Two by Two

I have a little quirk that, if he were to admit it, probably drives Jeff a little crazy.  ("Only one quirk like that?" you wonder.  "Well, no, probably not; but let's just talk about one right now.")  ;-)  Every time I'm pregnant, this happens: before I even give birth to the child I'm currently carrying, my thoughts are flying ahead to the next one; and I'm trying to plan who and when and IF (that's a big one, especially as I now tread in the waters of Advanced Maternal Age).  In this regard, I'm like a skillful chess player: always thinking a few steps ahead and trying to plan out my strategy.

Jeff is a real chess player, so you'd think he'd understand; but when it comes to babies, his philosophy is, "Let's get this one born before we talk about the next."  :)  I have to admit that when I see it written out like this, it's clear that Jeff's way of thinking makes more sense than mine; but still, there's something in me that loves to imagine now how our family will look in five years, ten years, or more.  How many children will be eating around our supper table in the year 2020?  Of course, I know that only God knows the answer to that question; and no amount of strategizing on my part will reveal the future to me before it comes, on patient feet, one day at a time.  But yet, I ponder what will happen and what is best...

For example, a couple of nights ago, this was the scene in our living room: Josiah and David running laps through our house, trying to make it all the way to a mile.  They had estimated, with considerable input from Jeff, that 105 laps would be a mile (the next day, Josiah measured it with a yardstick and concluded that 98 would really be a mile), so here they are triumphantly finishing up their mile.  Josiah, keeping track of his own number of laps, was a few ahead of David; and Jeff was counting for David.

Here is what gets me about this video (besides the obvious fact that they just ran a mile in our house!): the brotherly love and camaraderie between my two oldest sons.  They go together like apples and peanut butter (my latest favorite snack, which was also one of my favorite foods during my pregnancy with Shav).  :)  I can't imagine Josiah without his David, or David without his Josiah.

So then, when I was already feeling sentimental about the bonds my boys have for each other, I went upstairs to Tobin's room, and this is what I found:

Tobin had not been feeling well that evening, and he had even said that he felt like throwing up, so I had fixed up a mat for him on his bedroom floor, figuring that if he did throw up, it would be easier for me to clean up the mat and blankets than it would be his whole bed.  As it turned out, he didn't throw up (for which I give abundant thanks!), but all of the boys have had fevers and aches this week.  Hmmmm...wonder what's going on...but anyway...  Sweet Shav had crawled in, right beside Tobin, and had apparently decided that he could share Tobin's narrow mat and his pillow.  Awwww...  :)

Both of those incidents reminded me of a little video that I took back in August, I think, but had never posted.  I distinctly remember sitting on our front steps that day, camera in hand, recording this and pondering the relationships my sons have with each other.  Here, watch first, and then I'll say more:

Maybe it doesn't stand out to you like it does to me; but when I see this, I can't help but notice that Tobin and Shav are together and Josiah and David are together.  I'm not stating or implying that Tobin and Josiah never play together, or David and Shav, or any other combination of brothers; but the fact is, as it is now, we have two sets of boys:  the older ones and the younger ones.  The funny thing is, that's how it was in my family growing up.  My sister Donna and my brother Doug are two years apart, and they grew up together.  Then, six years later, along came my brother David followed by me, two years later.  It was always Donna & Doug, and David & Davene.  The even funnier thing is, Jeff's family is divided exactly the same way:  his oldest brother Mike and his brother Greg are two years apart, then after six years comes Kim who is followed two years later by Jeff. Mike & Greg, Kim & Jeff, Donna & Doug, David & Davene, Josiah & David, Tobin & Shav.  

But now with a new baby on the way?  Where does he/she fit in?  I'm not at all worried that the other boys won't accept the new baby - far from it.  They are so excited about it, and I'm sure he/she will be warmly welcomed and happily loved!  Since that's not the issue, I guess this is:  who will be this baby's buddy?  Who will be the other half of this pair?

That, in a nutshell, is why I think a lot - already! - about another baby.  

When I was young, I never imagined that I might possibly someday have half a dozen children; as a matter of fact, I'm not sure it even crossed my mind to have five.  With Jeff, however, he had thought, even before he met me, that six was the highest he wanted to go - not necessarily that he would have six, but that he didn't really want to have more than that.  He was the first to open my mind to the possibility of half a dozen, so I guess all these wild ideas are really his fault.  ;-)

Because I grew up in it and because I see it being lived out in my house daily, I'm well acquainted with the dynamics of four children in the family.  But five?  How does that work anyway?  Next time I'm with a friend who has five, guess what I'm going to ask about.  :)

As I've said with various posts before, I don't write all of this to make any sort of prediction about what the future holds, so if some years go by and #6 doesn't show up, don't think I'm a liar, OK?  :)  I write all of this simply as a record of my thoughts, because I find it terrifically entertaining - and sometimes very insightful - to return to older writings and be reminded of my thoughts at a certain moment in time.  

What I'm most reminded of though is simple:  I don't have it all figured out; and as much as I think and plan and discuss and imagine whether our family will only have five children or whether we'll be blessed with a sixth, there is only One who holds the keys to this puzzle...

...and I am not that One!