When February Feels Like Spring

A year ago, our world looked like this:  snow and icicles, gorgeous but cold.  This year, we've had some unusually mild days here in February; and although I absolutely loved last winter's abundance of snow, I'm not complaining about yesterday's 72 degree weather.  :)  

On Wednesday of this week, Jeff had taken the boys to the dollar store because David had saved up some money that was burning a hole in his pocket.  While there, Jeff saw two kites for a dollar, so he got them, knowing that even if a kite ended up in a tree or suffered a devastating crash landing, it wouldn't be such a great loss.  :)  When he got home, out tromped Jeff, Josiah, David, and Tobin, who were soon joined by two of the neighbor girls, to the front lawn to try their hand at kite-flying.  They achieved marginal success, and it was enough to give Tobin his first chance to go fly a kite.  (I can hear the song from Mary Poppins now...)

I love this picture: the sun on his face, the way he looks so big and grown-up, his look of happy concentration.

 What am I saying?  I love this boy!  He's the element that makes the picture look good!

 Can you see the kite up in the sky?

 Because of Jeff's frequent instructions to Tobin to "back up! back up!", no kites became entangled in trees.

 Old Glory returned safely to earth...

...to fly again another day.  Maybe when, again, February feels like spring.

Speaking of Love #18

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

~ Lucy Van Pelt, 

in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz

Once in a while, Jeff will come home from work and will hand me, on the sly so the kids don't see it, a Skor bar.  Love and chocolate--together--just the way it's supposed to be, right, Lucy?  ;-)

On Christmas Eve in '96, he wrote this...

24 Dec 96
Tuesday


Hey there, Wonderful - 


O!  Only two days!  I would like to put it on fast forward.  I am very "chipper."


I only work a 1/2 day here at work (8:30-12:30).  Then I'll go home, pack an overnight bag, clean house a bit, and head for Big Bear.  Then I'll drop off Kim's gifts for the Hoovers, then home.  Tomorrow is a Wednesday, so I'm sure Dad will take the opportunity to have a meeting...  Then I will try and leave a bit early on Thursday morning...head to Rob's, maybe see a few friends (cops), and then head to Ontario airport [in California, not to be confused with the Canadian one!].  I am quite excited.


I don't know what kind of day to expect today, but it's only four hours, so I really don't mind...  I still have not decided about Sunday... Kim has it off, maybe it would be good if we all did something.  I was thinking about flying to Vegas instead of driving [Jeff has a brother who lives there, and we visited him and his family during my Christmas trip to CA that year]...tickets are cheap...it would be fun to finally fly together and not apart.  :)  I think I'll wait and see how busy Friday is before I choose to take Sunday off.  It may be that it is really busy because many Navy men will be coming back.  Odds are, I'll take it off... I love you, and I don't get enough of you and I together.  :)


...


You are wonderful!


I love you!


Jeffrey

He Acts as if...

...we (and by we, I mean, of course, Jeff)...

....cut these holes in our wall between our kitchen and living room...

...just for him.

Some days, I think...

..."What animal does David remind me of most:  a kangaroo or a monkey?"

I conclude that he's a good mixture of both...

...he LOVES to jump and he LOVES to climb.

It's a good thing we homeschool so we can do things like...

...letting David learn to read while he's standing on his head on the couch, and letting him practice math facts while running circles on our rug, and letting him read Little Bear while sitting in a window.

Josiah sometimes climbs through these windows, and Tobin likes to stand on his tiptoes to peek through and dream of the day when he's big enough to do the same, but David...well...he's the one who seems to think that  Daddy did all that hard work

just

for

him!

Speaking of Love #16 & 17

Time to play catch-up.  First, the quotes...

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.

~ Mother Teresa

Isn't that a powerful quote?  Wow!  Convicting and inspiring.

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

~ Martin Luther

That one is, too.  Ouch, my toes are getting stepped on!  :)

And now the letters...

4 Nov 96

Hey there, wonderful lady!

Today has been a search for an inexpensive place to stay.  I may have to live in a smaller place first, then move when you come, to a better place.  I can't seem to get a hold of the office in Angelus Oaks.  I have decided though, it is time to leave, and I am hoping to be out by Friday.  If I have to, I will live in Yucaipa or Beaumont for a while.  [Quick note:  after he returned from Israel in the summer of '96, he lived with his parents in Big Bear, CA; but by this point, he was feeling the strain of being a grown man and still living under his parents' roof, so he was considering options for moving out...plus, we were already engaged, and he was looking ahead to our future together.]

I want to thank you for being a listening ear.  I love you, Davene.  My sister has been keeping me from feeling alone in this...all my brothers and sister have been through this.  I know it is all crazy to you...your exposure to the "varieties" of the world has been very little.  Your parents have done well in sheltering you.  I am glad...but life, I suppose, is going to be a constant shock to you.

I am relieved for Thanksgiving [he was coming to visit me in Virginia then]...I am relieved in your faithfulness to stick with me.  You are wonderful, Davene.  I love you.  

Today's been another slow day [in the barbershop] so far (not what I need), but it has given me a chance to look at newspapers and call numbers.  May God direct me correctly.

6 pm.  I did not find a place to stay...all the mountain cabins in Angelus Oaks, Forest Falls, and Mountain Home are $500- and up, except for one studio apartment for $350- but it is barely bigger than your bedroom.  It looks as if I'll end up in Yucaipa...

I called Kim [his sister].  I am going to move to San Diego Friday.  I will commute until Dec. 19, my last day of school and then quit my Yucaipa job and get a better job in San Diego.  By June, I will have our place for us somewhere down there.  It will be the city, but of cities, I like it most and I've lived there before.  Besides...it has great musical arts, higher paying barbershops, and we will be close to Kim and Mike.  I feel relief...she has helped me immensely.  I love you, Davene.   I am in music class right now awaiting my test results.  O boy, do I feel better now that I have a good plan again.  Thank God...  I indeed am encouraged... O how happy I am.

I got an A [on his music test]! I only missed one - only 5 people in the class got an A - no one got all of them right!  Thank You, Jesus!  O Davene, I love you, my interval teacher!!!  

Now we're doing minor scales and a lot of other scales:  harmonic, pure, melodic, pentatonic, blues, whole, chromatic, etc.  A lot of stuff...the test is the night I return from being with you.  I love you, Davene.

Well, I am going to drop this in the mail on the way to Angelus Oaks...remember to write me at my sister's address now!

I love you!

I miss you!

I long for you!

Jeffrey

And another one, written 9 days later...

13 Nov 96

Wednesday

My dearest Happy - 

How are you?  I am forging ahead, feeling a little better thanks to your sacrificial phone calls to the school pay phones last night.  You truly are incredible, Davene - and I love you with all my heart.  I know this is a difficult two weeks for both of us.  I am very anxious to see you and be with you....

I love you, Davene, and your companionship builds me up - you make my confidence rise and my joy increase.  I really do love you.  I long to support you more - to be at your March recital - O Davene, it is hard to be without you.  I want to experience life with you, not apart.  I want to share the fun times with you and the not so fun times.  You are the "lady of my dreams"; I love you, Happy.

...

You just cheered me up with a brief phone call to the shop!  Thank you, my princess!  I love you so much.  You play all the right keys of my heart.

Davene, there is no one like you - I am so grateful that God brought us together in Israel!  I love you!  Yes, I do.

Yaquir

Pardon Me, I Think My Cave Is Showing

If this past January could be summed up in one word - sickness - this February can be summed up in one word, too - cave-dwelling.  There is so much going on inside my head and heart that I find myself withdrawing, turning inwards, and reflecting on my own situation.  I'm not trying to be suspenseful about all this reflecting; in a nutshell, it mostly has to do with our continued search for where God is leading us spiritually, what congregation to be a part of, and how that will affect our family.  But it weighs on me; and as Jeff and I talk and pray and search, we are keenly aware of the four little ones who are looking to us for guidance.  It feels huge.

Meanwhile, I discover that I'm spending more and more time in my cave.  How do I see that happening?  For one thing, even though I've blogged a lot this month, my posts have been, for the most part, shallow.  I've LOVED going back through Jeff's letters, and that theme has brought a lot of joy to my heart, but that hasn't demanded of me that I open my heart now and bare my current thoughts and feelings to the inspection of my readers.  The various random events of my life with boys have provided plenty of material for short posts here and there, but again, there's not much depth there.  That's OK; not everything has to be deep; I know that.  But it is uncharacteristic of me to not reveal much at all of what I'm really thinking and how I'm really feeling, and that tells me that I've been hanging out in my cave.

The other way I notice it is in, for example, my email inbox.  My number of emails have climbed rapidly during the past few weeks; and when I stop to analyze that, I realize that it's not because I've been getting so many more than normal but because I haven't responded to them.  I feel like a turtle, secluded in its shell, and I don't even want to poke my head out.  I also see it in how few comments I've left on other people's blogs recently and how sporadically I've responded to people who have left comments on mine.  I'm way behind in reading the new posts on my Google Reader.  I know full well that there's no pressure with all of this, and I shouldn't feel it as such a weighty obligation.  But the fact is, these are my friends I'm talking about!  I'm not so vain as to think that the world stops turning if I don't respond to someone's email right away, but I'm also aware that I want to make my friends feel treasured and special and loved, and I can't do that well if I don't answer an email (and to a lesser extent, read their blog and perhaps leave a comment).  To those who are reading and have maybe felt let down by me recently, I'm so sorry.

So.
Here I am.
In my cave.
Trying to summon up the mental and emotional energy to take a small step out of it and connect with someone.
Because I know that making my own cave look pretty is far less important than living in the real (messy) world.
And being safe is nothing compared with being sent.

If Any of Our Boys Becomes a Barber, It Will Be...

...Tobin.  I can see his business card now:

Haircuts by Tobin Fisher, 

Master Barber,

with 20 Years of Experience

"What?" they'll ask. "How can you have 20 years of experience when you're only 23 years old?"

"Simple math," he'll answer. "I did my first haircut when I was three."

And so he did, this very morning.  

He has developed quite a fascination with scissors recently, and I've discovered his handiwork a few times already--with things as meaningless as a Ziploc bag and with things as possibly meaningful as a receipt (I think the one he destroyed wasn't important, but his hand could have landed on one that was) and with things as cherished as the plastic ribbons that hang from the handlebars of our indoor tricycles (which displeased certain of his brothers mightily).  Just a day or two ago, I found him exploring the contents of Daddy's drawer in our downstairs bathroom; and when I saw him reach for the pair of barber scissors there, I told him that they were not toys and he was not allowed to play with them.  Apparently cutting hair doesn't qualify as "play" because, despite my warning, he was caught red-handed this morning.  This was the scene that greeted Jeff as he came downstairs (and I apologize for the blurry picture; it's the best Jeff could do under the circumstances):  

Before Jeff discovered him and demanded that he surrender his scissors, Tobin managed to make a few good cuts of his hair.  See evidence below:

It's a good thing Jeff was already planning to give Tobin a haircut today; but even with the close cut Jeff gave him, there are still two obvious spots where Tobin's work is still visible.  Oh well, it's only hair.  

At least he didn't cut more.

At least he chose his own head to practice on, and not one of his brothers' (which would have certainly been Shav's).

At least he didn't poke an eye out.

At least now we know to put the scissors well out of his reach.

At least his resume is going to look impressive.  ;-)

I suppose sooner or later, nearly every family with young children deals with the crime of Illicit Haircuts.  My own parents had their turn with it when my sister, ten years my senior, cut off my long, long braids while my parents were gone.  I was about seven or eight at the time, and I can't remember for sure but I suppose I thought it was fun.  Now I can hardly imagine my parents' horror upon their return to find me shorn.  Guess what?  My sister, who now is employed as a claims adjuster or some such thing in the insurance industry, worked for many years as a hairstylist.  

I guess there's hope for Tobin.  ;-)

Speaking of Love #15

Being an artist at romance does not require so much a sentimental and emotional nature as it requires a thoughtful nature.  When we think of the romantic things, we think of events that occur because someone made a choice to love.

~ H. Norman Wright

During the long, slowly-passing months of our engagement, Jeff and I had plenty of opportunities to make the choice to love.  Our long-distance relationship, with him in California and me in Pennsylvania, was not easy at all.  Rather than being a smooth ride of gradually-escalating peaceful bliss and excitement, it was a roller coaster ride with sudden ups and downs and the kind of spins and turns that leave a person with a headache!  We had some WONDERFUL times during those eight months, but we also had some challenging moments.  This letter from Jeff gives a glimpse of the agony of being so far apart from each other during that time...

24 Oct 96

Thursday

Dear Davene - 

How are you today?  I am doing better...moments away from my history essay exam.  I'll be glad when it's over...I hope I pass, but I'm to that over-saturation point, I don't care too much anymore.  All that matters is you.

I want to thank you again for the photos...I put them in one of those Israel small albums and carry them in my briefcase.  It is so nice to have pictures of you to look at and share with others.  I love you, Davene.

Well, I know you had a busy day today...and I apologize for the rough call last night.  It is not easy being so far apart.  I want to be more involved in your life...that when you help in someone's recital, I could be there, too...but I can't.  I wish I could be more of an encouragement to your life, I wish I knew more of its details, I wish I could go to your classes with you and follow your day so I could relate better...I am sorry if I seem distant, a "stranger."  I wish it was different, I long for it to be different, some day it will be different.  O Davene, I do love you...I won't give up.  I get discouraged being slotted after midnight on your schedule, but I understand.  You are worth it all, some have it harder.  My sister and Mike had no phone calls and 10 days between letters.  I should be thankful.  Perez just arrived so it's time to take my test...

The test is over...I did not do the greatest.  None of the essay questions he selected were exactly what I studied...Oh well, it is over and I am glad.  It is one more thing off my shoulders for now.

O Davene, I miss you...I am sitting in my car listening to a Christian music station...not all the kind of music I think is conducive to Christianity, but it stirs my emotions to miss you even more and right now that's all I can seem to concentrate on...if Jenks Lake wasn't open to the public, I think I'd head up there and go swimming right now.  I think I will drive and go see...I need an escape, I need to relax, I need a break...some entertainment.  I love you.

Well, I am at the lake, but I am sorry to find out they have No Swimming signs up and the lake keeper said "No" to me - it's too cold.  (Not for me.)  I am tempted to do it anyway...what can they do?  Arrest me for swimming in a lake?  The world is too full of regulations in some regards...regulations without exceptions!  O to be free on God's earth.  I suppose it's a little windy today anyway.  Clouds are in the sky, and it's about 60 degrees F.  I've swam this lake with ice and snow on its shores...it's too bad I am not permitted to swim it today.  O well, I will enjoy the sounds of nature, far from civilization...the ducks wrestling in the water, the pine needles swaying in the wind, the birds chirping and the occasional sound of woodpeckers and squirrels.  If we live in A.O. [Angelus Oaks, a little village on the way up the mountain to Big Bear, CA], this will be a quick, easy place for us to frequent if we like.  (Even at night.)  :)  A campfire on the shore would be nice someday.  :)  I love you!

...Hours later, the reflection of the sun rays on the lake is beautiful as the sun begins to set...I'd better get back to school.  I will stop here in A.O. to see if I can get a rental sheet and mail this letter off...

I love you, Davene,

Jeffrey