the main problem...

...the one that made me realize--finally--that it was time to let them go.

So I did!  I let them go, then Jeff and I went shopping, during one of our dates, for a new pair of brown boots for me.

We found a pair that I liked and that felt good on my feet (an important consideration--one that is, in fact, getting even more important as I get older--I had been having some recurring pain in my left foot, so I knew I needed to get boots that were actually comfortable).  But they cost...oh, I don't know...maybe $80?  Jeff would probably remember.  :)

Frankly, I was having a hard time feeling OK about spending that much money for shoes.  Probably the last time I had shoes that cost that much was when I was in high school and playing basketball on the team.  (Wasn't it true that if I got the "good," expensive Nike shoes, my playing would improve overnight??)  :)  Jeff convinced me to get them, and I'm glad he did.  (Because if he hadn't, I would have had to wear just my tennis shoes all winter!)  ;-)

Well, now that I've described some areas in which I do not spend to excess and I do have healthy limitations in the area of clothing, let me say that there are ways in which I fall short and in which I'm striving to change to be even more like Jesus in the realm of clothing.  I suppose the biggest change during the past few months has been to really assess honestly whether I actually need new clothes or not.  When I do, it's fine to get them and to enjoy that (and to not feel guilty, for example, because I needed new jeans because all my other pairs had holes in the knees).  I think in all of these areas, as we thoughtfully and gratefully buy what we need, we can be happy about that!  No need for guilt trips.  :)

But I'll confess that many times, I don't really need the things I think I need.  My perception of need is so skewed that what seems to me to be necessities actually becomes a vast pool of stuff that isn't necessary in the least.  I want that to change.

So practically, what am I doing in this area to change?  Well, I've continued to declutter--which I love to do and am always in the process of doing to some extent.  As I do laundry, as I sort through my children's clothing, as I open my drawer of short-sleeved shirts, it's just natural to spot things from time to time that we don't use/need anymore, like I did recently with some of my shirts, then pull those out to be put in a box to drop off at Gift and Thrift.

That's just a part of life.  That's easy.

The change I'm seeing that is so much more significant for me at this stage of life is that, when the thought flits into my head, "Oh, we need that!  I'll just go right now and write it down on our shopping list," rather than automatically grabbing a pen to write it down, I now (try to always) pause to ask myself, "Are you sure we really need this?  Are you certain it should go on the shopping list?  Is there a way we can do without it?"  That response of "I think we need this" = "I'll write it on the list" was so quick and automatic that it's actually been surprising to me how much of a challenge it is to go against that.

I'm determined to grow in this area however.  My goals are simple: to be content with what I have, to hold with open hands the possessions I do have so that I find it easy to share with others, and to be wise and careful as I make decisions about future clothing purchases.

And also, to never again get carried away by impulse buying at a Kmart going-out-of-business sale!  ;-)

One final note: if shoes, for example, were a great love of mine and were a huge temptation area for me, I would feel like I had more to pat myself on the back about.  As it is, I hardly care about shoes, so it's easy for me to go all winter alternating between two pairs of shoes.  My "restraint" in this area would actually mean something if the love of shoes was stronger in me!  So if the love of shoes is strong in you, don't compare yourself to me.  All I ask is that you listen for your Master's voice whispering in your ear, telling you what He desires for your life.

Who knows?  Maybe, just maybe, you'll hear His voice encouraging you to drop off a pair of shoes at Gift and Thrift, next time you're in town running errands.  ;-)

(This series of posts concludes here.)

A Feast of Friendship

During the height of the busy school season, when days always seem to be filled with not just our regular school activities here at home, but also some pretty important extracurriculars, entire weeks at a time go by without us having anyone over, or meeting up with anyone for friendship time.  My head is full of good intentions as the school year begins about how I can incorporate more hospitality into my schedule, but it doesn't take me too long to realize that, once again, I have to adjust my aspirations to fit my reality.  And the reality during most of the months of the year is that I simply don't have the time to spend with people--outside my family--that I would like.  I could feel guilty about this (and sometimes I do, believe me!); or I could realize that it is what it is, and what it is is a busy season of the year.  But summer's comin'...  :)

We got a head start on our relaxed, let's-spend-time-with-friends, we're-on-summer-break schedule recently.  Although we are still officially finishing up a little bit of history and read-alouds left over from this past school year, it almost feels like we're done with school; and we haven't yet transitioned into the learning activities I have planned for this summer.  What does that equal?  A perfect window of opportunity to get together with friends.  :)

We kicked off this feast of friendship on Tuesday, May 13, when Megan, the wonderful violin teacher of Josiah and David, came over for dinner.

The following day, the kids and I had a really fun time visiting my long-time friend Christin and her girls; it's always such a joy when my kids love the kids of someone I love!  :)

Two days later, I had the privilege of going on a Moms' Night Out with my new friend Jennifer, whom I met through Tobin and Shav's soccer team, and four other women; we watched the movie Moms' Night Out, then went to Chili's to continue our conversation over food.

The next day, we went to our friends Kevin and Amanda's house for dinner and had a great time there.  It's not often that a family of seven gets invited to someone's house for dinner, and we definitely appreciated the hospitality shown us!

Two days later, another long-time friend of mine, Judy, came over for a visit.  She lives in another state; but when she's visiting here, I always love to snatch some time with her.  The boys know that when Judy comes, she gets down on the floor and plays with them, and they look forward to her visits with great excitement.  This time, I had to literally shoo them out the door for a while so Judy and I could talk and get caught up on each other's lives a little before the boys monopolized her time with games.  :)

Three days later, a group of homeschool friends came over to talk, let our kids play together, and share a light lunch.  It was a complete joy to have them here!

Three days after that, our next-door neighbors came over for lunch on Sunday; and we managed to squeeze all 15 of us around our kitchen table where we enjoyed great food, great fellowship, and a great friendship.  Plus, we celebrated my dad's 74th birthday together.  :)

Truly, I've been feasting!  Getting a chance to spend time with these people filled up my friendship tank in an abundant way, and I'm so grateful for each one of them!  :)

I had intended to take pictures at all of these gatherings, but I completely forgot at some of them.  I did, however, remember to get out the camera when Judy was here visiting.

 She asked for a violin concert, and our resident virtuosos were happy to perform.  :)

 Completely unplanned, Judy and Moriah ended up matching.  :)

 It's too bad we're always so serious when we're together and never have any fun.  ;-)

The next set of pictures is from the day four other homeschooling families came over.  I got my camera out for a little bit, but then ended up preoccupied enough that I didn't actually get to take many pictures.  That's how it goes sometimes.  :)

 I was really impressed with how well the children played together.  Some of them knew each other before this gathering, but some did not; however, the whole thing was blessedly peaceful.  :)

 The moms: me, Amanda, Sally, Jennifer, and Mary Beth.  The 5 of us had 19 children there (one child was being babysat by one of the moms, so she brought him along, too...technically, we 5 have 18 kids...and we marveled at how Michelle Duggar does it).  :)

I'm really grateful that Jennifer took some pictures and then shared them with me; the next six are from her.  :)  I like this swing picture a lot (would be better if Shav were there, too) ;-), but it also reminds me that Moriah was really not having a cheerful morning.  See how grumpy she looks?  I didn't realize it at the time, but she was sick.  When I got her up from her nap a couple hours after everyone had left, she had a fever of 101.6.  Yikes.  I felt so badly--not just for her, but also for the others who might have been exposed to any germs she might have been carrying.  No wonder she was fussy and clingy that morning though; it all made sense after I discovered her fever!

Last but not at all least, we get to the birthday celebration for my dad.  :)  Because our guests are Old Order Mennonite, I didn't take pictures of them; but I couldn't let Dad's celebration go by without taking pictures of the most important part.

The cake, of course.  ;-)

Kidding, obviously!  The most important part is this man!!  :)

I'm very glad that we got to spend this birthday together...

...and very glad for each of the joyful times of fun and friendship I've had during the past couple weeks.

Truly, my cup overflows!  :)

When Rain Keeps Boys inside All Day...

...by evening, they may be creating new dance routines (this particular one was named Bouncy Ball Round and was mostly thought up by Josiah with some input from David) and perfecting their synchronization

They've got to get their energy out somehow, you know!  :)

Wordless Wednesday {Looks like Summer!}

Let Me Count the Ways, Vol. 2

Series introduction is here.

~ Jeff & I in San Diego, probably in 2000 or 2001

13. One lovely evening, I was pushing Moriah on the swing, and Jeff was working in the garden.  As he walked past us one time, he paused to watch Moriah, then gave a little laugh before moving on.  "What?" I called.  "She's just cute," he said.  :)  One thing that unites a couple is mutual admiration of their children, and I loved seeing Jeff's delight in his daughter.

14. At the dinner table one time, Jeff was starting to say something, and David broke in to interrupt him with what he, David, thought he, Jeff, was going to say.  After David, but before Jeff spoke again, I piped up with what I thought Jeff was going to say.  Turns out my answer was correct.  :)  Jeff looked at David with a smile and gently teased him by saying, "Mom can read my mind better than you can."  As close as we are to our kids and as much as we cherish them, it's still good to remember--and sometimes, remind them--that there's a uniqueness to the bond that Jeff and I have.  It's sort of like sometimes when the kids are crowding around Jeff or snuggling with him, I say, "I was here first!"  And I was--YEARS before they were even born.  :)

15. A week and a half ago, I received this email from Jeff.  He wrote...

"Something I really appreciate and likely fail to tell you often...

I really love going to bed and finding the bed made...fresh and ready...thanks!"

He notices that??  Just like with #8 in the beginning of this series, the thing that made me feel so loved was that he notices what I do.  Being noticed--and appreciated, of course--certainly inspires a person to even greater heights.  As a matter of fact, do you think I've let the bed go unmade since Jeff's email?  Not a chance!  :)  Not because I feel like, "Oh, great, now I HAVE to make it," but because I want to!  Because it's important!  Because Jeff notices!!  :)

16. Early one morning recently, Jeff kissed me awake before he left for work; then he handed me a CD and said something like, "Here.You wanted this."  I forced my eyes to open enough to see what he was holding out to me; and when I saw that it was a CD of "songs of romance and commitment in marriage" by Buddy Davis, I thought something like, "I did??  I wanted this?  Wow, I really don't remember asking for this, or even discussing it at all with Jeff.  In fact, I don't even remember that I knew this CD existed!  I can imagine that I would have asked for it, because ever since we crossed paths with Buddy Davis at a conference and were so kindly and warmly greeted by him, I've been a fan of his.  And if I saw something about 'songs of romance and commitment in marriage,' it's likely that I would have been intrigued by that.  But goodness!  I just can't recall ever thinking about this CD before--much less asking Jeff for it!  Maybe when I wake up more, I'll remember!"  Later on, when I did wake up, I still didn't remember asking for the CD, so when Jeff got home from work, I questioned him more about it.  And then he made me laugh by dredging up an email I sent him on February 15, 2012(!!!), in which I linked to the CD and said, "Sometime it would be nice to have this...not a necessity, of course...just a wish for someday. :)"  Well!  No wonder I couldn't exactly remember asking him for that CD!  Jeff further explained that he had put an alert on Ebay for the CD, so every time one came up, he would get a message about it.  But up until this point, the price had always risen higher than he wanted to pay.  Finally, a cheap one came along.  And that is why, two and a quarter years after I first asked for it, Jeff woke me up one morning to hand me a Buddy Davis CD that he informed me I wanted!!  :)

17. Speaking of...ahem...shall we say, delayed gifts...  ;-)  For Christmas of 2012, I had asked Jeff for a tent--one that all of us could fit into.  He very obligingly gave me a tent...which sat, unopened, for nearly a year and a half on the floor of our garage.  All during the summer of 2013, which I had supposed would be filled with fun camping trips, we never did a thing with the tent.  After such a long time, I wasn't even sure we'd ever get around to using it; maybe we're just not a tenting family?  But then, Jeff...  :)  

A few days ago, he brought up the idea of camping for Memorial Day.  And where did he choose for us to make our camping-as-a-family-of-seven debut?  Our very own backyard.  :)  In the late afternoon yesterday, he got to work, unpacking and setting up the tent--the longed-for tent--the wow-we-really-can-fit-all-of-us-in-here-with-room-to-spare tent--the glorious, glorious tent.  And we all slept in it last night.  All of us.  All night long.  Yes, even Moriah.  :)  I snapped a few pictures as we were getting set up, then put the camera away because I didn't want to be bothered with it anymore.  But here are some moments we captured...

What do I want to remember from our first ever camping "trip"?  How about...

~ the way the boys were SO excited!  (well, I was, too)  :)

~ their joy at seeing the stars come out as the sky darkened

~ me reading some bedtime stories to the boys, but then Jeff having to take over when it came time to read Love You Forever (and I laid there in the near-dark, with my family all around me, and my heart squeezed so tightly with love that it pushed a few tears out of my eyes--imagine that!)  ;-)

~ Moriah wandering around in the tent for quite a while before settling down and falling asleep--when she finally slept, throughout the course of the night, she was either lying on Jeff, lying on me, or lying on the air mattress between us, which didn't make for the most restful sleep for Jeff and I, but who goes camping to get good rest anyway?  ;-)

~ the coziness of my sleeping bag as the night air cooled

~ my concern that the boys would get too cold (since it had been warm when we went to bed, they were just wearing t-shirts and shorts, for the most part)

~ Shav waking in the night and being sort of disoriented, but settling back down fairly quickly after I gave him my cozy fleece jacket and helped him find his sleeping bag and pillow again

~ the dew that soaked the side of the tent, mere centimeters (it felt) from my face

~ my aching back (which didn't really bother me, because I knew as soon as I got up and moved around a while, it would stop hurting)

~ the splendor of the stars when I awoke (several times) ;-) in the night

~ our rooster crowing (and crowing and CROWING) while it was still very dark--when we're inside, I never pay attention to it, but early this morning I heard it quite well!

~ waking up in the night to hear Jeff saying something like, "Help! Help!"--turns out he was having a bad dream about camels laying on him, and then they started eating his hand!  :)

~ the joy of watching Moriah sleep this morning as she snuggled up beside me, strands of hair curled around her face, warm blankets pulled up around her neck, her breathing soft and even

But what I'll remember most, I think, is how loved I felt by Jeff.

Jeff, who bought the tent for me (well, us).  ;-)

Jeff, who had the idea to do this on Memorial Day.

Jeff, who takes delight in surprising the boys with special activities.

Jeff, who did all the work to set the tent up.

Jeff, who read to us before we slept.

Jeff, who made us all feel so safe and snug.

Jeff, who took down the tent today.

Jeff, who rolled up all the sleeping bags.

Jeff, who surely loves me.  :)