Better than I EVER Imagined

As this summer has gone by, I have known that our days of having my mother live so close to us are slipping away, so I have appreciated, even more than usual, our times together.  Knowing that the nursing home could be calling with a room for her any day gave an extra significance to even ordinary tasks together.

How I dreaded that call!  Oh, how I feared it!

I thought perhaps I would feel better about things if I could go and personally see the Alzheimer's unit where she will be moving to, so my dad kindly arranged for that meeting to take place; and the date that was given was Wednesday, July 30.  Tuesday, July 29 was the day he got the phone call about an opening there for Mom.  

Tuesday was a hard day for me.

Wednesday arrived, and I honestly felt blanketed with an amazing layer of peace.  In the morning, I took my four younger children to a friend's house to swim (Josiah was having breakfast out with Jeff); and in the early afternoon I met my dad at Dairy Queen for a bite of lunch before the meeting.  My sister joined us there, and I was so grateful for her presence, too.

Then we drove to the nursing home.

From the moment we walked in, I thought, "This isn't as bad as I thought."  By the time we walked out, I thought, "This is much, MUCH better than I ever thought it could be!"

Here are some of the things that impressed me about the Alzheimer's unit...

~ The staff there was so friendly, so helpful, so kind, so sensitive--not only to us, but to the residents there.  I realize they were probably trying to impress us ;-), but even still, I thought it was admirable, for example, when the admissions guy--not even one of the regular staff for the Alzheimer's wing--who was taking us around knew and used the names of the residents in the Alzheimer's wing: "Hello, Mrs. Kirkland!  How are you?" and "Hey, Frank, how are you getting along?" and so forth.

~ There are only 14 residents in the Alzheimer's wing, and each has his or her own bedroom.  The rest of the area is a large, central room with plenty of space for various activities.  There is a piano that Mom can play (and the staff really seems to be looking forward to that!), there is a long table that they eat their meals around, there is a kitchen area, there is a fireplace, there is a TV area with comfortable recliners so they can watch programs like The Andy Griffith Show.  ;)  There is also a courtyard outdoors, that is completely fenced and secure, with pretty flowers, a smooth walkway for exercise, a number of rocking chairs, etc.  The whole area is clean and neat and beautiful.  It has NONE of the feel of the stereotypical nursing home with long, cold hallways, lonely residents slumped in wheelchairs, a continual odor of disinfectant and who knows what else, etc.

~ At the door to each bedroom is a memory box built into the wall that the family can fill with various pictures and memorabilia that will bring joy and remembrance to the resident--a small detail perhaps, but a wonderful one.

~ The residents have a mix of scheduled activities and free time, and they even go on outings--for example, a drive through the countryside, followed by a stop for ice cream, or a tour of some antique tractors.  The unit is secured, and no one is able to wander away (so important for Alzheimer's patients); but the patients are not, so to speak, kept locked up there all the time.  The staff plans and carries out interesting, fun diversions.

~ Families of the residents are welcome--in fact, encouraged--to visit their resident, either in the Alzheimer's unit or away from there.  This is HUGE for me, because I had heard of some Alzheimer's units where they actually discourage the family from visiting, especially at first, so the patient can make a break from their former home and can accept, in a sense, their new situation.  This place is not like that AT ALL.  We can go and get Mother whenever we want--for dinners here at home, for birthdays, for church, even for shelling peas.  ;-)  Or if I'm taking the kids to the park or going to a concert or whatever, we can pick her up and take her along.  This means the world to me.

~ The Alzheimer's unit is actually considered part of the assisted living portion of the retirement center, rather than part of the nursing home, so there really is an emphasis on independence.  For example, the residents, with help from the staff, of course, make some of their meals together, and I'm thrilled that Mother will still get to help with various kitchen tasks.  She will love that!  At the same time, the staff there is specially trained in how to care for Alzheimer's patients, and I'm so glad that when she needs help--whether with dressing, bathing, or whatever--help will be there.

~ My family has a long connection with this particular nursing home.  My paternal grandfather helped found it (and one of the wings is named after him), my paternal grandmother lived there for about 7 years, my dad was one of the staff doctors for quite a while, so was my uncle, and my sister worked there (maybe as a CNA?) in earlier years, too.  If my mother has to go anywhere, it seems entirely fitting that this should be the place for her.  To be clear, this isn't my first choice.  I wish so much that she didn't have to go anywhere, which is tied in very closely with my wish that she didn't have Alzheimer's at all and that the disease didn't even exist!!  But if it had to come to this, I am beyond grateful that she can go to live in such a lovely, caring, nurturing environment.

After the tour of the Alzheimer's unit, I went on my way rejoicing; and frankly, I also went on my way laughing a little at myself.  This ENORMOUS mountain I had constructed, this GIGANTIC obstacle, this HUGE hurdle of moving Mom to a nursing home, was reduced to something that, although still difficult and heart-rending, seems much more manageable now.  I'm reminded of my sweet son Shav who views getting shots with such fear that he measures time by it: "Will my next birthday be after I get my shots?" and "Are my shots before Christmas?" and "Will we visit the cousins again before my shots?"  His dread of those shots turns a molehill into a mountain and causes his perception of the pain to be magnified exponentially.

That's pretty much what I was doing as I thought about my mother's move.

That's not to say that it won't be hard.  I'm not implying that it will be a piece of cake.  Don't assume that I won't cry all the way home from dropping her off for the first (or second or third) time (I've already warned my boys that I will).  But there is a peace that has come--first, simply through the prayers, I'm convinced, of those who care about me and my family and, second, through seeing the place for myself and learning how things will really be for her.

Jesus promised that truth will set us free.  I do believe it has.