Morsels

My heart sank a little as I watched Jeff and the boys pull out of our driveway in the minivan this morning.  They were on their way to a church service, and I?  I was remaining here at home with Moriah, both of us having been afflicted yesterday with the cold that Tobin and Shav caught earlier this week.  Ordinarily, I wouldn't mind at all the opportunity to stay here at home with my favorite girl.  :)  But today, I was a little sad because I wanted to receive spiritual food to strengthen me for my walk with the Lord.

It wasn't long at all until God gave me my first bite.

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I sat down at the computer with Moriah on my lap, somewhat randomly started watching someone's video of a birth story, and heard a song in the background of that video--a song I'd never (consciously) heard before.  When I looked it up, I discovered that it was this...
My soul worshiped as my spirit cried, "Yes!  Be near, oh God!  This is the cry of my heart!"  The line "Your nearness is to us our good" made me pause and reflect; and throughout the rest of the day, this song circled back through my thoughts.

"Be near, oh God," as I change the sheets that someone wet last night.

"Be near, oh God," as my sick little daughter clings to me like a koala for 40 minutes straight, my shoulder getting soaked from her runny nose and slobber.

"Be near, oh God," as I clean poop out of the bathtub (that hasn't happened for a while, but tonight it did).

"Be near, oh God," in all the moments of life, especially these times of simple service in the most humble of circumstances to the least of these.

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Another bite of spiritual food was given to me this evening as I sat in the bathroom watching Moriah take her bath (this was before the poop incident).  ;-)  I was reading my daily portion in The One-Year Bible, and it just so happened that the psalm for the day was 27--a psalm I have read countless times before.  But you know what got me this time?  This.  "One thing I ask from the Lord...to gaze on the beauty of the Lord."

To gaze on His beauty?  What does that mean?  Do I do that enough?  Do I realize how beautiful He is?  Other adjectives quickly come to mind when I think of God: powerful, strong, loving, present, involved, etc.  But beautiful?

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While Moriah took her morning nap, I sat down with a cup of French vanilla coffee, a handful of tortilla chips, and a book I grabbed off the shelf--A Man Called Norman by Mike Adkins.  I got a good start in the book until I finally forced myself to put it down and get on to other things; but tonight after all the kids were in bed, I sat down with it again--and with a bowl of frozen sour cherries covered in milk; I love to eat while I read!  ;-) --and finished it.  That was a big ol' helping of spiritual food!  I felt challenged in my level of service to those outside my comfort zone and in my ability to hear God's voice and step out boldly in obedience.  I needed to hear those challenges.

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Towards the end of the book, Mike Adkins brings up Isaiah 58, a chapter I've long been familiar with in regards to right fasting; but tonight, the end of verse 7 reached out and punched me squarely in the nose--in the best possible way, of course.  ;-)  In response to God's question, "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen?" one of the answers is "...not to turn away from your own flesh and blood."  Though I never knew Isaiah mentioned it, that principle has been one of the major forces guiding our decisions during the past nine years.

Sometimes we've second-guessed ourselves.

Sometimes God reaches down and speaks.  "Yes," He says, "you are walking in the path I've chosen for you.  You are doing what I desire."

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I didn't get to go anywhere today.  I didn't get to raise my voice in songs of worship with others.  I didn't get to hear a preacher preach or see a soul baptized or share a fellowship meal.  But God met me, and He fed me.

And my heart cry: be near, oh God?

He was--and is.