What I Really Wanted to Do Tonight {and What I Really Did}

After I got Moriah tucked into bed tonight, all I really wanted to do was flop on the couch and read a book, Lion of Babylon by Davis Bunn.  It's been years since I read a Davis Bunn book; but someone recently surprised Jeff by giving this one to him, and he enjoyed it so much that, of course, I wanted to read it, too.  :)

But there were these peaches, you see, just lazing around on our air hockey table, their round cheeks getting redder and redder all the time, and--horrors!---some of them were even developing bad spots.  If I didn't use them, I was gonna lose them...and I HATE to do that.

One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that maturity means doing the right thing, even when you don't feel like it - doing what you need to do, rather than what you want.  So I decided to act like a grown-up and can peaches.

14 quarts later, I'm glad to have that task done (although there are still more peaches on the air hockey table, but they'll save for tomorrow).  And since I'm waiting on some jars that are still in the canner, I think I just might sit down on the couch and read a little of that book after all.  :)

The only question is: will I act like a grown-up and only read until the jars come out of the canner?

Or will I do what I really want to do and stay up until I finish the book?

Hmmmm.  Maybe I'm not so mature after all.  ;-)

Oh, Her Hair!

When I found out I was having a girl, one of the things I looked forward to doing was fixing her hair.

Since then, I've discovered it's not as easy as it looks.  ;-)

For one thing, dear little Moriah does NOT think that my hands should linger on her hair or that I should 

a) comb it,

b) put anything in it, such as a bow or a clip.

Which makes things a little difficult when her hair is so long as to get in her eyes.  At this point, I don't want her bangs to be cut, so what to do?

Well, I could do this.   ;-)

 A couple days ago, in the approximate 1.67 seconds I had before Moriah twisted and squirmed away, I managed to put a little ponytail in her hair.

And I smiled, thinking to myself how completely adorable she is in my eyes.

But I do hope I get better at this hair business.  ;-)

Because a top ponytail will only solve the problem for so long.  :)

Big Stuff, Heavy Stuff (and Some Little Stuff, Too...)

Whew!  What a week!

As I sit here with fingers poised to type, I pause, struggling to put words to emotions, chasing thoughts and attempting to communicate them, unsure what to say.

So I sigh...

...and smile as I think of a formerly childless couple who now hold a precious baby girl in their arms...

...and my heart aches as I remember so many hurting people...

...and I sigh again.

It's not that anything terrible happened in my family.  It's not even that anything huge or life-changing or particularly news-worthy occurred within our immediate family circle.  The worst part of this week for me personally was an unexpected and horrible flare-up of eczema on my hands, but in the light of eternity, that's nothing.  Our week contained many happy moments: from our guests who shared Labor Day with us at the beginning of the week to some special guests that came for dinner tonight at the end of the week...and in between, David started a new gymnastics class, we've been feasting on delicious watermelon from our garden, violins are being picked up and played again, yummy cookies were made to sell to raise money for Josiah's upcoming SVCC trips, and so on.  Life.  Just plain simple life.

But it hasn't been a simple week for everyone, and my heart has been heavy as I've become acquainted with situations of intense suffering.  For example, Eliza, the girl who was hit in the road on Labor Day and who is still in a coma in the hospital.  And also, Sam, a local boy who is the age of my Josiah and who has been battling cancer for the past 14 months; it seems that the end of his journey is drawing near, and I CANNOT FATHOM what it would be like to say goodbye and watch your child die.  Besides those, there was an accident on our highway that took the life of a 20-year-old mom this week; I didn't know her personally but am friends with some who did.  It was such a strange feeling to look at the Facebook page of the woman who died and see the pictures she had just posted from her son's 2nd birthday, never having any idea that a day later, she would be dead.  And then there was the man - a relative of a friend of mine in San Diego - who was badly burned in an accident involving a propane grill, and the request went out, "Would you please pray for him?"  Of course.  

An unusual part of this week, one that touched my soul deeply, was learning of the birth of a baby girl and watching her adoption from both sides - seeing a little of the perspectives of the birth family and of the adoptive parents.  My emotions swung from heart-wrenching pain to joy and elation...and back again...time after time...every time I checked in.  

In the midst of all of this, where else could I turn but to Jesus?  I'm certain I prayed more this week than I have in a long time.  Sometimes my prayers were no more eloquent than "Jesus, be near."  As I thought of the young girl lying in the hospital bed in Charlottesville - "hold her close, Lord!"  With Sam and his family - "comfort them! strengthen them!"  The family of the woman killed in the car accident - "help them know You're near!"  The man who was burned - "please heal him, and help him know that the healing comes from You!"  And with the adoption...words often failed me, but the cry of my heart was for the sweet presence of Jesus to be real to all who were involved.  "Help them, Lord!  Be near!"

In this week, among all the reminders that the veil that separates life and death is thin, have been moments of beauty, and peace, and joy, and simplicity, and contentment.  My eyes have been opened to them in a fresh way; maybe that's one of the accompanying benefits of hard times.

I think I've said "thank you, God" more often this week...for things like my favorite dog stretched out on our living room rug...

...for the sight of my boys "chasing" Moriah around the oval of our kitchen and living room and the sound of her laughter bubbling up as they pursue her...for the remembrance of a perfect Wednesday evening by the EMU fountain (while Josiah had a group violin lesson, the rest of the kids and I soaked up the sunshine, munched on pretzels, and smiled at all who passed by, while David, Tobin, and Shav ran races, and Moriah walked and walked, pausing to get down on her hands and knees whenever she had to cross a crack in the sidewalk, as if she couldn't walk right over the crack!).

How sweet life is!  How good God is!  Not just to me in my pleasant, uneventful moments, but also to the family keeping vigil in a hospital room as their son lies dying...and to the young mom who's just placed her four-day-old baby in the arms of another woman who will raise her...and to all of us.

Whether we realize it or not.

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

For His mercy endures forever.

~ I Chronicles 16:34

Wall Scribbles

I did some scribbling on the wall this past month...my Facebook wall, that is.  Here's a look back...

Aug. 1 - I found out something was troubling Shav's sweet mind last night. As I was tucking him and Tobin into bed, the conversation turned to heaven - specifically, how we would get there. Tobin carried on with his theme, repeated often in recent days, of "we'll wear bathrobes while we go up to heaven."  But then Shav asked in a small voice, "What if God drops us?" I had to hide my grin because I knew it was serious to him, but how to reassure him? Rather than launching into a metaphysical discussion of heaven being in a different realm, thus negating the need for us to literally be carried up through the atmosphere to heaven, I asked instead, "Does God love you SO MUCH?" Shav's head nodded, and he smiled. "Is He strong enough to carry you?" A soft "yes" with another nod. "Well, then, He won't ever drop you!" Shav got a big grin on his suddenly-peaceful face. All was well. God wasn't going to drop him.   Later as I pondered the conversation with him, I thought, "How many times have I been reassured, during tough times, by two things: God is strong, and God loves me?" The knowledge of His power and His love is enough to quell any fear, for those who are part of His family!

Aug. 2 - We're just hours away from meeting our Fresh Air boy (although Tobin keeps mixing up the words and calling him our Air Freshener boy! "Fresh Air, Tobin...FRESH AIR!...or better yet, just call him Erick...but please DON'T call him our Air Freshener boy!!!").   Excitement is running high, for sure!! 

Aug. 5 - We had a little excursion to town this morning--the kind that I have to mentally prepare myself for by clothing myself with extra patience and joy. One place we went got a thumbs-down; another got a big thumbs-up. The thumbs-down? Our library. Let me say first that I LOVE our library. We benefit SO MUCH from it, and the workers there are friendly and helpful. Normally it gets a big two thumbs-up from me. But today, it didn't. Why? Because for the summer reading program, the charts on which the boys recorded their reading said that prizes could be picked up until August 31. But when we waltzed in there this morning, full of anticipation about receiving prizes, the employee said, "I'm sorry. That's a misprint. The deadline was actually on Saturday." I feel sorry for the poor lady who had to be the bearer of bad news to us (and lots of other families that I saw with orange charts in hand and expectation on their faces); I know it wasn't her decision, and it wasn't her fault, and I don't envy her the task of telling kids they wouldn't be able to get the prizes! But maybe the library could have, after noticing the misprint on the charts, let people know about that before today?? *sigh* Well, on to happier things.  We went to Chick-fil-A for lunch, and it was busy and crazy in there, and a bus pulled up and unloaded lots of people. And you know what? Those CFA employees were AWESOME! They served...and smiled...and helped...and said "my pleasure"...and came around to clean the table...and smiled at Moriah and commented on her blue eyes...and gave the boys refills...and were just generally amazing workers. They made the whole experience a genuine pleasure...even for this "oh-my-goodness-my-hands-are-SO-full-today" mom. CFA, you rock!! 

Aug. 6 - Today at lunch, the topic once again turned to what we should name a new baby (no, I'm not pregnant). I don't know why the boys bring it up so much; I don't instigate it!  But I think it's cute, and I always listen in when they start talking about it. Today's discussion brought about the normal silliness like "we should name him Cucumber!" and "how about Spongy?" But the most clever came from David who said, if we have a girl, we should name her Mount so we could call "Mount! Moriah!" Clever boy. 

Aug. 8 - Jeff called me yesterday morning before he headed home from his monthly breakfast out with Josiah and asked if there was anything I needed him to get at the store. "Well, we're out of fresh fruit," I told him, "so you could get some apples and some bananas...and..." thinking aloud "...maybe some grapes." He did all that--and more. When he got home, I discovered that not only did he get apples and bananas and green grapes AND purple grapes, he also got raspberries...and clementines...and grapefruit...and a pineapple...and kiwi...and dried cranberries.   I asked for 3 kinds of fruit and got 10.   It reminded me of the time four and half years ago (I recorded this incident in my old blog) when I made a grocery list for him and wrote down macaroni. In an effort to be extra helpful and specific, I added the words "plain, dry." Jeff returned with 9 pounds of plain, dry pasta--elbow macaroni, rotini, ziti, angel hair pasta, and egg noodles! 9 pounds!!   During that same shopping trip I had asked for black olives. Jeff brought home 7 cans! Over-achiever. 

Aug. 13 - "D-A-V-E-N-E" I carefully spelled out my name this morning to the lady behind the entries table in the baked goods section of the fair. "I know a Davene," she said, "Davene Wolfe." "I'm named after her!" I proudly informed her. "Really?," she responded, "I go to church with her daughter!" Ah, life in a small town! I love it.   (And I love my name, different though it may be. At least people from my past don't ever have a hard time finding me on Facebook. "Now WHICH of the 5,032 Amy Smiths is the one I'm looking for??" That never happens with me!) 

Aug. 15 - This day has been filled with many good moments--some ordinary, like sweet hugs from my boys, and some out-of-the-ordinary, like working corn with my neighbor and ending up with 43 pints for the freezer. But the picture that most vividly stands out in my mind as I think back over my day happened late this afternoon. Wilma and I had finished our corn project, and I had put my boxes of corn into the freezer; then I returned to her house to give her something. I wasn't sure where I would find her; but as I got close, I saw that she was sitting at her kitchen table. She called to me to come in, and I did...then saw that she had a bowl of food she was eating, and her Bible open on the table beside her food. She was feeding her body--and her spirit. My heart went *click* as I captured the image.

When it comes to Old Order Mennonites or Amish, I find that the general public tends to fall into two categories: 1) those who idolize and romanticize the Old Order groups, and 2) those who put down those groups as having only an outward form of too-strict religion without a real heart change. Because of the blessing of living so close to Douglas and Wilma and sharing life with them during the past 8 years, I think I see them a little more clearly. Sure, they drive a horse and buggy, but that doesn't mean they're against all technology--especially when that technology saves lives (like when their daughter Marlene was air-lifted by helicopter to a hospital across the mountain when she was deathly ill with encephalitis). Sure, they're pacifists, but that doesn't mean they never struggle with anger and strife. Sure, they are careful to teach their children to obey, but that doesn't mean their kids never squabble. Sure, they choose to not be involved in the government, but that doesn't mean they don't pray for our political leaders (they do! more than any other church I know of!). Sure, they strive to live holy, pure lives, but that doesn't mean they're unaware that they fall short of the glory of God and are saved by His grace.

Tonight as I sat at my kitchen table with my Bible open before me (and, I'll admit, cookies and milk, too!), I gave thanks for the woman across the lane who, earlier today, sat at her table, reading God's precious words. I'm inspired by her example of faithful, sacrificial living, and I'm honored to call her my friend.

Aug. 16 - Almost everything in life is improved by the right music. Case in point: listening to Fiddler on the Roof while making applesauce this morning.  The amazingly-cool, is-this-really-August breeze coming in the kitchen windows...the full dishpan of luscious green apples...and those beloved songs. You know those moments of supreme contentment that I keep my eye out for? Well, I had quite a few of those this morning as I sang along with "If I Were a Rich Man"...thought fondly of my wedding when I heard "Sunrise, Sunset"...and tapped my toes (really, I wanted to kick up my heels and do a jig!) to the lively dance tunes. Then I realized I've neglected my children's education because they've never seen Fiddler on the Roof! Guess what we're going to watch during my upcoming family night? 

Aug. 16 - This morning I made applesauce while Moriah was in bed for her morning nap. This afternoon I tried to continue the project while she was awake. I learned something interesting: almost every part of the making-applesauce-and-canning-it project (except for the cutting of the apples and the putting jars in and out of the hot canner) can be done one-handed. My sweet little Moriah seemed to think she MUST be held, so I planted her on my left hip and got to work. Carrying jars up from the cellar with one arm? No problem. Stirring the apples in a pan on the stove with one arm? Possible. Scooping cooked apples into the food mill? Easy as pie. Mixing sugar into the applesauce? Yep. Ladling applesauce into jars? Of course. To tell you the truth, I chafed a little inside me when Moriah whined every time I set her down. "Can't you just sit there and play with toys for five minutes?" I wanted to ask her. But then I realized how incredible it was that all it took to make her completely content was for me to reach down and pick her up. She would be at my feet, fussing, fussing, fussing. When I lifted her up and held her, she was instantly quiet and peaceful. When I changed my perspective to count my blessings, I discovered there were many!  But now that she's in bed again for her afternoon nap, I'm looking forward to working a little faster and making quicker progress in this applesauce project. It's nice to use two arms again. 

Aug. 17 - Listening to my three youngest sons discuss deep theological questions over lunch (when did God begin? if Jesus was born on earth and has a birthday and is God, then why don't we say God has a birthday? what are angels? can angels fly faster than Superman? how will we get to heaven? Shav suggested a bridge...David scoffed at that idea, until I said that yes, Jesus is the bridge...then someone said that we would float up...but Shav reminded us that God will carry us...and so on...) makes me smile and sort of shake my head. They have so little understanding of these weighty matters, but that doesn't stop them from trying to figure them out!  Then I wonder if, when God listens to us (and by us, I mean the "great minds of our day"), he smiles and sort of shakes His head, too. Predestination? Free will? Premillennialism? Amillennialism? and so on... He must think, "They have so little understanding..." When my head starts to spin with the theological arguments swirling around me, I turn again to Philippians 3: 15-16, "All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Yes! Let's live up to what we've already learned. Our spiritual knowledge may only be one drop in a vast ocean, but let's be faithful and obedient to what God has already taught us!

Aug. 20 - Yes and amen!

"We want, in fact, not so much a Father in heaven as a grandfather in heaven...whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, 'A good time was had by all.'...I should very much like to live in a universe which was governed on such lines. But since it is abundantly clear that I don't, and since I have reason to believe, nevertheless, that God is Love, I conclude that my conception of love needs correction.... The problem of reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves is only insoluble so long as we attach a trivial meaning to the word 'love'." 

~ C.S. Lewis

Aug. 20 - Clear out of the blue this afternoon, Tobin announced to me: "When I have a wife and am a dad to my kids, if we have a girl, I might name her Kathy Rhodes." At first, I thought he said "Cassie Rose," (he was downstairs calling up the steps to me when he was saying this, so I didn't hear him clearly), and I thought, "Well, that's a nice name, but WHY Cassie Rose?" And then he said, "You know, like on the farm we visited! KATHY RHODES!"   :)  Kathy, one of the local volunteers with the Fresh Air Fund, sure made a good impression on him!!! 

Aug. 20 - While canning peaches today, I could almost feel the presence of preceding generations of women in my family line who spent their August days bending over hot stoves to preserve food for coming winters. I personally remember my Grandma Winters doing it, and I know her mother did it...and her mother...and so forth... In real life, my kitchen today held three generations who were dicing peaches and putting them in jars. My mother and myself, of course. Anyone want to guess which one of my children was helping us out? [It was Tobin.]  :)

Aug. 20 - Humbling, but profound quote!

You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

 ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Aug. 21 - We returned from a day trip to Pennsylvania and discovered that it's been raining here. Shav quipped, "Thanks, God, for watering our garden for us...BUT NO THANKS FOR WATERING THE WEEDS!" 

Aug. 28 - I'm reading an article about perfectionism (by Jill Savage, in the Aug/Sept edition of Thriving Family magazine), and this jumped out at me and said, "BOO!" Jill wrote, "...[perfectionism] causes us to compare our insides with other people's outsides." Isn't that the truth?! I had a great phone conversation last evening with a friend who is a young mom and was feeling overwhelmed. She seemed surprised when I told her that EVERY SINGLE DAY I feel overwhelmed, too. Apparently my cheerful posts on FB and my blog don't always convey that.  But let me state here and now that I don't have it all together...I fall short all the time...in this juggling act of being a wife/mother/homemaker/homeschooler/etc. I'm constantly dropping balls all over the place. I would never want my "outsides" to discourage someone who is comparing them to her "insides." Another point in the article hit home for me, too. Jill wrote about several ways of changing our perspective, and one of them was this: "The moment in which we find ourselves is just as important as the moment we planned to be in." Yes! May I have the grace to remember and walk in that truth.

Aug. 29 - EXCELLENT article.  I could not agree more with what he says here.

Aug. 29 - Walking down Memory Lane tonight... One of my college roommates and dear friends Jackie posted a picture recently of a child's table and chairs set that she had had in her home when she lived in Egypt (and now her 3-year-old daughter Nyah uses it).  A tidal wave of memories washed over me tonight when I saw that photo, and I completely abandoned any thought of doing anything else until I could find a certain picture: my own sweet Josiah sitting on one of those chairs and playing at that table. You see, when Jackie lived in Egypt, we lived in Israel; and in October of 2003, when Josiah was 16 months old (Moriah's current age!), we had the pleasure of visiting Jackie in Cairo. She was an EXCELLENT tour guide, and I could write pages about that wonderful trip.  But what stands out in my memory tonight is how Josiah, who was going through a shy stage, warmed up to her so quickly, and they became great buddies during our visit there.  See?  

Aug. 29 - Almost 10 years ago, Jackie was loving on my little boy as we sailed down the Nile River. Today I found out that, come January, she's going to have a little boy of her own to adore. I couldn't be happier!!! 

Aug. 29 - Tonight's edition of trivia that only matters to Davene but she puts it on Facebook so she'll remember it:  the height and weight of the Fisher boys! I finally remembered to measure them on our growth chart tonight, and then decided to have them all weigh as well. Josiah was 57 inches and 70 pounds (average for 11-year-old boy is 52 inches and 77 pounds). David was 50.25 inches and 54 pounds(average for 8-year-old boy is 45 inches and 57.2 pounds). Tobin (who is actually five and a half) was 43.75 inches and 39.8 pounds (average for 5-year-old boy is 40 inches and 41.8 pounds). Shav was 39.75 inches and 37.2 pounds (average for 4-year-old boy is 37 inches and 35-37 pounds). With body shapes/sizes/types being SO different, I realize these stats don't necessarily say a thing about overall health. But they might, however, explain why I have a hard time finding pants that are small enough around the waist and long enough in the legs for my boys! 

Aug. 31 - Our dinner table is a little empty this evening! Jeff was given free tickets to the JMU football game tonight, so he took Josiah, David, and my dad, and they went to the game. Guys Night Out.  

 Aug. 31 - Jeff has sent me a few pictures during the course of the evening...and I really appreciate his pictorial updates.  I was wondering how far along the game was...and what the score is...and things like that. But the most recent picture he sent me had nothing to do with any of that. It was a picture of David holding a tooth that just came out! I have no idea how the Dukes are doing, but MY SON JUST LOST A TOOTH!!!  :)  

Joy and Sorrow on Labor Day

 Our Labor Day was so special this year.

 A houseful of guests - two of whom came the night before to spend their anniversary night at the Fisher B&B ;-) - made it a day full of joy...

 ...laughter...

 ...a yummy feast...

 ...fun conversation...

 ...games...

 ...and a taste of the country - including a visit to our garden, our neighbor's produce wagon, and our local peach orchard to stock up on fresh fruit and veggies - for our city friends.  :)

But despite the abundance of happiness that pervaded the time our guests were here, I cannot think of this Labor Day without feeling a blanket of sorrow descend on my soul.  You see, late that afternoon, a 12 year-old girl was hit in the road in front of our neighbor's house.

It's ironic: during the course of our conversation that day, one of our guests asked me if I feel safe letting my kids play outside, especially with the danger from the road.  I answered rather nonchalantly, telling her a little about how we set boundaries and establish trust, and how the boys have each had their moment of pushing the boundaries and learning from it.  I also emphasized how, in general, the boys do a good job of looking out for each other, and that's so helpful.

And then...

Not an hour after our guests had departed to drive back to their homes in northern Virginia, sirens sounded and a crowd gathered.  A young girl, walking along the road with her friends who live across the road from us, had started to go out into the road - I don't know why - and was tragically struck by a minivan, the third vehicle in a group from Pennsylvania that was traveling together.

She wasn't the first child to be hit here on our stretch of this road.  Many years ago, before I was born, but while my parents and my two oldest siblings lived here, a boy named Jeff who lived directly across the road from our house ran into the road during a game of hide-and-seek, was struck by a passing car, and died.  His parents still live in that same house.  What must have been racing through their minds as they saw the rescue vehicles on Monday and heard about another child being hit in that road?

In our front yard stands a huge pine tree, sold to my parents so long ago by Jeff Miller as a fundraiser for his Boy Scout troop.  It honors his memory - a life inexplicably cut short.

The girl in the accident on Monday?  As far as I know, she still lives.  She was transported across the mountain to a larger hospital; but since then, I haven't heard anything about her condition.  I, and many others, have prayed so much for her.  As my thoughts fly across the mountain to her hospital room, my prayers fly upward to God who sees all, knows all, and never lets a sparrow fall without His knowledge.  May He hold her gently and touch her softly with His healing hands!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday {Grandma Loves Moriah}

P.S. The feeling is mutual.  ;-)

The One Cicada Characteristic I Envy

Cicadas are fascinating creatures.

Actually, I think virtually all of God's creatures are fascinating, if observed closely enough.  That's one of the (many!) reasons I'm grateful for homeschooling, because now that I'm old enough to appreciate it, I can (re)learn all kinds of neat things about this amazing world God made!  ;-)

But back to cicadas...  I don't know much about them, apart from their unique 17-year cycle of renewal.  But there is one thing about them that I envy: they can see how much they've grown.

Wouldn't you love to look over at an empty shell and be able to say, "Hey, that was me!  And now look at how much bigger I am!  I've really changed!  I've really grown!  I am not the same!"

I wish I could do that spiritually.  I wish I could have *proof* that I have grown and changed and become more fully like my Savior and example, Jesus.  I wish I had an empty shell I could point to.

I don't have any of that.  But what I do have is this promise...

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

~ 2 Corinthians 3:18