Lesson #5: When He Adds, He Also Multiplies

Series intro is here...followed by Lesson #1...Lesson #2...Lesson #3...and Lesson #4.

I remember the conversation well.  I was standing with a friend on King George Street in Tel Aviv, the salty air of the Mediterranean blowing over us.  We, both mothers of one child at the time, were discussing the future and wondering how many children we would--or should--have.  

"Well," I told her, "I've heard other mothers say that one child takes all your time...and two children take all your time...and four children take all your time.  So you might as well go ahead and have as many kids as you want!"  We laughed together, but both of us knew the truth of that statement.  One child did take all our time.

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Sometimes when I look back on myself in a younger me, I shake my head a little in disbelief.  Why did I find it so difficult to keep a tidy, clean house when I was a newlywed?  It felt next to impossible; and in those days, my favorite indulgence was having a cleaning lady come and do a good cleaning for me.  Of course, back then, I had never heard of FlyLady, and I did not know that when it comes to cleaning, a lick and a promise is an acceptable way to get the job done, and good enough really is good enough.  

When Josiah was born, my whole world changed; and the adjustment, although anticipated and welcomed, took time.  Why did I feel like caring for one child was SO demanding?  During part of our time in Tel Aviv, Jeff was taking Hebrew classes in the mornings and coming home for lunch.  Why did I chafe when he was so much as five minutes late, feeling like I couldn't possibly handle the mind-numbing routine of spinning tops on the floor with Josiah or doing a shape-sorter puzzle with him?  

I cannot tell you how many times I sadly wondered why the transition to motherhood felt so hard for me.  As we led a singles ministry and counseled engaged and newlywed couples, I saw many of them deal with difficult adjustments to life with a spouse; but as I recall, getting married and learning to live as a wife was a piece of cake for me.  (Maybe it was all those James Dobson books my mom encouraged me to read when I was a teen.)  ;-)  Not so with motherhood.  Although I loved my children dearly and wouldn't have traded my position as a mom for anything, I often thought, "Why is this so difficult for me?  Why do I get so uptight?  Why do I lose my patience so quickly?  Why can't I just roll with things and wear this garment of motherhood as easily as I put on the wife garment?"  I especially remember feeling this way when Josiah and David were young.  Keeping my cool and being patient and gentle with them was literally an everyday battle.  "Why does it have to be so hard?" I asked myself.

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When people hear we're expecting our fifth child, I don't know everything they think; but I can imagine that some of them assume that we're anti-birth control or part of the Quiverfull movement.  We're not, really; but any topic like that surely deserves its own post.  Maybe someday...  At any rate, I have learned to view children as the great blessing that God intended them to be; and I do REJOICE when He decides to add to our number.  One thing that helps my joy is realizing that when God adds children, He also multiplies.  

"Multiplies what?" you might ask.  

Well, for starters, love, joy, peace, patience, and all the gifts of the Spirit.  He multiplies time, strangely.  He multiplies resources.  Let me explain...

When it comes to money, people seem to assume that we must have a lot of it to be having five children.  While it's not true that we are currently making five times as much as we did before we had our first child (that's not the kind of multiplication I'm talking about), it is true that in material ways, we are well provided for.  I'm sure part of it has to do with the fact that we make wiser decisions now than we used to.  We cut corners where we can, while still living abundantly.  We garden, which helps with food costs.  When we go out to eat (which is not often), we choose Country Cookin' (where the whole family can eat better and cheaper than at McDonald's) over more expensive places.  With having four boys, we make good use of hand-me-downs--not only with clothes, but also with toys, books, homeschool supplies, musical instruments, etc.  We have been generously blessed by the gifts of others to us:  i.e. Jeff has several co-workers who have given us many, many items of boys' clothing over the past five years.  We rarely have to buy any clothes for the boys.  When we do buy clothes, we shop at the thrift store.  For our little girl, we have already been blessed incredibly by people giving us clothes for her.  We pinch pennies every way we can, while still living joyfully, freely, not stingily.  Somehow, God takes the income that Jeff works so hard for and multiplies it to fill every single need--and many of the wants--that we have.

Or take time.  One of the objections I hear often to a large family is that there isn't enough time to give personal attention to each child.  I understand that, of course; and I certainly have moments of feeling pulled in four directions when each of my sons demands something of me at the exact same time.  But is it so bad for them to learn the lesson of waiting?  "David, I'm listening to Tobin now; but I will help you as soon as I am done."  In my opinion, that's actually good training for the real world.

But there's another thing about time.  Not only do Jeff and I carve out specific planned time with each child individually, but there are also many times when God graciously gives us impromptu moments with the child who needs it just at that time.  It might be after bedtime, when one child is still awake and could benefit from some extra attention.  It might be the middle of the morning, when somehow all the boys are occupied with various tasks except for one who comes to me and needs to talk.  It might be during quiet time or during dinner preparations or any number of other options.  But God, in His infinite wisdom and ability to order even the smallest details of our days, has a way of making sure that, if I am paying attention, I recognize the opportunities to pour love into each child, one on one.  My days still have 24 hours in them, much to my chagrin.  ;-)  But somehow, He multiplies those 24 hours and ensures that I have enough time in them to meet the needs of each of my children.  This, however, requires sacrifice and self-denial on my part, which leads me to my next point...

The fruits of the Spirit.  Before I had Josiah, I knew that I was far too selfish, and that this area of my life needed to be crucified.  I also was convinced that nothing would work in this pruning process better than becoming a mother.  That's not the reason I wanted to have children, but it was a side benefit that I was happily anticipating.  :)  Sure enough, as Josiah was added to our family, followed by David, Tobin, Shav, and now our little girl on the way, I was faced with a choice:  cling to my selfishness to the detriment of our family, or give it up in order to reap the benefits of a healthy, happy family.  When you put it that way, the choice is obvious.  :)  

Although I have SO FAR to go in who I want to become as a wife and a mother and a child of the King, it is heartening to look back and see where I've come from.  Let me give you one example.  In a comment on this post about our whirlwind trip to Virginia Beach, Sally said, "You must be a whiz at preparing things in a snap for such occasions..."  Well, I don't consider myself a whiz at it; but I do know I've grown in this area.  Because of Jeff's influence and God working in me, I am much more peaceful and relaxed about such spontaneous outings that I ever used to be.  As a mother of four with one on the way, I am much better at just picking up and going (and being joyful about it!) than I was as a mother of one.  Sally's comment made me remember a time when Josiah was two years old, I was pregnant with David, and we were heading to Jerusalem for the wedding of some friends.  Because everyone from our congregation in Tel Aviv was going to the wedding, someone arranged for us to rent a bus to make the trip in (since very few in our congregation had cars, it was actually cheaper for us to do it that way than for each person to individually pay for public transportation to get to the wedding).  I was SO stressed.  "A whole day away from home?  And no way to get home early?  If the rest of the people traveling on the bus want to stay really late at the wedding, I'll be stuck there, too!  How am I going to manage this?  How will Josiah do without being able to be at home for his regular nap?  And (here was the real kicker) how am I ever going to survive such a long day without a nap for myself???"  I can only laugh when I think back to that day.  Well, laugh AND thank God for how far He's brought me since then.  Why, oh why was I so stressed?

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A few years ago, I struck up a friendship with a woman who came from a family of seven, and I remember asking her how her mother did it.  I was eager to learn all the "secrets" of being a mother to a large household.  At the time I thought to myself, "I wish I were a seven-child mother."  Not that I wanted to instantly have a few more children dropped in our lap!  But I wanted to have the knowledge and ability of what it took to mother seven children so that my tribe of four at the time would seem easy!  :)  

Similarly, I wish that I could take who I am now as a mother of soon-to-be five and transplant that woman back into the Davene of 2002 when Josiah was born.  I wish I could possess the wisdom and perspective and flexibility and grace that I've acquired in the past 9 and a half years.  But it doesn't work that way, does it?  

Ten years down the road, I'll most likely look back on myself at the juncture of 2011 and 2012 and think, "Wow, you sure had it easy.  Why did you ever think your lot in life was difficult?"  :)

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As I go through this pregnancy and look ahead to the time when the baby is born and I go through the adjustment of caring for the needs of five children, I am comforted--immensely so--by the thought that God, when He adds the responsibility of children to a family, also multiplies all the resources that are necessary to care for those children.  Windows of time, financial reserves, plentiful food on the table, all the Godly attributes that are essential for raising children--all of this flows from His hand.  And in his system of math, addition and multiplication are closely related.  Thank God for that!!  :)

Photos from Josiah's family night a while back, when his choice of activity was a game of Risk.  Seeing a daddy with his four boys warms my heart...  :)