Baby Blessing: Weeks 13 & 14

I might as well start with the embarrassing stuff.  As promised, here is a picture of me, wearing David's goggly eye glasses.  Don't I look stunning?  Well, stunned, maybe.  ;-)  Oh, it's good to take ourselves lightly and be able to laugh at our own expense.  :)

Now that we've got that out of the way, how's the rest of the pregnancy?  Fine, I think.  I have a new companion by my bedside; a bottle of Tums has taken up residence there since I've already started having some heartburn.  No big deal though.  Physically, I feel "normal."  A little extra fatigue, an extra awareness of girth around my midsection especially when I'm trying to do more strenuous activities like trim shrubs, rake leaves, and mulch flowerbeds.  But those issues are minor.

The thing that's been troubling me a little is a sense of uneasiness about the health of the baby.  I don't have a single good reason to worry; but even though my head knows that, my heart wonders about the "what if" and longs for my next appointment (five days away!) so that I can receive some confirmation about what is going on inside me.

Interestingly, it was at this phase of my pregnancy with Shav that I felt similar feelings of concern.  I didn't remember that off the top of my head; but one evening, I happened to be reading through the archives of my experience with Shav and discovered that my anxiety was present then, too.  I suppose that's comforting.  Either that, or an indication that I haven't made much progress in the area of putting Philippians 4:6 into practice in my life!  

I don't know for sure, but it's possible that my lack of peace in this area stems from the fact that I haven't felt any definitive fetal movement.  I know it's "too early" for that, but I did feel it this early with Tobin, so you can call me silly for even letting myself be a bit concerned about a lack of movement, but so far, all the times I've called myself silly for feeling this way haven't served to take away the lingering sense of dread that I have.  I keep telling myself that once I can feel the baby move, it will be so much easier to relax and trust that all is well with the baby!

Speaking of silly, here's something else that doesn't help.  I haven't breathed a word of my concern to the boys; but for some strange reason, they've taken to asking me, particularly after they climb on my lap or watch me get bumped or jarred, "Did that kill the baby?"  "I don't think so," I weakly respond; but good grief, having them ask that question certainly isn't helping anything!!!  :)

I guess what I'm learning more than anything is that, from beginning to end, parenting is a lesson in trust.  At EVERY step of the way, the temptation to fall into the pit of worry is there; but thankfully, another possibility is waiting, too:  the opportunity to put my hand in His and say, "Not my will, but Yours."