A Pregnancy Update of Sorts

If you've known me for a while and/or have been reading my blog during my last three pregnancies (pregnancies #1 and #2 happened before I knew about blogging!) ;-), you might have noticed that I've been uncharacteristically quiet about this most recent pregnancy.  Usually, I'm shouting the news from the rooftops as soon as the pregnancy test shows a positive indicator, and then I'm following that up with weekly--or nearly weekly--pregnancy photos and blog posts that detail just about everything I can think of about the pregnancy!

But not this time.

It's NOT that I'm not happy about being pregnant.  As a matter of fact, I'm THRILLED to be honored once again with the privilege of carrying a tiny one within me; and I long for the day when I can hold him (or possibly her, but around here, a baby is male until proven female!)  ;-) in my arms, like the beautiful figurine below.

So why am I so silent?

Part of it is because life is busy and full, and so many other things demand my attention that, by the time night comes when I have time to write, I am often drained of the mental and emotional energy necessary to even scribble out a blog post about anything--much less, about something so meaningful and precious as a new baby.

Part of it is because the past few weeks have seemed to be a nearly-unending round of sickness, with someone or other in the family constantly needing an extra dose of TLC from me, again resulting in more fatigue and less time to write, not to mention the pile-up of household tasks that results from the interruption in our daily routines that illness brings.

But even more than those reasons, I have been hesitant to write too much about this because I feel so cautious about this pregnancy.  So very, very, unlike-my-optimistic-self cautious.

The first adjective I ever used to describe this pregnancy is "unreal," and a day shy of 12 weeks in, it still feels that way.  Maybe that's because of the full year of expectantly waiting for a positive pregnancy test before God opened my womb again?  Maybe also because of the early miscarriage in August?  Maybe because I'm older...and there are more risks...and I've had three miscarriages, after all, so I know very well that the possibility of loss exists.

But I don't want to be this way!  I want to throw caution to the wind and fearlessly embrace each day, celebrating with abandon the new little life inside me, no matter what the future holds.

It's not that I'm anxious and fearful in a trembling-knee kind of way.  My faith in God's plan runs deep and strong; and I have no knee-knocking, heart-rate-elevating fear.  But there is a dullness inside me that keeps the ecstasy of new life locked away.  I pretty much hate that.

The key that will unlock the bubbly, sunshiny joy, I keep telling myself, is the moment in time when I first hear the heartbeat of my baby and know for certain that, at least at that particular moment in time, all is well, and the new life is strong and healthy.  That's what I'm waiting for, so that then--finally--I'll be able to break through this odd detachment and fully engage with the wonder of a baby.  My baby.

I waited longer than I normally do to have my first prenatal appointment.  Part of that was because of my trip to Canada--I waited until I returned to call and set up that appointment.  By that time, the earliest they could get me in was February 18; and by then, I was already 10 and a half weeks along...which wasn't a big deal, really, because I knew from experience all the things I should be doing in the first weeks of pregnancy to give the baby a good start.  I also knew, from experience, that if things are going to go wrong, they go wrong.  Having an early appointment with the midwife doesn't guarantee a successful pregnancy--not by a long shot!

I was a little disappointed, however, when I realized the first appointment was not with one of the midwives, but with a nurse educator.  In fact, I complained to Jeff one evening (shame on me! seriously, I should NOT have done it) that it was just going to be a waste of time to go in town for that.  I knew already what they were going to say, and the appointment wouldn't do me a bit of good because I wouldn't see a midwife and wouldn't be able to hear the heartbeat or have an ultrasound to check on the health of the baby or anything productive!  "The most I can hope for," I told Jeff, "is that it will be with a nurse educator that I know so that I can have a nice social visit!"  I knew good and well that the medical practice there has to abide by certain standards and procedures, no matter if it IS a sixth baby and the mother (thinks she) knows it all; but it brought back to my mind all the frustrations I've ever had with standard medical practices and their (sometimes) useless procedures, and I even told Jeff maybe I should just have a home birth!  I was not in a very good frame of mind that evening - ha!  ;-)

As it turned out, the appointment on the 18th turned out to be a lot of fun--not because I learned a whole lot of revolutionary new info about the early weeks of pregnancy, but because it was, as I had foretold to Jeff, "a nice social visit!"  Faythe, the nurse educator, turned out to be someone that I knew from years ago but would not have recognized without her prompting.  "Do you remember me?" she said; and I fumbled for words because I did not.  But when she told me her maiden name, I certainly did recall who she is.  :)  We chatted about her family and mine and some of the things that have happened to us in the intervening years since we had seen each other; and in the middle of all of that, she checked my blood pressure (142 over 78, a little high for me), asked some questions to fill in the blanks of my medical record, weighed me (168 pounds, which is 20 pounds lighter than the last time I was there--April 2012! ;-)  but which is higher than I would like it to be, prompting me to determine that after this baby is born, I WILL be more consistent with eating well and exercising more!), and got me going with the blood/lab tests that are so prevalent during pregnancy.  It actually turned out to be a really fun appointment.  ;-)

However, it didn't answer my question of, "Is there a living baby within me?"  Faythe essentially told me that, because of my history of miscarriages, I could push for a viability ultrasound; but when I scheduled my next appointment--the first one with a midwife--and realized that I would be 12 and a half weeks--far enough along to hear the baby's heartbeat--I decided that I would continue to walk the path of trust for the two weeks between appointments and not have an ultrasound.  After all, if I were having a homebirth, I wouldn't exactly get to have an ultrasound, just to put my troubled mind at ease!  ;-)

So that's where I'm at: eagerly awaiting March 4, the date of my next appointment, and longing for the reassurance that the sound of a galloping heartbeat will provide.  In the meantime, I'm assuming that all is well.  September 13, my due date, stands out in the back of my head as I go about life's activities, reminding me that, come fall, life in the Fisher household will be different, and my thoughts and plans for the future need to reflect that new reality.  The kids bring up the new baby, sometimes remembering it when we pray prayers of gratitude.  The boys notice--and comment on--my changing shape as my belly rounds and swells.  I've pulled a couple boxes of maternity clothes out, but haven't unpacked them.  Jeff and I occasionally talk about the baby...but not much.  We haven't really discussed baby names, or whether we'll find out the sex when we do have an ultrasound, or how we'll rearrange bedrooms and sleeping arrangements for all the kids.  Oh, we touch on those topics, but not with the customary enthusiasm and thoroughness that I usually bring to preparing-for-baby conversations.  ;-)  Whenever any of this comes up, my heart urges, "Wait."

I'm waiting.

But oh, what an explosion of jubilation I expect there will be when I finally get confirmation that this isn't a dream, that the baby inside me really is alive and kicking, and that, Lord willing, the Fisher clan will indeed have increased by one when autumn arrives this year!!!

Wordless Wednesday {This Is Why We Have a Dog}

Bright Spots in a Barely-Limping-Along Day

I wake up, cold, on the couch, the one heavy blanket I have insufficient to keep me warm on this chilly, chilly night.  3 degrees, our thermometer says.

I wonder what time it is.  4:00 a.m., I discover when I convince my body to rise and carry me into the kitchen.

I don't have to wonder what I'm doing on the couch.  I remember all too well the sickness that plagued me yesterday and left me, by evening, unable to do much of anything but collapse on the couch.  On top of the symptoms I was having Sunday evening when I wrote this post, my body added some sort of intestinal virus to the mix--at least, I guess that's what was causing it.

In one of the more difficult parts of the day, I was slammed with intense nausea, JUST when I should have been walking out the door to take the boys to choir rehearsal.  The kids, in fact, were literally out the door and climbing into the van, and all I had time to do was holler to Josiah to watch out for Moriah and help her get into the van, and then I rushed to the bathroom to lose my lunch.  The boys were understandably concerned--not only about getting to choir practice on time, but also about what the cause of my sickness was and whether it might affect them.

"Is it pregnancy related?" one of them asked.

"Maybe so," I said, "I'm sure that's probably a factor."  In fact, I wasn't sure of that, but better to blame the pregnancy than plant the suggestion in any of my kids' minds that they, too, might end up like I was!  ;-)

Well, enough about that.  Let me do what I said I would do in my last post and "keep looking on the bright side, no matter what comes my way."

So, bright spots...

~ In the morning, Moriah was so droopy that just about the only thing she wanted to do was snuggle with me.  I didn't mind too much ;-) when I heard her say, "Snuggle, Mommy!"  Well, of course, dear girl of mine, I would LOVE to snuggle with you!  :)

~ We still managed to get some of our group homeschool stuff done before lunch--not all, but some.

~ For lunch, I didn't have to think too much about what to make because we had some leftover chicken casserole from our neighbors.  On Saturday, I heard from Dad that there was sickness at the Shanks' house, so I called Wilma and said, "I have an extra pan of lasagna that I made this week and stuck in the freezer.  Could I send that over for you all?"  She laughed and said she was making a chicken casserole and was thinking that maybe I needed some of that!  When Jeff tromped through the snow to carry over the lasagna to them, he returned with an even bigger dish of delicious casserole.  It's hard to outgive some people!  :)

~ After I put Moriah in bed for a nap in the afternoon, I laid down on the couch to take one myself, and it did my soul good to hear Josiah tell his brothers, "Ssshhh!  You need to be more quiet.  Mom's sleeping!"  It also warmed my heart to hear how Shav and Tobin quickly resolved a minor dispute they were having, and then played happily together for the next few hours.

~ Before I fell asleep, I gave Josiah and David some assignments that they should do during my nap; and it encouraged me to wake up and find a piece of paper on which they had written what spelling lessons they did and what math lessons, including their scores.  Plus, they had done choir practice, David had done Bible and literature, Josiah had done history, and I'm not sure what else.  What a blessing for them to be old enough and mature enough to carry on with their schoolwork, even with a sick mom!

~ In addition, there were a number of times today when I needed the boys to help me, and each time they willingly did so when I said things like, "Tobin, will you please go upstairs and bring down the trashcan in Josiah and David's room?" and "David, could you get me some Sprite from the cellar please?"

~ Moriah couldn't do much of that, but she was the sweetest little nurse by coming over to me numerous times during the evening and either cuddling with me or pulling the blanket further up under my chin.  :)

~ Jeff was a rockstar today, lending his support and love and prayers, even while he was at work, and then taking over with practically everything when he got home.  He picked up kids from choir, finished fixing supper, cleared off the table, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, got Moriah ready for bed, and everything else that needs doing in the evening in a family like ours.  I don't know what I would have done without him!

~ David was thrilled to be asked to sleep downstairs on the little couch, so that he could take the dog out when necessary so I wouldn't have to do it.  One of his trips out with the dog was quite dramatic: Willow got away from him, and he was so intent on quickly pursuing her that he literally ran out of his boots that he had slipped his feet into before taking her out.  That left him running barefoot over the deep, icy snow (it has thawed somewhat and then refrozen since it fell, so the snow has become hard and sharp on top) to try to catch up with Willow...which he did...and brought her safely inside...so all's well that ends well.  But oh my, his poor feet!

~ Writing about David reminds me of another bright spot today.  When we dropped him off at choir, he got out of the van; but before he shut the door, he went through a long list of "I love you's".  "I love you, Moriah!" he called, then, "I love you, Shav!" and on through all of our names, but when he got to the end, he started over and told us all again that he loves us.  What a sweetheart!  :)

~ Later, when I dropped Josiah off, he said goodbye, got out of the van, then shut the door.  But then he quickly opened it again and said, "I hope you feel better, Mom!"  He hurried up the steps of the building where they practice, but paused at the top before going in the door to turn and wave at us in the van before he went inside.

So many of these things today reminded me of the high value of kindness.  Pure, simple, generously-given kindness is a treasure.  On this sick day, it's been beautiful to be reminded of how precious it is just to be kind to those around us.

Look on the Bright Side

A little over a week ago, I was feeling pretty challenged by life.  I felt so tired, so overwhelmed, so behind, so busy; and I didn't feel like any of that was liable to change anytime soon.  I wished I could be a bear and go off to hibernate until spring came!

And then God intervened and gave me the break I desired.

I'm not going to say that my need for rest was entirely responsible for the bad weather that got dumped on the Valley this past week.  ;-)  But I couldn't help but notice that while some were lamenting the very frigid temperatures and the snow and ice that fell, I was rejoicing at the semi-hibernation I was able to enjoy.  In the past eight days, I didn't have only one day in which I didn't have to go anywhere (like I would have if the weather had been normal); I had six.  For an introvert like me, that fact alone is huge.

Sure, the weather made some things more uncomfortable.  Yes, it was hard to keep the house warm, despite the continual filling of the woodstove that we did.  Of course, single digit temperatures chilled me instantly when I had to leave the shelter of our home to take Willow out or do other outdoor errands.  But looking on the bright side, here are some of the advantages I enjoyed this past week of extreme weather.

~ Staying home more meant I got to clean and thoroughly organize three rooms of the house.  It may not sound like much to you, but it was refreshing for me.  Organization energizes me!

~ I have a sweater that is so warm that I rarely get to wear it.  On a normal winter day, I overheat in it; but this week was a perfect opportunity to pull it out and wear it.  And as a bonus, it's long enough to fit over my expanding baby belly!  ;-)

~ Cold weather means that we haven't seen ants in the kitchen in months, nor do we need to swat flies or shoo mosquitoes away.

~ Having extra time inside at home gives us a chance to play games; and boy, have we ever had a game-filled week!  Josiah, David, Tobin, and I stayed up fairly late several nights playing Dutch Blitz--and laughing our heads off.  And the boys got Jeff hooked on Settlers of Catan, one of the gifts we gave Josiah for Christmas.  The sweet memories of these fun times of playing games together will linger long after the weather warms.

~ With our woodstove, we didn't have to worry too much about the electricity going out.  Not that it did go out in our area, but with this much bad weather, it certainly could have.  Having a non-electric source of heat is a very comforting thing in single-digit temps.

~ We had a great school week and got more accomplished in it than we do in a normal week.  My homeschool planner pages for this week are filled in more than usual, and that's a good feeling.

~ Jeff, having grown up in the snowy mountains of California, knows how to drive in snow, so he went to work every day he normally does.  But sometimes, he got to come home a little early; and we LOVED having him around more.  :)  He made chocolate chip cookies one day, and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, and shoveled snow, and built a snowman, and had a snow fight with the boys, and generally brightened our days.  :)

~ One of the very most wonderful things about this week has been the beauty!  Cold temperatures with bare, brown landscapes are hard to deal with.  Cold temperatures with gorgeous, white landscapes are different thing entirely!  ;-)  I have loved watching the snow falling, sometimes with big flakes and sometimes with small.  I have loved the blue light outdoors in the evenings, as the fading light reflects on the whiteness.  I have especially loved having a pretty view, no matter which window I look out.  I haven't spent much time out in the snow, but I have soaked in the loveliness of it as I've gazed outside.

~ The kids have been sick this week with some kind of bug that has seemed more like a cold for Josiah and David but has given Tobin and Moriah fairly high fevers.  It has been a perfect week for them to rest and recover.  If we had to pick any week of 2015 so far for them to endure sickness, this past week was certainly the best one we could have chosen.

I'm hopeful that all the kids are on the upward way with their health, but I'm sad to say that I've caught their germs.  I was trying to deny how I was feeling, but by late this afternoon, I couldn't even convince myself--much less anyone else--that I was still healthy.  Now that a new week is beginning, I'm trying to bring the extra measure of peace granted me this past week into the next seven days--whether or not I'm knocked low for a few of them by this illness.  This new week may not end up being as productive as I would like it to be, but I'm determined to keep looking on the bright side, no matter what comes my way.

Before I say goodbye to this past week, however, here are some scenes from our days at home...

Moriah got interested in stickers and was coordinated enough to peel these stickers off their backing and put them on a piece of notebook paper.  She did this quite often, and it came in especially handy when I was doing other schoolwork with the boys.

She decided to bring Baby over...

...to watch her. Ah, much better!  :)

Last night, while it was still snowing, I snapped a few pictures from inside the house.  Today I snapped more; and of course, they're better because they're in the daylight.  But I'll post them some other time.  For now, here was the view out our front window last night...

...and the view out the west side.  The depth of the snow made our swimming pool look like a little wading pool!  ;-)

Our neighbors kept plowing their lane with a tractor to keep the snow from building up, and I admired the purity of the snow--and the set of footprints across our lawn--as seen in the bright lights of the tractor.

Early yesterday morning, I set a big bowl out on this picnic table to collect enough snow to make snow cream.  I wasn't sure how long the snow would last and wanted to make sure I had enough fresh snow for it.  Not to worry.  It snowed so much that I lost the bowl and had to dig for it!  ;-)

No surprise here, but my favorite pictures I took last night were of Moriah, right before I tucked her in bed.

Peace...wonder...joy...beauty...delight...love.

Such sweet gifts in a week of rest that was itself a gift from my Heavenly Father!

Wordless Wednesday {Good Ol' Jed}

Recipe Box - Fresh Veggie "Pizza"

I think it was sometime after Moriah was born that my next-door neighbor showed up on my doorstep, carrying this "pizza" for us and introducing me to an entirely new dish that I immediately loved.  But to tell you the truth, I don't love the name of it.  It's not pizza, you see!  But what should it be called?

Maybe it's more like a flatbread.  Maybe it's a combination of pizza and flatbread.  Maybe we should call it flizza.  Or maybe patbread.  I'm really not at all sure.  ;-)

Regardless, it is delicious; and I guess, in the end, that's all that matters.  :)

The recipe appears in the cookbook Country Home Cooking by Marjorie Rohrer (who happens to be related to my neighbors--she even came over with them to sit on our lawn one 4th of July and watch Jeff set off some fireworks).  :)  In her cookbook, she calls it "Vegetable Pizza," but I added the "Fresh" when I describe it because I think that differentiates it a little bit at least from what most people think of when they hear about a veggie pizza.

Anyway, enough about the name!  ;-)

Marjorie gives detailed instructions for how to make the crust, and the first ingredient is "scalded milk"; but fortunately for people like me, she also includes a footnote that says, "If you'd like, substitute 2 cans of refrigerated crescent roll dough for the crust, and save 1½ hours of time!"  Yes!  That's my kind of directions!!  :)

If any of you reading this are purists and want to know the exact directions Marjorie gives, email me or send a carrier pigeon, and I'll fill you in.  But for now, I'm just going to tell you how I make this yummy food.  :)

Take your crescent roll dough (I use the jumbo size, but that's not necessary) and unroll it, leaving each piece flat, before baking it at 350 degrees for approximately 8 minutes (but watch it closely because a lot depends on the size of each piece of dough and the way your oven cooks, etc.).  When it looks done, take it out and let the bread cool.

Meanwhile, mix together 16 ounces of cream cheese (of course, this is easier if you've set your cream cheese out to soften ahead of time), ⅔ cup of mayonnaise, and ½ teaspoon of salt until smooth.  If desired, add some Italian or Ranch seasoning, or you can leave it plain.  The last time I made this, I added a packet of dry Ranch dressing mix, and it was quite tasty.

When the bread is cool, spread this mixture over the bread; and then top with chopped, fresh, raw veggies of your choice.  Marjorie suggests you'll need 6 cups, but I just add veggies until all the pieces are covered.  I used carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, bell peppers, tomatoes, and green onions this time; but other options are mushrooms, cauliflower, regular onions, zucchini, celery, or just about any veggie you can think of.  Marjorie suggests sprinkling black pepper on top of the veggies, but I forgot to do that.

She also says, "The addition of grated cheddar and crumbled bacon will turn a vegetable pizza into a main dish."  As you can see, I added cheese, but not bacon this time.

As you can also see, this is a pretty flexible recipe.  ;-)

It just so happened that the night I made this last week for our supper, I paired it with a fruit pizza; and my family made me laugh when they urged me to take a picture of it.  I really wasn't planning to...

...but then Tobin hopped up, got his cell phone (an OLD phone of Jeff's, which doesn't have cell service anymore but which can be used as a camera), and started taking pictures.  He was so cute, I had to take a picture of HIM!  ;-)

These two pizzas-that-aren't-really-pizzas went together beautifully to turn an ordinary Thursday evening supper into something a little more special.  I need to remember to make these again before long!  :)

My Not-So-Secret Admirer

Once upon a time, back when I was a student in high school, a secret admirer left a flower and note for me at my locker on Valentine's Day.  I was shocked...and puzzled (who was he?)...and elated.  In the angsty world of high school "romances" and other relationships, this was A Big Deal.

In the years since then, I have grown more gray and (hopefully) more wise; and one of the lessons I have learned along the way is that the thrill of a young, secret admirer cannot hold a candle to the joy of a not-so-young, not-so-secret one!!  ;-)  There is so much depth and comfort and richness and security and, yes, passion that can be found in a long-lasting marriage...if 17 years (only 17 years!) of marriage can be considered long-lasting!  ;-)

So, what is Valentine's Day like after so many years together?  Well, this year it looked like this for us...

~ I had told Jeff he did not need to get me flowers, or a fancy card, or anything store-bought for Valentine's Day.  I feel so loved by him on all the other days of the year that he didn't need to try to convince me, on that one day, that he really cherishes me!  ;-)

~ Likewise, I never really like going out for a date on Valentine's Day.  Why fight the crowds on that particular day when we regularly enjoy dates throughout the year?  :)

~ A few days before Valentine's Day, I happened to be doing some shopping and ended up looking at the Valentine's cards; and although they were lovely, I just could not justify spending $5 or more on a piece of paper to tell Jeff I love him, when for free, I can--and do--tell him that every day!  ;-)  On a related note, I noticed that card makers are now producing Valentine's cards that you can give to everyone and their brother (incorrect grammar, I know, but oh well).  So much for being a holiday for sweethearts.  Now you can wish your parents, your children, your neighbors, your aunts and uncles, your second-cousin-once-removed, your mail carrier, and probably even your dentist, a very happy Valentine's Day.  When I was a newlywed, my very first job was working in a cute little Hallmark shop in beautiful Coronado, California; and although I had some happy times there and enjoyed seeing all the pretty cards and other items, I think I was forever scarred by that because I've become very skeptical about how the greeting card industry has affected our supposed need to send various (expensive) greetings to so many people throughout the year.  It's ridiculous!!  (Stepping off my soapbox now...)  ;-)  [Edited later to add this:  I didn't express this well at all, but I am NOT opposed to the idea of Valentine's Day being a great opportunity to show love to family and friends outside of romantic relationships.  Even in its origin, Valentine's Day was for love outside of romance!  What DOES bother me, however, is the overdone commercialization of this holiday...and many other holidays, too, but that's another story.  I apologize for not communicating that well!]

~ We did continue the tradition of giving each of our boys a huge Hershey kiss--something they look forward to every year.  :)  I also got a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Moriah with a picture of a kitty cat on the front (Moriah loves cats; and sadly, we can't have one because of my allergies) because I figured that small chocolates would be easier for her to eat than a gigantic Hershey kiss.  :)

~ This particular Valentine's Day, there happened to be a dinner at our church--not just for couples, but for whole families.  The boys were involved in setting up and serving for that, and it turned into quite a fun, relaxing evening for all of us, including some games of Uno (and Jeff kind of helped me win two of them, so that was sweet).  ;-)

~ After we got home, Jeff gave me a handwritten love letter with part of it from him and part from the kids.  That definitely meant more than an overpriced card from the store would have.  ;-)

These are just simple things, part of the daily flow of love that I am so incredibly blessed to have pouring through my home and my family (OF COURSE, we have tough moments--don't be tempted to think otherwise!--but time after time, I am blown away by the love that surrounds me, and I give thanks to God because it is all a gift from Him!).

But there was one unexpected special part of this Valentine's Day that I want to remember.  :)

The night before Valentine's, I stayed up late (nothing new about that!), but I was almost ready to go to bed and was just waiting for a load of clothes in the dryer to finish before I could fall asleep.  But then Jeff, who had gone to sleep earlier, woke up and came downstairs and started talking to me.  It must have been around 1:30 or so when we started talking, and I don't think we finished until sometime around 4:00 in the morning!  ;-)  The preceding days had been ones in which we had not seemed to find much time to really connect, so I was thrilled to have that time with him to hear what's on his mind and in his heart and to share my own thoughts and feelings with him.  I felt a little crazy, staying up *that* late; and of course, I could have told Jeff I was tired and gone to bed earlier than that, but I was enjoying the time so much that I really didn't mind.  Plus, I was pretty sure I could arrange things to have a nap later in the day, after we got home from swimming lessons and gymnastics, so I figured I could catch up a little on my sleep then.  :)  Talking for a few hours in the middle of the night was an unexpected, unusual way to start Valentine's Day, for sure; but feeling so emotionally connected to Jeff was a true gift!  ;-)

When I look at this picture of Jeff and I, taken the day after we got engaged in October 1996, I am reminded of the excitement and elation of those early days of our relationship.  What sweet, sweet memories!

But then I think about where we are now in our relationship; and I know for certain that, even if I could, I would not turn back the hands of time to relive those heady days.

Because the delight I've found in my not-so-secret admirer is more complete and more precious to me than it ever has been before!!

February Funk

If I were asked to choose my favorite month of the year, I would find that a nearly impossible task.  There are so many wonderful ones from which to choose!

Selecting my least-favorite month, on the other hand, would be quite simple:

February.

Except for the brief splash of excitement caused by Valentine's Day, there's just not much about February that compels me to truly delight in it, if I'm being honest; and this particular February has felt a little extra challenging for me.  I'm not sure if it's the added fatigue that being pregnant brings to my body, or the mild but recurrent nausea I often feel at night, or the discouragement that has been dogging my steps from the ever-increasing list of unfinished projects, or whether it's just February itself; but for whatever reason, I have been in somewhat of a funk recently.  My normal second wind that hits me at night after all the children are in bed has been MIA the past few weeks; and most evenings, I don't feel inspired to do much of anything after goodnights have been said...and even if I do briefly feel a surge of inspiration, my exhaustion usually deflates the inspiration pretty quickly.

I'm just so tired, and then I start to think that maybe it's more than being tired.  Maybe I'm just lazy.  Maybe at heart, I'm really a bear that would like to crawl into a cave and hibernate until spring comes to warm the air and awake some strength within me!  ;-)  

It wouldn't be so bad if snow covered the ground outside; at least then, there would be beauty to uplift my soul.  But we've had barely any snow, and the landscape outside is at its ugliest of the whole year.  (That may change later today, however, since the forecast is actually calling for an accumulation of snow; some of us hope we get all they're calling for--and more!)  ;-)

As always, I have piles of ideas about the blog posts I want to write; but more often than not, my mental energy is so far gone by the end of the day that I don't even manage to squeak out anything on the blog.  Additionally, the hard drive that holds my photos is in our library--the coldest, least-appealing room of our house right now--so when faced with the choice to stay in the warm living room and read a book on the couch by the woodstove or go downstairs to exert my brain while freezing my fingers, the choice becomes clear. Obviously flopping down on the couch with a book and reading a few pages before falling asleep in the delicious warmth has been my preferred option most evenings of late!  ;-)

Well, enough explanation--and more than enough complaining!  Despite my less-than-sparkling mood at times, I am still overwhelmingly blessed in so many, many ways; and even when my soul is weary, my heart is filled with gratitude!

This past week, we had a day that could not possibly have been any more gray and brown and plain and dismal outside.  From the sky to the ground, everything was bleak--and not the kind of gray that precedes the excitement of a snowstorm!  Just the kind of bleak that makes February feel twice as long as it really is.

On this particular day, however, God gave me a sweet gift.  He gave me laughter.  :)

We had finished up the schoolwork that we were able to get done that morning; and before we had our lunch, the kids decided to have some "horse" races.  I'm not sure who started it, and I'm not even sure why it tickled my funny bone so much, but I found it hilarious.  It was just the medicine I needed on such a gray day.  :)

Oh, those boys!  And that girl!  They demonstrate the truth of Proverbs 17:22--surely, "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine!"  :)

Well, now that I've confessed the funk I've been in, maybe I'll be able to step out of it more easily!  I sure hope so, because there are some really important (to me) blog posts that I'm eager to get posted.  Let's see...there's Valentine's Day I want to write about...and my big Canada post I need to finish...and a long-overdue pregnancy update...and so much more.

Always, there is so much more.

Just another evidence of how full and rich and blessed my life is.

Even in February.  ;-)

The Good and the Bad about Mother's Living Situation

We're coming up on the six-month anniversary of Mother's move into the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home; and although there is much I could say about that, for tonight I'll only mention two things: one negative and one positive.

The hardest thing during this winter has been the fact that when my children and/or I have been sick, we have been unable to visit her or have her out here for meals.  The nursing home has a fairly strict policy of protecting their residents from germs--and rightly so!--consequently, we have tried to be conscientious about not exposing her to the various little illnesses we have had.  Thankfully, we have only had two rounds of sickness--one back in November, and one during the past couple weeks--but both of those times have seemed to draaaaagggggg on as my heart has longed to be with my mother more often, but my head has told me to stay away.

That difficulty, however, actually contributes to one of the best parts about my mother living in the nursing home; and that is this: when she is here with us in our own home, it isn't ordinary anymore.  It's a celebration!!  I find myself anticipating her arrival more and wanting to do more extra things to make it especially meaningful for her--and for us, since she almost certainly doesn't remember any of it--when she comes these days than I did when she just lived down the hill and was here every evening for supper.

Last evening, for example, the germs that had struck our home while I was away in Canada seemed to have abated, and our evening schedule was wide open, so I asked Dad if he could bring Mom out here so she could be here for supper with us, and he kindly went along with my request.  When she got here in the afternoon, I greeted her with a big smile and said, "You're just the person I was looking for!" as I handed her the dishtowel to dry some dishes I was washing.  She did that a while, then admitted that her back was hurting, so I took her into the living room and got her settled in our best rocking chair with my wedding album on her lap for her to leaf through.

All the other kids were otherwise occupied at that point, but David did a terrific job of relating to her (he always does)...

...and impressing her with his handstands.  :)

I was so happy to be working in the kitchen, preparing a special meal, while my mother was here under my roof again!

Jeff grilled steaks for us (the beef came from a friend of ours who lives a few miles away; we drive past his farm quite often on our way to choir, violin, and church, etc., and we like to look out the windows of our car at the cows in his pasture and say, "There are our steaks!" and "Hi, Dinner!" and so forth), and we also had creamed corn (grown by our neighbor and frozen by us), homemade applesauce (from apples grown at our nearby orchard), and grape pie (made from home-grown grapes).  It just so happened that we used the very last of our wedding napkins during this meal (unless another stack is lurking in some box somewhere), and it seemed appropriate to me that the end of those would come during a significant, celebratory meal with my mother.

I still miss having my mother close by and having her more involved with our day-to-day lives, but I'm immensely grateful that she is doing so well in the Alzheimer's unit...and very thankful that when she comes to visit now, it is An Occasion!!  :)  Each time we have dinner together here, I treasure it up in my heart--just like I'm treasuring the memory of last night's steak-and-grape-pie supper.  :)

Wordless Wednesday {The Moments that Make It All Worthwhile}

Brother/Sister Love

When people find out I'm expecting, one of the questions I'm commonly asked is, "Are you hoping for a girl so Moriah will have a sister?"

 It's a perfectly natural question to ask, of course; and I don't mind answering it.  If I only have a few seconds, I simply smile and say, "Either would be just fine."  But if I have a minute or two, this is, in essence, what I say...

 "Sure, it would be fun for Moriah to have a little sister, but a little brother would be great, too!  My brother David and I are only two years apart, and we were extremely close as we grew up, so I know firsthand that a brother and sister can be great friends.  Many times I watch Moriah and the fun she has with her next-oldest brother Shav, and it brings joy to my heart; I can just imagine that a younger brother would be really special for Moriah to have, too.  Plus, she is so maternal that I think she'll be thrilled no matter what the baby is!!"  :)

Despite the entrance of one girl into our family, my default mindset is still soundly in the "we're having a boy" camp, so it's very natural for me to think of this baby as a he, despite my lack of a strong sense that that is what it is!

But whether a boy or a girl, I am confident this child will be loved and adored by all of us--and maybe especially by the new big sister.  :)

The Bulletin Board Project

Remember the bulletin board I mentioned in this post?  Well, OK, you probably don't.  That's to be expected.  :)

But I remember it, and the reason is simple: I get to see it every day!  :)

After being hidden away in a closet for years, I finally pulled out the bulletin board and got it ready to hang on the wall--to not only add a little color to a blank space, but also to help in our homeschool.

Here's the blank wall, see?

Pretty empty, right?  ;-)

And the bulletin board, also blank.

I went to the fabric store to get a piece of cloth to cover it.  I had figured out that I would buy one yard of cloth, and I sternly instructed myself beforehand not to get anything with "straight" lines that would be glaringly obvious if I didn't get it lined up perfectly.  But wouldn't you know, as soon as I saw this fabric--which reminds me of a combination of Pennsylvania Dutch designs and Middle Eastern motifs--I lost my head and decided to get it--straight lines and all.  It was a moment of wildness, I tell you!  ;-)

Then, when I went to the counter to buy it, I asked the lady for one yard.  "We don't sell this fabric by the yard," she explained. "We sell it by the panel because of the design."

Well, that makes sense.  And speaking of sense, I should have had the good sense to take the tape measure out of my purse and measure the cloth exactly to see if I needed one panel or two; but with keeping an eye on Tobin, Shav, and Moriah who were "helping" me shop, and feeling pressure from the growing line of customers behind me, I instead quickly blurted out, "I'll take two panels then."

I came home and discovered that was twice as much as I needed.

At least my mistake wasn't too costly.  All in all, I only paid $12.59 for the fabric; and now I have some extra to do something else with, right?  Someday?  Years from now, when I am once again inspired to do more than just the tasks that provide for our basic needs?  ;-)

One night when Jeff was away on police duty, I got to work on this board...and finished it that same night, which gave me a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.  :)

This brown wall hanging was given me by my sister-in-law Lori, probably when we first moved back from Israel and into this home; and I do hope that whatever else my home may be (busy, noisy, energetic, dirty--you know, the normal stuff) ;-), it will, most importantly, be a place of deep, overflowing love.

I scrounged around in the closet downstairs and found some music-note stationary--perfect for printing out the memory verses that we learn as we sing them.  :)

One of the most helpful things on this board is the list below.  So many times, I have felt like the tasks of homeschooling are OVERWHELMING, and I can never get them all done.  Seeing it written out like this made me realize the subjects we're committed to studying this year are NOT limitless; and even if we don't get to every subject every day (we don't), at least I know that I'm not being as neglectful of my children's education as I once feared!  ;)

I also included the Pledge of Allegiance...

...for the simple reason that it came to my attention recently that my children have never memorized the Pledge.  Clearly that needed to change!  ;-)

The finished project!

No more blank wall.

Much more inspiration!!  :)

The Entertainment of the Evening

For Christmas, we gave Tobin and Shav each a remote-controlled car; and yesterday, David suddenly decided that he needed to have one, too--so they could have races, of course.  :)  It worked out that we could go by the store late this afternoon on our way to rehearsal for the Junior Strings ensemble that Josiah and David are in, and David could buy himself a car.  He had plenty of money saved up and was excited to spend some of it in that way, which was a good choice, I thought.

This evening, after supper, the boys did indeed have some races, made especially hilarious by the fact that David's car can be controlled, not only by his own controller, but also by Shav's--and vice versa, of course.  That caused some interesting predicaments in the races, for sure!  :)

A little while later, David came up with another way to be entertaining, using his new car.  He somehow got Moriah to pretend that it was a dog; and then when she would come to pet it, he would make it move, and she would shriek and run up the steps.  Before long, Shav and then Tobin joined in, unable to resist the attraction of their little sister's laughter.  Who could?  :)

In the summer, our entertainment in the evenings is simple: go outside.  But in the winter, it can be a little more challenging to find appropriate ways to channel the energy and exuberance of the children, especially when it's been below freezing all day and they haven't spent much time at all outdoors.

For this one winter evening, at least, David's creativity with his new car and his willingness to play with his adoring younger siblings made for a very pleasant, albeit noisy, evening indeed.  :)

Wordless Wednesday {Because Today Needs Beauty}

Searching for Mother {Part of My Canada Journey}

In the days since my return from Canada, several people have kindly asked me, in various ways, if part of the reason I felt driven to take this trip was because I was looking for a connection to my mom.

Well, yes, I suppose I was.

On the surface, the impetus for my trip was my uncle's unexpected death in October and my subsequent disappointment that I wasn't able to go for a visit to be present at his memorial service and to see all of the gathered family.  But beneath that, there was something more that was drawing me northward: my aunt, of course.

My mother's only sister, she is my strongest link, not only to my mother, but also to my grandmother Dortha, to my great-aunt Rosa Lee, and to my great-grandmother Grace, whose name I carry as my middle name.  All these simple but strong women that I had the privilege of knowing personally run in a line, straight down to me, and now that I have a daughter, to Moriah; and I wish I could reach back in time and touch them again, and listen to them, and see their faces, and ask them questions.

My mother's Alzheimer's Disease is so advanced that any kind of conversation with her is one-sided.  She's a good listener, I'll put it that way.  ;-)  But there are not many meaningful words that come from her lips anymore, and that is a tragedy.  More than anything else I miss--her cooking, her help with folding my laundry, her willingness to help care for my children, our fun shopping trips to thrift stores together, etc.--more than anything, I miss our conversations.

Of course, my aunt isn't my mother.  Of course, she couldn't take that place entirely--and wouldn't expect to.  Of course, there will always be a special spot in my heart that can only be filled by my one true mother.  But in the void left by my disappearing mother, my aunt helps to fill that gap.

During this trip, for example, I was able to ask Aunt Joyce some questions I wished I had asked my mom before her decline.  During breakfasts of hearty, delicious granola, we talked...and while making yummy butter tarts, we talked...and while walking over snow-packed ground to get to the main building on the farm, we talked...and while taking down a wallpaper border in one of the rooms of her house, we talked.  We talked about pretty much everything.  :)  Aunt Joyce listened, she shared things from her own life, she told me tidbits about family history that I hadn't known, she answered my questions.  Our conversations strengthened the heart-bond that grows stronger every time we're together.

Those of us whose loved ones are slipping away--either through dementia or some other disease, like cancer or strokes or any number of other sicknesses--sometimes do funny things to try to reach out and cling to them.  Maybe it is true that one of the motivations for my trip (although certainly not the only one!) was this kind of clinging.  But even if it was, I really don't think my aunt minded.  :)  Her warmth and hospitality--so like my mother's used to be--was soothing balm for my heart that always feels pierced by a slowly-revolving knife as I mourn the slow but steady loss of my mother.

Tonight I whisper an extra thank-you to God for the gift of the incredible mother He gave me.  And to that, I add an additional prayer of thanks that my mother has such a wonderful sister!  :)

Four Things I'm Taking Away from Canada

I'm still floating a few inches above the ground, held aloft by the joyful memories of my visit in British Columbia.  I really run out of words quickly when I try to describe how special that time was.  :)

Soon I hope to post lots more pictures and words about what I actually did there, but tonight I want to describe four specific ways that I have been changed as a result of my time up north.  God used my conversations with the family there to teach and inspire me, and I am happily reaping the results of that!  :)

First, some of this only makes sense if you know that my relatives there live on a communal farm, which, to be perfectly honest, seemed a little strange to me as I was growing up.  ;-)  But now, despite my aunt's efforts to give me a balanced view and help me understand the difficult parts of corporate living, I am thoroughly impressed by the beauty of it all.  I could say more about that, but let me dive into these four specific ways I've been changed since a week and a day ago when I bounced my way through the cold air and landed in a small airport in Fort St. John, BC.

Dishes

On most days, all the residents of the farm eat together for lunch and supper; and as soon as they are done, they all hop up and get busy washing the dishes, putting leftover food away, clearing the tables, and setting them for the next meal.  I could not believe how fast they accomplished all of this.  I was particularly impressed by everyone's willingness to pitch in and help--men and women, young and old.  Since I didn't know where anything went, about the only thing I could do that was helpful was to dry dishes; but I was glad to do so, and as I stood there with cloth in hand, I marveled at the speed and efficiency of the clean-up around me.

"If they can do this so quickly and cheerfully, why can't I accomplish this in my own kitchen with only the dishes from the eight people that gather around my table for dinner each day?" I asked myself.

My next thought followed quickly: "Aha!  Maybe I CAN do this!  After all, my kids are old enough to help; and if I just spend a little time training them, I'm sure we too could become an efficient team to conquer the dishes each evening!"  That thought made me giddy.  :)

Let me tell you, doing the dishes at the end of the day has been one of my long-standing housekeeping mountains; and more times than I'd like to admit, I've stumbled and fallen and not ascended that particular mountain in victory!  It always seemed to happen that I wasn't able to get to the dishes until after all the kids were in bed; and, even when it went smoothly, that whole get-the-kids-in-bed process was a huge energy drain that capped off days that always seemed exhausting.  Most evenings, walking back into the kitchen and facing the dishes felt a little like running in the Boston Marathon or hiking the entire Appalachian Trail: it just wasn't going to happen!  ;-)  I would do some of the work, but finishing it consistently every evening felt unattainable.  (And I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's not the first time I've confessed embarrassing things to my readers!)  ;-)  

Because of the example I saw in Canada, I've already implemented changes.  Tonight after supper, for example, Shav went around the table, collected the silverware, and put it in the dishwasher.  Tobin gathered the cups and glasses and took care of them, putting the empty ones in the dishwasher and the not-empty ones in the refrigerator in case someone wanted a drink later (someone ALWAYS wants a drink later).  David got the plates, scraped off the ones that needed it, then placed those carefully in the dishwasher.  Josiah was ready to dry the dishes I needed to hand-wash; but as it turned out, there were only a very few tonight, and they all fit in the draining rack, so I had him take recycling down to the garage and something down to the cellar, etc.  

Guess how long it took?

Well, I didn't time it so I can't say for sure, but--surprise, surprise!--it wasn't very long.  Can you see my sheepish grin through the computer?  ;-)

The real question is, "Why didn't I do this long ago??"  I suppose it's because until I saw it in action in BC, the idea I had of how we could cooperate in this way was so foggy of a concept that I didn't push to make it reality.  Seeing is believing; and in this case, the act of seeing cooperative clean-up after meals on a farm in Canada made me believe that such cooperation was possible in my kitchen in Virginia.  And in the process, I finally have hope that one of the worst homemaking hurdles for me can finally be overcome.  What a relief!!  :)

Homeschooling

Talk to any homeschooling mom, and you will likely hear a familiar refrain: "I can't do it all!  I never have enough time to get to everything I'd like to cover!  I'm afraid there will be gaps in my children's education!  I just can't do it all!!"

I've thought these things.  Correction: I think these things.  The challenge of "doing it all" is real and permanent, I do believe!  But watching my relatives during this trip inspired me to make a few changes that are breathing new life into how I homeschool.  (And any homeschool mom knows that the end of January is a REALLY good time for that to happen because by then, the inspiration of new beginnings has worn off and winter doldrums have set in and fresh ideas are especially meaningful when homeschooling is prone to lag in the middle of the year!)  ;-)

To be specific, I was impressed by the places my relatives set aside for educating their children (and I'll show a few pictures of that in another post), by the time set aside for schooling, and by the importance of it.  

I'll be honest, I have relaxed so much in our schooling that I'm sure I have fallen too much into a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of education--NOT my preferred method.  ;-)  I appreciate the relaxed pace of our days, and the joy of dropping the lesson plan when a significant, deep conversation begins, and things like that; but I do NOT appreciate the stress I have felt, knowing that I was shortchanging my children by not ever getting to some really important things they need to be learning.  Shame on me!

Through talking with my cousin Daniel's wife Susan who is homeschooling her two daughters and by seeing how the children of another cousin Ethan are being educated by their two grandmas (one of whom is my Aunt Joyce, in case you're having trouble sorting out these family relationships) ;-), I have been inspired to immediately make a few changes.  For example, I just ordered the DVDs that go with the spelling curriculum we use, so that Josiah and David can do that subject (basically) independently, rather than waiting for me to have time to do it with them (which "never" happens, since my minutes always fill up with other things, it seems).  I also pulled out a bulletin board that Dad passed along to me when he retired and no longer needed all of his office things.  Since 2010, it's been lounging against the wall in Jeff's closet, being absolutely useless; but I never got rid of it because I had high hopes for how I could use it someday!  ;-)  I'll do a post about that (hopefully) soon, but for now I'll say that getting that ready to hang on the wall has brought greater organization and impetus to our homeschool.  Another change I made was rearranging some furniture in the living room to make it more learning-friendly.  Well, I should admit that I'm still in the process of doing that, and part of the living room is still a mess because of it.  But it's getting there!  :)  When completed, I think the set-up will make it easier to do what we need to do, especially as I help Tobin and Shav with their work.  And lastly, I'm filled again with enthusiasm and a renewed commitment to put the time into my children's education that they deserve.  It's like the beginning of the school year, with plans and dreams galore, all over again!  :)

Beauty

Maybe the image of a collective farm in the wilds of northeastern BC doesn't conjure up images of beauty in your mind.  Maybe you imagine scarcity and barrenness.  Maybe I did before my trip.

If so, I was wrong, because what struck me in Aunt Joyce's home, and in Daniel and Susan's home, and in Ethan and Jenny's home, was beauty--beauty and warmth and coziness and neatness and peace and all kinds of attractive things!  :)

In my aunt's home, I smiled to see some "pretties" that she took back from my grandparents' farm: an old framed picture of my grandma when she was a little girl that now hangs in the bedroom where I slept, for example; a needlework piece with a nature scene and a saying about how prayer changes everything; delicate china dishes, etc.  Besides that, I was so impressed by the paintings that my aunt has done; she has not only painted pictures to hang on the wall, but she has beautified things like moose antlers, a stool, a glass dish, even lightbulbs.  :)  I, who get sweaty palms just drawing a stick figure, ;-) was amazed at the gorgeous things that have flowed from my aunt's fingers!  :)

Both my cousins-in-law (is that a word?) ;-), Susan and Jenny, have made truly lovely homes; and I smiled when I heard them say things like, "Oh, this just used to be a big open room, but Daniel put up these walls to make bedrooms," and "Ethan likes to work with wood, and he made this furniture for our wedding."  As if those things are easy to do!  ;-)

In my own home, before we even moved in upon our return from Israel, I had reams of ideas of what I wanted to do in this space: what colors to paint the walls, where to place furniture, how to decorate, and so forth.  Reality struck when we were finally living here, realizing that all of those ideas can only come to fruition with a fortuitous mix of time and money!  :)  Needless to say, my plans for how to fix up my new nest slowed down significantly; and honestly, that's fine.  That's life!  

In more recent years, I have been so influenced by the minimalist movement, so careful to spend money frugally when there are so many needs around the world, and so caught up in my busy life, that I have been reluctant to add much at all to our possessions, especially to such "unnecessary" things as decorations.  As a result, some areas of my walls, for example, have remained bare that would probably look nicer with something hanging there!  ;-)  When I think about which rooms I find most attractive in my home, I definitely think about Moriah's room and my room; and the thing about both of them is that they have quite a few decorations in them, but they are still neat and orderly.  Most of the time.  :)  Maybe a minimalist look isn't really what I should be striving for.  :)

Now I'm not advocating going hog-wild and spending hundreds of dollars to decorate the place (Jeff is happy to hear that) ;-), but the past few days I've been finding the wheels in my head turning as I think about what I can do--cheaply--to add some beauty to our home.  The bulletin board I mentioned before is not only a change to help with homeschooling, but it's also a step towards bringing a splash of color to a wall that was previously empty.  Because my current decorating style is influenced heavily by the 5+ children I have and the method of education that we've chosen, I have to bridge the gap between the furnishings and decorations that I find most attractive and the ones that actually work well in this phase of life.  And believe me, there is a gap!  ;-)

At any rate, all of those things that stood out to me about my relatives' homes--the beauty, warmth, coziness, neatness, peace, etc.--are what I long to have here in my own home.  I'm part of the way there, but still have a ways to go, and am thankful for the push in that direction.

Humility

If there's one character trait that must be essential to live in a setting like my aunt and uncle chose long ago for their family, it's humility.  Having so many personalities, each with his or her own set of experiences and opinions, rubbing together in such close quarters could not possibly be a success without large doses of humility; and I was fortunate to see it lived out, even during my brief time there.  

For example, one day the group met together to discuss a new work responsibility that the men needed to handle; and after it was decided that this was indeed a task that needed to be done, someone said that a schedule would be set up for when each man would take his turn to do this, and everyone calmly agreed.  Not a single word of complaint was uttered.  It was amazing to see.

If anyone follows the example of Jesus in this way, it's them.  If anyone can say with Jesus, in the words of Luke 22:27, "I am among you as one who serves," it's them.  If anyone takes seriously Luke 17:10 which says, "So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty'," it's them.  If anyone lives out the second chapter of Philippians, it's them.

Does it seem like I'm putting them on a pedestal?  Yeah, I probably am.  I really was impressed by their attitude toward working together and serving each other.  But I know they're not perfect in this, and I realize it's been a struggle at times--just like it would be for any of us.  However, their unique living situation has produced a unique outcome: an overflow of tangible humility that sacrifices one's own desires for the good of others--and in the process, finds one's own needs cared for as well.

I want to be like that.

In the early years of my marriage, I sometimes made a game out of how much I could serve Jeff.  It was a race, a competition to see who could be the first to meet a need.  In that kind of a game, everyone wins!  :)

I am not always like that anymore.

Seeing a group of people demonstrating such a deep level of humility made me realize anew how far I need to go--and what's more, gave me a good reason for pursuing this!  Because a life lived in humility is a wondrous thing.

So there you have it: four specific things to take-away from my short visit to Canada.  Four areas in which I can say, "Because of this trip, I am not the same."  Those are some pretty good souvenirs, I'd say.  ;-)

And if you're thinking that the tiny pine cone pictured above is also something I took away from Canada, you'd be mistaken.  That little bit of beauty got to stay right there on the farm, cast aside after I had admired its perfect form.

I had more important things to bring home with me, after all--things that didn't take up any room in my suitcase or cause a problem when I went through customs!  :)