Wordless Wednesday {Mother & Son}

Someday I'll Laugh about This {UTI Edition}

It started as vague discomfort this morning; but by 11:00 or so, it was raging.  A fast and furious version of a urinary tract infection had hit me out of nowhere, and OH.MY.WORD.

I haven't had many in my 39 years of life; but even when I have had them, it wasn't this bad.  Today's?  It was HORRIBLE.  I will henceforth have piles and piles of compassion for anyone else who suffers from a UTI because NOW I KNOW.

The good part of all of this is that I was immediately seen by my favorite family doctor :) who confirmed the diagnosis and started me on some amoxicillin; then later, when I called him again and begged for some pain relief, he went to the store and brought back some medicine specifically for that.  That's what I call service!  :)  But before the medicine really kicked in, I had about four hours of agony.

I was so, so grateful that Jeff's mom is here right now because she kept the household going and the kids fed and happy during my time of distress when I could do NOTHING.  But I did have to feed Benjamin, and this is where the someday-this-might-strike-me-as-funny part comes in.  I was stuck in the bathroom, afraid to venture too far from it, so there I was, simultaneously nursing my baby and taking care of other business, so to speak.  And then an awful foot cramp hit me, just like it did during this pregnancy, and all I could do was try to stand on it and hobble around the bathroom, dragging this heavy old foot behind me, trying desperately to get it to relax.  All the while, Benjamin was nursing--or trying to.  It wasn't the ideal setting for mother/son bonding, that's for sure!  ;-)

Tonight the foot cramp struck again, and I was so worn out from everything today that I went in Benjamin's room and sat down and just cried.  David came in and hugged me tenderly, then brought me a box of tissues and an ice pack to try to get my foot to feel better.  Josiah said later, "I've never seen you cry from physical pain before!"

I guess these boys are getting their education in how to deal with a difficult woman!  ;-)

I Don't JUST Feed and Diaper the Baby

Sometimes it feels like all I'm getting done these days are the bare essentials necessary to sustain life; and chief among those duties, of course, is the care of Benjamin.  Every day, I spend hours "just" feeding, changing, clothing, burping, bathing, and holding him.  That's just how it is in these newborn days, and I don't mind that at all.

But occasionally, it's nice to experience life outside the baby bubble; and today I got the chance to do that by completing a household project.  Admittedly, it was a very small project, but encouraging nonetheless as I was able to snatch a little time to transform this horribly messy bookshelf...

...into this much neater one.

There are approximately 5,000 other places in my home that could use a similar transformation, but today all I had time for was this one.  Oh well, at least now that I've accomplished this, there are only 4,999 to go!!  ;-)

How I Prepared My Mind for Labor

When I was pregnant with Josiah, I read books about labor and delivery, talked to many women about their own experiences with giving birth, and watched numerous episodes of A Baby Story, striving through it all to prepare as best as I could for the unknown: the birth of my first child.  But as hard as I tried, I couldn't really imagine how it would be to give birth; and through that experience, I learned one of the biggest keys to having a successful birth experience: staying flexible.  :)  During that labor, I discovered that one thing that was supposed to help a laboring woman--watching her baby's head in a mirror as it descended in the birth canal--did nothing for me.  But in the end, Josiah was born, and everything was bliss.  :)

Being pregnant with David was a whole new adventure, especially because I was doing it in Israel.  Again, I read books and talked to other mothers; but this time I added new steps to my preparation--like taking a tour of the hospital in Tel Aviv and trying to understand the Hebrew words of the tour guide!  When the actual day of his birth came, I was distracted enough by my mom's arrival at the airport that I didn't even realize I was truly in labor; and by the time I did realize it, things went pretty fast.  But even in this labor, I discovered that something else that was supposed to help a laboring woman--having a focal point to look at, like a picture of a loved family member (I had a picture of Josiah)--did nothing for me.  However in the end, David was born, and everything was bliss.  :)

During my pregnancy with Tobin, I read the book Supernatural Childbirth for the first time; and although I have some mixed feelings about it, I will be the first to admit that the book helped me tremendously in the area of preparing my mind and spirit to give birth.  In a way, I did the mental work of labor during the pregnancy; and then when I got to the actual labor, I found myself able to relax and enjoy it MUCH more than I would have previously imagined.  The last half hour before he was born was tough; but until that point, I sailed through labor pretty easily.  Such a gift!  Tobin was born, and everything was bliss.  :)

I got pregnant with Shav when Tobin was only 9 months old; and since my fourth child came so soon after my third, I found myself dealing with an extra measure of fear because I hadn't had time to forget the hard work of childbirth!  The anxiety I felt as the birth approached stood in sharp contrast to the peace I had taken with me into my labor with Tobin.  Mentally, I wasn't as strong and ready as I would have liked to be; but in the end, Shav was born, and everything was bliss.  :)

While pregnant with Moriah, I again read the book Supernatural Childbirth, and I took a considerable amount of time to write down specific scriptures and fill my mind with those promises of God.  During the actual process of labor, although I hadn't planned for this to happen, the phrase "carry me" became my sustaining prayer (I wrote about this here), and the image of Shav in the raft at the waterpark (written about here) was at the forefront of my mind, inspiring me to a similar level of leaning on the Lord as I gave birth to my daughter.  It was a sweet, sweet time of trust.  Moriah was born, and everything was bliss.  :)

Fast forward to the year 2015 as I approached my sixth experience with labor and delivery.  For so long during this pregnancy, I had felt that it was all very unreal; and even as the end of those nine months drew near, I dragged my feet in some of the necessary steps of preparation for giving birth (like registering at the hospital and packing my bag for the hospital) because it still didn't seem real, and I still felt like I had plenty of time.

But at some point, I woke up and realized that soon and very soon, I was again going to experience the process of birth; and I needed to get ready for it.

"HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO DO THIS?" was my not-so-profound thought.  "How do I get ready for labor?  What is going to be the song/verse/image/other that gets me through this time?  HOW DO I DO THIS??"

And then one night, I was listening to some music on YouTube--something I often did because I had a playlist already set up with some songs I wanted to listen to during labor.  I had previously added 24 songs to the playlist, and I found great delight in turning that on and enjoying the music, long before I felt any real contractions.  I still enjoy that playlist!  :)

Somehow, in the midst of doing that, I clicked on a piece by Jon Schmidt--he's the piano part of The Piano Guys--and listened, for the first time, to his song "Waterfall."  Before that, I had rarely listened to his solo pieces because I enjoy so much the collaboration that characterizes the piano and cello (and sometimes other instruments or voices) pieces of The Piano Guys; but for whatever reason, I "happened" to listen to "Waterfall" and instantly loved it.  And it became #25 on my "While I Labor" playlist.  :)

Here, take a moment to listen to it, if you wish.

I don't think it was an instant revelation; but over a period of time as I listened to this piece and pondered some scriptures, I began to get an idea of the image that would prepare me for labor.  This is the image...

I'm standing under a waterfall; and as the water pours over me, it strips away more and more of me until the remaining form of my body is transparent.  I am still there, but I am almost nothing.  My baby, however, is real and solid and strong; and as the water continues to rush over--and now through--me, the power of that water is what compels the baby to descend in the birth canal and ultimately be pushed out of my body in the glorious freedom of birth.  I don't do it.  It's the water that does, and the water is peace.  "Let the peace of Christ flow...let the peace of Christ flow...let the peace of Christ flow..."

That repeated phrase, that mental image, and that song were the things I returned to over and over in the days leading up to Benjamin's birth.  When waves of nervousness and fear tried to overwhelm me, I focused my mind once again on the thought of the peace of Christ being the waterfall that would flow over me and bring forth my baby.

How could I have known that my sweet sixth child would be born in the water?  I could not have guessed that, for the first time ever, my brain would not be required to make the decision to push a baby out of my body; but instead, a force greater than my conscious mind would take over and draw that baby out of me.

Looking back, I can see how perfect that image was to prepare me for Benjamin's birth; but at the time, I had no idea.  I fully believe, however, that it was God speaking to my heart, speaking peace, speaking assurance, giving me something to cling to when I began to doubt.

It was the peace of Christ, and it flowed powerfully.  

May it continue to do so, not just at the moment of Benjamin's birth, but all the days of his life!!

~ photos after Benjamin's bath on 9/25/15 ~

The Birth of Benjamin {Through Robin's Eyes}

Ever since I knew that such a thing as birth photography existed, I wanted it.  Through the years, I have been especially inspired by Renee, a blogger I've followed for years, as she's built her birth photography (and other photography, too) business; and each time I've seen the photos from a birth, I've been drawn more and more to that record of some of the most intense and meaningful moments in a mother's life.

When I was pregnant with Moriah, I brought up the subject with Jeff and discovered that he wasn't in agreement.  That difference of opinion, which could have become a sour note in our relationship, actually led to a deeper level of love and respect between us (story told here); and I don't regret--not even a tiny bit--how all of that turned out.

But then I got pregnant again; and, knowing that it was almost certainly my last pregnancy, I again felt the nudge to have a birth photographer present during this birth.  And so, with some uncertainty, I approached Jeff about it.  To my great delight, he said yes--provided the cost wasn't too great and preferably with a photographer that we knew and were already somewhat comfortable with.

As it turned out, we asked Robin--a talented local photographer whom Jeff knew from her bringing her son into the barbershop for haircuts and I knew because she works in my midwives' office--if she might be interested in taking photos during the birth.  We knew she couldn't guarantee to be there, especially because she has a "real" job; and we certainly didn't expect her to be able to drop everything and come when we called.  But we wondered if she would be willing to come IF my labor started at a convenient time for her, and we were so happy when she said yes.  Even though I knew that, despite her agreement, it still might not work out for her to be there, I had a deep sense of peace that somehow it would work out...and even if it didn't, it would be OK.  I was content to let the timing of events be the determining factor in whether we had birth photos or not, but I really did feel like God would orchestrate things so that Robin could be a part of our big event...and I was so looking forward to her participation!  :)

When my labor did begin, that Saturday night here at home, Jeff texted Robin to let her know something was happening; and I rejoiced that indeed, God had worked it out so that Robin could be a part.  Not only was it night, it was also a weekend; and Robin's job wouldn't get in the way.  Of course, she did have to get out of bed in the wee hours of a Sunday morning though...  :)

I've already written about Robin's arrival at the hospital.  We sure didn't give her much time to spare!  :)  She told us later that she parked in the regular lot, then realized that the normal entrance was locked, so she had to go back and go around to the emergency entrance.  Then she had to sign in with security which was taking her a while, and she was anxious to hurry upstairs and find us.  It all turned out just fine, but she didn't have much time to twiddle her thumbs before Benjamin was born.  :)

In the third part of Benjamin's birth story, I went back and included some additions and corrections at the bottom of that post; and some of those came from these pictures Robin took.  You can't argue with a photograph!  :)  One of the chief reasons I was so eager to have birth photographs is because when I'm giving birth, I'm in such a tunnel of focus that I am largely unaware of what is going on around me.  I so much wanted to be more aware of how things had really gone, not just for me, but for those with me; and these photographs are the only way I could do that.  :)

And now, without further ado, let me present to you another view of Benjamin's birth, this one through the lens of Robin's camera!!!  :)  I've included many, many pictures because I couldn't bear to leave any of them out.  Enjoy!  :)

I later asked Jeff if he was uncomfortable, half-standing, half-kneeling by the tub (his right knee is on the edge of the tub).  He said it wasn't bad; and as it turned out, he didn't have to do it too long.  :)

To me, these images show STRENGTH pouring out of Jeff and into me.  I love how our rings are visible--the symbols of our commitment to each other being displayed at such an intense, bonding time.

I was so glad Robin went out and got a picture of the room number because otherwise, I would have had no idea what room I had been in!

About 30 seconds later, the action began!  Jeff saw that Benjamin's head was out and put his hand in the water to catch him if necessary, the nurse realized what was happening...

...and then AlexAnn, the midwife, was there...

...to hold his head and tell me to give one more push for the shoulders...

...and then HE WAS BORN!!!

And then I went into shock.  ;-)

I'm still in it, when I remember the events of those 23 seconds!  ;-)

There is Jeff's wet hand.  :)

At least the midwife is smiling.  :)

I didn't remember that Jeff kept stroking my head, but I love seeing his tenderness in these pictures.  :)

Being helped back to bed...

...and dealing with a major case of the shakes.

Those warm blankets felt so good.  :)

Our beloved Benjamin!

My beloved Jeff!

For some of these, I couldn't decide whether I liked them in color or black & white best...so I included both.  :)

Jeff got to eventually cut the cord.  He spends a lot of time with scissors in his hands so this wasn't a hard job for him.  ;-)

After the placenta came out, AlexAnn held it up for me to see.  One glance was enough since I don't find placentas particularly attractive.  ;-)  Robin asked if I wanted a picture of it, but I declined.  ;-)  As a matter of fact, not long ago I was looking in a picture file on the computer and stumbled across a picture of my placenta from when Moriah was born, I think.  It startled me so much I didn't want another one of those pictures floating around!  ;-)

Enjoying the getting-to-know-you process...  :)

When the nurse got Benjamin's feet inked and ready to do his footprints, she held up the paper to press his feet on; but in the process, he suddenly kicked and actually managed to put one of his feet twice on the paper.  It looks, on the official paper, like he has three feet.  ;-)

8 pounds, 9 ounces means he's my third heaviest baby (Tobin was 8 lbs, 14 oz; and Shav was 8 lbs, 15 oz).

This was Becky, my main nurse.

The black & white photo below is one of my favorites.  I just love it.  :)

Such a sweet time of companionship for a husband and wife!  :)

Jeff announced the news to family and friends.  He made a few phone calls; but since it was the middle of the night, he mostly relied on social media.  We laughed as friends on Facebook started "liking" and commenting on his posts, because the early responders all seemed to live in other time zones...South Africa, Hawaii, Israel, Scotland, etc.  Nobody in Virginia was awake!  :)

AlexAnn checked on me one last time and then left to get some sleep.

I was glad this labor hadn't taken up her whole night!  :)

Jeff got his turn to hold Benjamin.  :)

Time for Benjamin's first bath.

This nurse, by the way, whose name I don't remember, had been one of the nurses when Moriah was born, too; and she said she remembered me.  :)

I was enjoying the show apparently.  :)

After that, Robin asked if there was anything else we wanted her to photograph; but we, with hearts full of gratitude, said no and said goodbye so she could go home and get some sleep in the remaining hours of the night.  :)  I'm not sure if she knew, as she carried her camera bag out the door, how great the treasure was that she was holding.  I'm not sure if she knows, even now, how extremely meaningful these photos are to me.

To have one of the greatest moments of my life captured in such a beautiful way...I hardly have words to say how grateful I am.

Thank you, Jeff, for letting someone come and take pictures during such an intimate time.

Thank you, Robin, for being that someone who gave up sleep and responded with such excitement--not to mention, skill.

And thank You, God, for orchestrating all the details so that it all worked out!!!  :)