In the Fall, We Change

It's early in the morning on the first day of a brand new year--the perfect time to write about the changes that are happening in my family.

Months ago, when I mentioned to my next-door neighbor that the winds of change were blowing, she immediately--and probably completely unconsciously--looked down at my front to see if a baby bump was visible there.  Maybe that was your first thought, too.  ;-)  But no, that's not the change that is in the wind this time.  ;-)

Twelve years ago, in the fall of 2005, we arrived in Virginia, freshly returned from spending several years in Israel.  It was a beautiful September day when we got here; and, probably because we had spent the previous eight years in climates without four distinct seasons, I had a heightened appreciation for fall and all the beautiful transformations that happen here in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia during that time.

But leaves aren't the only thing that change in the fall.

For quite some time, Jeff and I had felt a stirring in our souls, a hunger and thirst for something more, a desire to live more radically than the comfortable existence we had settled into.  We LOVED that comfortable existence, make no mistake about it!  But there was a whisper in the wind of something more, and that voice grew stronger as the summer of 2017 went by and autumn approached.

The voice summoned us with an ancient call: "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."  (Matthew 4:19)

Many of you know that Jeff and I had, earlier in life, served in the full-time ministry, both in the US and internationally.  When we moved back to my home place in 2005, it wasn't necessarily with the intention to stay here forever!  We wanted to remain open to God's guidance as to our future plans; but as time went on and our roots in this soil grew deeper, the chances of us again serving God in that way seemed to grow dim.

Our wonderful fourth son reminds us of an important spiritual principle.  You see, Shav's name comes from a Hebrew word that means "return, restore," and that's exactly what we needed to do: to shav to our first love!  :)  And in early September, we did just that--reconnecting with a congregation in Washington DC that felt very much like home to us, a place of sacrificial love and incredible zeal to reach out to others, to LIVE the teachings of Jesus, not just talk about them.  Being around the brothers and sisters there reminded us of how much we had changed in the preceding dozen years.  It was time to return.

We thought and prayed and pondered and sought advice and talked with each other and poured our hearts out to God and waited for His response.  And when Jeff gave me the YES that I was hoping to hear, my heart rejoiced with exceeding joy!  But early on, I became aware of the enormity of the decision we had just made; and as I carried jars of homemade grape juice down to our cellar late one night in early September, I paused there and bowed my head.  "God, if You can help me dig up the roots I've put down in this place, I will follow You anywhere," I prayed.  "I will go anywhere, do anything, and give up everything for You.  But You're going to have to help me, because these roots go down so far, I'm not sure I can ever get them up by myself!"

And that, dear friends and readers, is what we've been doing this past fall: digging up roots and preparing to soar again.

We knew immediately that our desire for deeper involvement with the DC church meant that being there for a two-hour slot on Sundays just wasn't going to cut it, so we sought a buyer for our home, Jeff looked for new employment in the DC area, and we prepared to move (not an easy feat for a family of eight!).

God gave us a buyer for our home (our next-door neighbors, which is amazingly ideal for so many reasons), God gave Jeff a new job right outside DC (in an upscale barber shop near the Pentagon), and God is helping us move.

We haven't quite gotten that last part finished yet.  ;-)

But we're making significant progress--not the least of which was meeting with the realtor and the homeowners yesterday, on the last day of the old year, to finish the paperwork and get the keys to our new home!!

Oh, we're not buying--simply renting--trying to get and stay as mobile as we can, so that if and when God calls us to go here or there or yonder, we'll be ready. We don't know if and when that invitation will come; but for now, we're tremendously excited about this first step in our new journey!

Being in the northern Virginia area means we'll be close enough to the Harrisonburg area to make regular visits here; and with the friends and family we have in this area, we will always have a strong attachment here.  The kids will still participate in the Shenandoah Valley Children's Choir, Jeff will still work one day a week at his barbershop here, we will visit my parents every week, and we'll likely do quite a bit of our food shopping here and take advantage of the lower prices away from the metropolitan area!  ;-)  But the rest of the time, we'll be in and around DC, being used--we pray--to effectively advance the kingdom of God!

There is so much more I could say about all of this, but for now, it is a beginning--the first part, here on the year's first day, of the story of this next chapter of our lives.  More than anything, we desire for God to be the author of all that is coming!  He writes the BEST adventures, after all!!  :)

What the Lord Has Done for Me {Loneliness, and COTW}

During my sophomore year of college, several of my music major friends told me about a place in upstate New York--a Christian family camp in the Adirondacks--and suggested that I consider working there on the music staff the following summer.

For some strange reason, I thought that would be a good idea.  

For some even stranger reason, my parents thought so, too.  ;-)

Looking back, I realize their sacrifice--something I never had the insight to consider at the time.  I mean, maybe they were glad to get rid of me for a summer.  ;-)  But I think it more likely that they missed me tremendously--their youngest child, who had been away at college all year anyway, and now I wanted to leave for the summer, too?  And not to a nearby camp, but one that was four states away?

In their unselfishness, they gave me up, in a sense, and I applied for the position and got it.  I would be working on the music staff (for free) and serving in the dining hall as a waitress (for pay--the only compensation coming from the tips that the families we served gave us at the end of the week).  It was a fabulous situation, really.  I got to play lots and lots (and lots and lots) of music, which I loved.  I got to meet some really wonderful families and get to know them through serving them three times a day all week.  I got to hear some incredible speakers (Ravi Zacharias, Alistair Begg, to name a few) and soak in the wisdom of the Word they were sharing during the daily chapel services.  And I got to live in a gorgeous location and savor the beauty of God's creation at Camp-of-the-Woods all summer long.

But an unexpected problem crept in and became such a significant factor during that summer that I still remember it, 22 years later.

Loneliness.

Growing up, I was surrounded by a loving family and caring friends.  Loneliness was not often an issue.  But because of a mixture of circumstances, the specter of loneliness loomed large for me in the summer of '95.

What circumstances?  Well, some of these seem silly now, but I'll admit to them anyway...

~ I had been in a long-term dating relationship that had lasted several years but ended at the beginning of my sophomore year of college.  After that break-up, I had a few dates, but no significant relationship; and I acutely felt the absence of a "special someone."

~ The schedule was so busy (partially because, as a pianist, I had the obligation to learn not only my own music, but also accompaniments for other instrumentalists and vocalists--and partially because, as a perfectionist, I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things right) that I felt like I didn't have as much time as you might think to get to know the other staff.  Oh, we were friendly to each other, and became friends that summer, but a tell-tale sign of the lack of deep friendships in my life from that camp experience is the fact that, if I'm thinking correctly, there are only TWO of my fellow staff members from that summer that I am in any kind of contact with today.  In the day and age of Facebook and easy connections, that seems pretty low!

~ Someone I knew had told me about someone who would be working at COTW that summer and assured me that we would hit it off great, and it would be wonderful.  As it turned out, he (yes, it was a guy, but it wasn't set up as a romantic thing, just a friend thing) barely noticed me.  So much for that!

~ I was at a really awkward, really insecure stage of life (we all have some of those lurking in our pasts, right?).  I had had my hair short during my sophomore year of college (I personally love my hair being short) :), but I was growing it out in preparation for my approaching semester abroad in Israel, and growing hair out can be...well...painful.  So it was for me, and I had no idea what to do with my mophead!  (Which makes me laugh now, but wasn't the slightest bit funny then.)

~ On top of that, I inexplicably developed a rash on my face, which--I learned later--came from a new face wash I was using.  It would have been great if I had quickly clued in to the fact that the cleaning solution was actually making me break out, but no, it took a while for that discovery to infiltrate my brain.  Rash on face = quite the confidence zapper for a 19-year-old girl.

~ More significantly, I missed my family.  I had never been away from them for that long, since, even when I was at college, I could see my brother David regularly because we went to the same college, and my parents were only three hours down the road.  COTW was much further than that from Virginia, and I knew I wouldn't get to see them until the end of the summer when they came to pick me up.

Add all that together, and you get a great big pile of loneliness.

Let me be quick to say that Camp-of-the-Woods was in no way at fault in this.  Nobody was bullying me.  Nobody was treating me unfairly.  Everyone was kind.  Everyone was friendly.  I can't and don't want to cast a single ounce of blame on anyone for my loneliness.  It simply was a result of the factors I mentioned above.

And you know what?  Loneliness isn't all bad.  It's not a sin to feel lonely; as a matter of fact, it can be an invitation to press in and go deeper in relationships, especially our relationship with God.  He doesn't tell us in the Bible, "Thou shalt not be lonely," but He does say, "Delight yourself in the Lord" and "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

Into my loneliness came moments of refreshment: things like, the frequent letters I received from home (the mail lady at camp kept candy on hand for us so that if we came to check our mail and discovered we had none, she would give us a piece of candy instead--thanks to my mother's diligence in writing, I didn't get too many pieces of candy from the mail lady that summer!), insight from a book about loneliness that I found in the camp bookstore and gladly purchased and read, and one encounter with God on the dock late at night.

I am not quick to say, "I heard the voice of the Lord today," or "God gave me a specific message for you," or "thus saith the Lord," or any of that.  But one night at camp, as loneliness surged over me, I went out on the dock by the quiet lake, and my heart was laid bare and open before the Lord.  And then, I heard--not audibly, but with the ears of my heart--"It is not good for Davene to be alone."

I don't want to be presumptuous and assume that those words brought as much comfort to my soul as God's original proclamation must have brought to Adam's.  ;-)  But the peace that flooded my inmost being was deep enough and high enough and long enough to reassure me immediately, sustain me in the coming months, and remain tucked away in my memory, all these many years later.  God saw me, He loved me, and He had a plan for my life; and that plan included an end to my loneliness.

During our recent vacation there, I thought a number of times about the contrast between me then and me now, between my life situation then as a single college student versus my life now as a happily married mother of six.  Without a doubt, God fulfilled the word He gave me that night, and transformed the garment of loneliness that lay on my shoulders that summer into a robe of abundant relationships.  To be there with Jeff and our beloved children--plus our friend Amanda and her two children--made me realize afresh how far God has brought me.

That night on the dock, when I felt my aloneness so keenly, I never could have imagined this...

...and, as I reflect on these things, my heart wells up and wants to shout, "Look what the Lord has done for me!"

It is not my own doing--it is all His--and He's still in the business of transformation.  What changes will He make in me during the next 20 years that will astonish me and cause me to give the glory to Him for what He has done?

Give Me a Sec while I Sit Here and FEEL

It's been a big day for Josiah.  And so, because of that, it's been a big day for my heart.

It started with Josiah having the opportunity to preach a sermon--his second ever, the first having been on Mother's Day of this year--this morning for our church.  His sermon was called "What Makes a Church Successful" from Acts 2:37-47, and David grabbed a photo of him while Josiah was preparing before the service began.

I loved Josiah's first sermon (which was on prayer), but I noticed today how much more comfortable and confident he seemed to be so maybe I loved this one even more.  He reminded me so much of his dad (who happened to give the talk for communion today), and I am extraordinarily proud of him (well, of them both).  ;-)

And then Josiah and I hopped in the car and headed north, all the way to Patrick Henry College where Josiah will be spending the next week at a Speech Camp.

 We had never been to this college before, although we have heard so many good things about it; and my admiration of it was only increased by our time there today.  It is beautiful and rigorous and impressive in so many more ways than I want to take the time to write about tonight.

 But the main thing today is that for the next week, this will be Josiah's home.

 He's been away from home before, of course, but only for things like choir tours or speech and debate competitions--and always with people he knows.

 But he knows no one here--or didn't until we got there this bright, sunny afternoon.

 I expect by now he already feels like he knows some people.  ;-)

 He's not exactly shy.  Not anymore.  :)

 We got to go on a campus tour which was very interesting...

...and got to see their residence halls named for the famous homes of presidents and other leaders in American history...

 ...and we got to see Lake Bob.  ;-)

And then after a very informative meeting, it was time for me to say goodbye to my treasured firstborn and head home.  Not without taking a selfie though.

 I'm not very good at taking them...

 ...so when another student walked by and asked if he could take a picture for us, I was glad to see yes.  ;-)

And then right after this, I fought back the tears as I hugged this amazing son goodbye and got in the car, leaving him behind.

That felt strange.

He's still only 15 (just turned 15, really), and he's still approaching his 10th grade year (not 12th), but boy did it ever feel like he was getting ready to go off to college!!!

That felt REALLY strange.

When we were considering having Josiah participate in this, Jeff suggested that, if Josiah agreed, we would give this week at Speech Camp to him as his birthday gift, and...well...you can tell that Josiah said yes.  :)  I'm so happy for him that he gets to do this and so excited to hear about all the things he learns and does during this week.  But I'm mostly looking forward to just seeing him again with my own two eyes and hugging him again.

Tonight, I feel so many deep emotions; it's too hard to put them into more eloquent words.  So now, I'm just going to stop writing...

...and simply let myself feel what's in my heart.

What's Significant about 2017's Easter

So, last month, Easter happened.

It zoomed up to me, said hello, then dashed away again, almost before I knew what was happening.

It's not as if we normally make a big to-do out of Easter.  Growing up, our celebration of it was more along the lines of "holy day" and not "holiday" (which is arguably how it should always be), and so we didn't do Easter baskets or the Easter bunny, I don't remember any special attempt to always have a new fancy Easter dress, and there were no particular Easter foods that we always had to have.  Instead, we celebrated it for the significance of Jesus's resurrection (and some years, that included an Easter play with our church, and sometimes a sunrise service).  

My upbringing continues to influence me heavily now, and so our family observance of Easter is similar to that of my childhood and does not usually require extensive preparations.  But this year seemed even more low-key than normal.

Oh, Moriah had a pretty dress to wear--a new-to-us one that Grandma Fisher had found at a yard sale for her--and it was fun to snap a few pictures of her in it that afternoon.

We had a church service that morning (and I was in charge of music for it).  We ate food for lunch (although what it was, I can't tell you).  I probably took a nap that afternoon (a customary Sunday afternoon delight for me).  But it wasn't until that evening that Easter became especially significant for me this year.

Why then?  Because of a visit to this dear lady.

I knew I wanted to see my mother on Easter, but her condition has worsened so much that she isn't really able to get out and about anymore, so her Sundays of going to church with my dad, then having lunch at our house, are sadly ("tragically!" my heart cries) over.  But we can still go to see her, and so we did.

Since her walking has deteriorated along with the rest of her abilities, we helped her into a wheelchair and were able to use that to take her outside her building.  It was a gorgeous evening, and the children played while us older adults watched.

It was pleasant to be outdoors and fun to watch the kids--an easy way to spend time together.  But more than that, being with my mom finally helped my heart to grab hold again of the significance of Easter.  Here's why.

My mom is dying.

All of us are, of course--only, we don't think about it so much.  But with my dear mother, it is obvious.  Her mind is shutting down, and her body is following suit.

I don't mean to imply that she only has a few weeks or months to live--not at all.  People with Alzheimer's sometimes linger...and linger...and linger, and that very well may be the case with her.  But it's impossible for me to spend much time with her without being aware of the decay that is happening in her.

That decay is happening in all of creation and has been for thousands of years.  (I think the Second Law of Thermodynamics has something to say about that?)  But one event pierced the "natural" (since the Fall in the Garden of Eden) order of things and reversed that.

The resurrection of Jesus.

Because of that, not only did His body come back from the dead, we also have hope of that.  And this year, my hope took a very specific form: my mother, whom I love more than words can say and whom I miss intensely as she slips away bit by bit, will not be that way--the way she is now--forever.  In heaven, she will be restored, and not just to her former glory, but to a celestial glory that will far surpass anything we have ever seen before.

Because of Easter, the fact that my mother cannot say my name, doesn't seem to recognize me consistently, can barely walk or talk, needs help feeding herself, and is just a shell--a fragment--of the woman I knew her to be...those facts will be wiped away.

Because of Easter, all the losses that my mother has endured--so many losses that I wonder what is left? how much more can she lose before she's simply gone?--will be returned to her, above and beyond what we can even imagine.

Because of Easter, there is a resurrection coming--not just a general resurrection in the end of time, but a very specific one for her.

And so we wait for it, with more anticipation than any child expecting a basket stuffed with chocolate on Easter morning.

Easter happened this year, and I almost missed it.  But thanks to a visit with my beloved mother, I caught hold of it before it completely slipped away.

Glory be to God for the indescribable power of the resurrection--and for the hope that it drops like dew on the thirsty ground of my aching heart!

Farmer Boy, Fisher Style

Jeff didn't get passionate about gardening until...what?...his late 30's or so? (and wow, am I ever glad he did, because his efforts have yielded a HUGE amount of delicious, nutritious food for our family!!); but this third son of ours has been enthusiastic about all things outdoors since infancy, it seems.

 And now, when Jeff has a day off and heads out to the garden to work, he has a little shadow named Tobin.

 While Jeff runs the tiller, Tobin follows behind, sometimes literally stepping in Jeff's footsteps.

 It makes me smile to see him walk this way.  :)

 This morning as I watched, Tobin scooped down and picked up a handful of dirt...

 ...including, as I learned when I walked closer, an earthworm.  :)

 Worms are our friends.  :)

 I find much enjoyment from watching this boy of ours grow up into the man God created him to be.

And whatever else that man will do, I hope he gets at least a little piece of ground (and maybe a big one!) to use in following in the footsteps, not only of his earthly daddy who loves to garden and has experimented with having various animals, but his heavenly one, too, who created this great big marvelous world and all the astounding creatures in it!!

My Two Favorite Gifts

Ah, Christmas!  There is so much to say about it, so many pictures to share.  Tonight the task feels overwhelming, so I'll start small.  

Let me tell you about my two favorite gifts I received this year.  :)

Our friends Ryan and Sarah (they show up in the last picture in this post and have become DEAR friends to us this year!) gave us a new ornament for our tree--eight bears on it, and on each hat, the name of one of the members of our family.  I was so moved when Jeff opened this gift on Christmas morning that I cried.  It is now my favorite ornament.  :)

And secondly, as Christmas approached, Jeff had asked me what I wanted; and after having a hard time coming up with something, I finally decided that a new Bible would be absolutely wonderful to have--preferably something with larger print than the small one I had been using.  When I looked online and found this one, I was delighted, and excitedly sent Jeff a link.  I was so hoping it would be under the Christmas tree for me on Christmas morning, and indeed it was (along with some special highlighters and pens designed for use in Bibles).

Not only does it have large print, it also has journaling space along the outside margin of each page.  I LOVE THIS.  I take great joy in writing in my Bible, but have had to try to fit cramped words into tiny margins for a long time.  But no more.  :)

You know, there really wasn't anything I needed for Christmas, but the amount of joy these items have brought me is tremendous.  I am so grateful for the thoughtful givers who blessed me with these!

The Silly and the Serious on Christmas Eve

This evening, while each of the children (excluding Benjamin) opened one gift apiece...

 ...and while we had the most hilarious time playing with Shav's gift (the game Pie Face)...

 ...and while the children eagerly set up camp in the living room to sleep beside the tree, then tossed and turned and exclaimed about how hard it was to fall asleep...

...a current was flowing underneath all of that.  

A current of words, flooding my soul with WONDER.

These words.

Man's maker was made man, 

that He, Ruler of the stars, might nurse at His mother's breast; 

that the Bread might hunger, the Fountain thirst, the Light sleep, the Way be tired on its journey; 

that the Truth might be accused of false witness, the Teacher be beaten with whips, the Foundation be suspended on wood; 

that Strength might grow weak; that the Healer might be wounded; that Life might die.

~ Augustine of Hippo ~ 

What a marvel!  What a gift!  And with the angels, I cry, "GLORY to God in the highest!!!"