My One Word Goal for 2012

I've already confessed, in a post written on the first day of this month-that-I-can't-believe-is-over-already (hello? December? why'd you go by so fast??), my near failure at choosing a theme word for each year--and more importantly, letting that word have any meaningful impact on my life during that time period.  For example, my word for 2011 was supposed to be Less; but did that change how I lived this year?  Not so much.

But "hope springs eternal," and I've optimistically decided to try again with this whole idea of a theme word.  After much thought, prayer, and even some discussion with Jeff, I've chosen a word:

Arise.

At its most basic level, this word reminds me to do something truly profound and soul-stirring:  get up in the morning.  ;-)  I told you it was profound.  :)

But seriously, if there is one thing--just one--that I could change about myself and how I live it would be to wake up earlier in the morning so that I could consistently have time with God first thing, before children awake and the busy day begins.  For some people, this is a piece of cake; and if that's so for you, I hereby give you permission to laugh (kindly) at me.  But let me tell you, this is SO HARD for me.

I am a night person through and through.  Almost every single night, I stay up later than I should; and I only go to bed because I make myself do it.  I feel like my brain comes alive at night; my creative energy surges; and the peace and quiet of my home give me the opportunity to think and write and simply enjoy being awake.  I never wake up in the morning before I have to.  I never bounce up and think, "What a wonderful morning!  I can't wait to get up and enjoy it!"  I always stay in bed until little voices call for me to come and help them with something.

I desperately want this to change.

Like so many other women, I have such a strong sensation of time rushing by so quickly.  I know that I am not using my time as wisely as I could and am, in essence, wasting this most precious of gifts.  I'm not suggesting that every minute must be consumed with frantically running around being "productive," because there is certainly a time and place for slowing down and relaxing.  But I know that the stress I constantly feel from the "there is too much to do, and I'll never be able to get it all done!" mindset could be and should be lessened by a wise, disciplined use of my time.  How many times have I heard, "God gives us enough time for what He wants us to do"? and of course, I agree with that.  Unfortunately, I haven't learned to live it out like I want to.

I know, without a doubt, that the key to my whole schedule is the time I awake and the activity I do first thing.    For the former, it must be earlier than it has been, and the latter must be time with my Lord.

You can laugh at me further when I say that the wake-up time that I'm shooting for is 7:00 a.m.  For some of you, that's ridiculously late.  But for me, whose habit is to go to bed every night after midnight (and sometimes quite a bit after midnight) and whose fatigue is heightened by this dear one growing inside me, aiming for 7:00 is aiming for the moon.  I need God's help to propel me there, because I'll never make it on my own.

As strange as it may sound, if I knew that God wanted us to adopt a couple of kids this year, I would have more faith about that undertaking than I do about me habitually getting up early in the morning.  If I could see into the future and knew that God would ask us to move to the deepest jungles of Africa, I would feel more confident about that venture than I do about my "simple" wake-up-at-7:00-a.m.-for-a-quiet-time project.  I suppose the reason is that I've never experienced adoption or jungle life in Africa, so it's easy for me to feel faithful about those tasks (remember, I'm generally optimistic).  But this desire to wake up early and spend time with God is one that has been in my heart for YEARS; and sometimes I've had success, but overall, I have a history of failing in this area.  Failure, failure, failure.  I feel it stamped all over me, and it even makes me tremble to post this and admit my lack of victory in this area.

I've tried so many times to change this about myself.  I have made resolutions and plans and goals and had high dreams, but I always fall back into my stay-up-too-late-and-sleep-in-too-late-and-then-be-rushed mode of living.  If nothing else in my life changes in 2012, I so much want this one (hugely significant) area to change.

Already I feel challenged by this, and it's only the morning of January 1st I'm thinking about!  After all, I'm committed to stay up until midnight tonight.  Josiah and David have been eagerly awaiting this special night to stay up late and ring in the new year.  After they finish watching a movie, I'll play games with them until we wake up a sleeping daddy on the couch a few minutes before midnight, then go outside to bang pots and pans and set off firecrackers.  The tradition must be kept.  :)  But then I'll scurry off to bed and hope for a successful morning waking.  My Bible will be laid out for me, my cup of hot tea will be ready, just awaiting the hot water being poured into it, my alarm will be set, my new cozy robe will be handy to wrap up in during the chill of the morning.  I'll do everything I know to do to make this happen.

But I am dead serious when I say I can't do this without His strength.  If 2012 brings victory in this area, it will only be because of His hand working within me to transform me more into the likeness of His Son who, "very early in the morning, while it was still dark...got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (Mark 1:35).

With His help, even I can learn to...

...ARISE!!