I'm utterly embarrassed to admit that a year ago--YES, A WHOLE YEAR AGO--I started a post about their 50th anniversary, a post which lay untended in my drafts folder for FAR too long, a post which shall now be finished and presented to the world.
I know they say "better late than never," but I do believe I'm taking that principle entirely too far! ;-) At any rate, the original post follows...
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A few days ago, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary--a fact which still fills me with awe, not only because "oh my word, 50 years of marriage is a long time, and so few people reach that milestone these days!" but also because in my mind (which thinks of myself as being somewhere in my early 20s), my parents haven't yet left the hard-to-define "middle age" years. If they're about 50 years old, like they still seem to be to me, how can they be celebrating their 50th anniversary?? :)
Regardless of my brain which clearly has a hard time grasping the truth about people's ages, they are indeed celebrating their 50th. Or rather, they did celebrate it--this past Sunday, as I mentioned here. We met my brother David and his family in Martinsburg, West Virginia, about halfway between their home and ours, and shared a meal together, all because on a beautiful Sunday 50 years previously, a man and a woman had publicly vowed to share a life together. Am I ever glad they did!! :)
In honor of that man and woman and in remembrance of the first 50 years of their marriage, here is a list of 50 things--characteristics I appreciate about them, memories of them I cherish, reasons to thank God for them.
2. Being the youngest, I was the last child at home once the others started to school. When my dad came up to the house from the office for lunch, he would often play a game of Uno with me while my mom was getting lunch on the table. When he lost, he pretended to be so sad and would pull down on his lip and fake-cry. I loved it. ;-)
3. Mother let me be her little sidekick and learn how to be a homemaker by watching her and imitating. I remember standing by her side at the clothesline, handing her clothespins, when I was very small.
4. Likewise, I remember standing on a kitchen chair pushed over to the sink, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the drainer after she washed them. It was a joy to work side-by-side like that!
5. We had a big garden during those years, and caring for it became a whole-family project. Because Dad was literally always on-call when he was home (and this was, of course, LONG before the advent of cordless phones, cell phones, and all the other advancements in communications technology), he would pick up the old black dial phone, stretch its L-O-N-G cord as far as it could go, and set it outside by the porch so he could hear it if it rang. It wasn't uncommon for him to have to interrupt his evening or weekend labor in the garden to go down to the office and sew up a laceration or deal with some other minor emergency.
6. When my maternal grandparents had their beef cows butchered, we got a whole beef, and that provided us with abundant meat for all year. It was a whole-family project (just like gardening!) to pack and wrap the meat before putting it in the freezer. I particularly remember spooning ground hamburger into plastic pint boxes and pushing it down to eliminate air pockets. One year when we were packing meat together, the phone rang; it was a patient who needed to speak to Dad, who was down in the garage, I believe. Whichever one of us had answered the phone told the lady to hang on and we would get Dad, but then we forgot to tell him, and the phone sat on the counter with the lady still hanging on! When somebody finally noticed that the phone was off the hook, we quickly got Dad on the line; and as he apologized to the lady for the long wait, she said, "Oh, I didn't mind! It sounded like you all had a whole cow cut up in your kitchen!" :) You might be a country doctor if a
7. Another phone story from many years later... In 2007, Jeff and I, along with Josiah and David, went to the Outer Banks for vacation, and my parents went along with us. While there, the phone in the beach house rang one day; and my dad answered. It was someone calling from...I don't know...out in the Midwest somewhere, I think; and it was clearly a wrong number. But rather than saying, "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number," and hanging up, Dad proceeded to start chatting with the caller--asking who they were trying to reach, then looking up the name in the local phone book to see if he could find the right info for them. Anyone else would have ended the call in 10 seconds or less, but not my dad. Besides a genuine desire to help people, he has great affection for the phone (which unfortunately did not get passed down to me!). :)
8. Life was so busy for my mother that she rarely took the time to sit down and play games with us children, but I remember one time when she played Bible dominoes with me. The fact that I still remember that shows just how much that meant to me.
9. Bedtime was early for us. 7:00 was the official time, although I know we didn't always make it into bed by then. Still, our normal pattern, when we were young (in this case, "we" means my next closest sibling, David, and I...my other brother and my sister were older by this time, so they weren't listening to stories with us and could stay up later, although when they were young, my mom read to them as well) was to have supper, then sit on the couch--my brother David on one side of my mom, and me on the other--while Mother read to us--first, from the Bible, then from another book. I loved to follow along with my eyes on the page as she read aloud.
10. While she was doing that, David and I would sometimes be crocheting or doing counted cross-stitch, two things which Mother taught us. We got really good at doing chain stitches and would end up with LONG chains of crocheting that would stretch across the living room, but I don't think either he or I actually finished a crocheting project. We did, however, finish some counted cross-stitch projects. It was so pleasant to sit there together with Mother, working with our hands while she read aloud to us.
11. My parents surprised me one year by entering some needlework I had done (regular cross-stitch that time, I believe) in the county fair without me knowing it. We walked into that exhibit hall where the children's needlework was displayed, and there was something that looked exactly like what I had done. And then I discovered that I had done it!! :) That was a very fun surprise.
12. Periodically Dad would need to go to medical conferences that were held in various places around the country; and when we were older, sometimes Mother would go with him. While he was in meetings, she would relax in the hotel room and do a lot of reading--a treat for her. Back in those days, airlines gave out little bags of peanuts--sometimes honey-roasted peanuts, my favorite!--as a snack on their flights; and my parents would bring home those peanuts for us as a special gift. I was always excited to receive those. (Which now seems like such a small thing, but it was huge to us at the time!) :)
13. One time when I was sick with a high fever, my dad needed to go to a pharmacy in town to get some medicine for me. Being a country doctor, he kept a wide variety of medicines on hand; but finding liquid medicines that his daughter-who-couldn't-swallow-pills could handle was a challenge; and, in this particular instance, it necessitated a trip to town. When he returned, he had a small heart-shaped box of Valentine's candy for me. As far as I can recall, that was the only time he ever gave me candy like that, and his thoughtfulness meant so much to me that I kept that box for the longest time!
14. Another time, I was sick with some kind of cough/breathing issue; and Mother was concerned enough about me to lay down in my bed with me so she could listen to my breathing and make sure I was OK. Although our family was warm and affectionate, we didn't do a lot of snuggling; and this was the only time I remember my mom laying down in my bed. It definitely made me feel loved and cared for.
15. Speaking of laying down... At some point during my childhood, my parents got a waterbed, which I thought was THE COOLEST THING EVER. I loved that thing! Of course, I didn't get to sleep in it...well, except for the time Dad was gone to a medical meeting and Mom said I could sleep in it. That was so much fun. :)
16. My mother loved teacups and had a beautiful collection of them. One time when my parents came to visit me in college, Mother handed me a gift: it was a lovely teacup with delicate purple flowers on it. My first teacup. :) Such a special gift!
17. Every time my parents took me back to college for the year, they would help me carry my things into my dorm room, of course; and one thing my mom always did that meant so much to me was to make my bed for me before they left for the long drive home. I always felt like I would be OK, no matter how much unpacking and adjusting was left to do, as long as my bed was made and I had a place to lie down when night came.
18. My dad's days were full of seeing patients and doing the work of a doctor, but I--and my other siblings, too--knew that we could always call the office and be put right through to him. I remember the feeling of privilege that I had when I would dial that familiar number, hear one of the nurses' voices answer, then say, "This is Davene. Can I talk to Dad please?" It wouldn't take long at all before he would come on the line. It made me feel quite important. :)
19. My parents went to great lengths to ensure that they were at every basketball game I played in, every concert or piano recital I performed in; nearly every event of any kind that was significant to me, they found a way to be there, even if it meant driving several hours. One late night, we were coming home from a basketball game (I was riding with my family, not on the bus with the team), and a deep fog had fallen over everything. It was one of the most treacherous foggy nights I've ever experienced, but we made it through. I'm sure we all heaved a gigantic sigh of relief when we arrived home safely!
20. Another time, we were returning from my grandparents' home in Pennsylvania, and it was snowing so hard that we could barely see the lines on the highway. If my memory is correct, the visibility out the windshield was almost nonexistent, but we could faintly see the lines on each side of our car, so with someone looking out each side, we crept along on the road. My mother was understandably quite nervous; and without even being aware of it, she was rubbing her thumb and finger together; she did that for so long that she literally rubbed a hole in her glove! We all got a kick out of that when we realized what had happened. :) Sometime after that, one of us (maybe my brother David) got her a small rock, inscribed with the word Faith or Hope or something similar, so that if she were ever in a situation like that, she could rub the rock, rather than rubbing another hole in a glove. :)
21. One night when I know she worried was the night after she and Dad put me on an airplane to fly to Israel all by myself. I had never been there before, and I had to take three separate flights to get there. The rest of the group from my college had gone on ahead of me because I was in a wedding and couldn't travel with them. I was completely on my own. From what I've heard, Mother sat up in a rocking chair in our kitchen for hours, praying for my safety and trying not be overcome by worry (I wonder if she rubbed her rock!). ;-) Apparently she was thinking thoughts like, "What have we done? If something happens to her, we won't even know where to start looking! We won't even know what country she might be in!" As it turned out, everything went fine, and I managed to connect with my group in Israel and have a wonderful time there. But oh, what an anxious night for her!
22. One of the things I liked to do when I went into Dad's office was to shake up the medicines that had separated. In the Drug Room were rows of bottles of pills and liquid medicines, and some of the liquid ones would separate. My brother David and I had fun shaking them and watching them mix up again. Simple pleasures. :)
23. Another fun thing about Dad's office was the pair of crutches he kept on hand. Of course, if we had really needed to use the crutches, we wouldn't have enjoyed it so much; but since we could stop using them whenever we wanted, we thought it great fun to get them out and practice walking on them. We got pretty good at them, except for steps; I never could figure out how to maneuver steps with crutches!
24. When I was little, I was hesitant about being in water over my head, so jumping off the side of the swimming pool was a Big Deal for me. My dad would stand out a little way in the pool, then hold out his arms to catch me. If he was there, I could jump because I knew he would save me. Sometimes I would shout "Geronimo!" before I jumped. :)
25. One of the special treats my mother baked for us was grape pies; and often when she made several of those, she would give me a little piece of crust and some filling to put into a tiny little pie plate. Those personal-sized grape pies were the best. :)
26. Mother played the piano for both school and church events; and from a very early age, I was her page-turner. How many hours did I spend, sitting beside her on the piano bench, listening to her fingers draw forth glorious music from the keys, waiting for that familiar head to nod so I would know when to turn the page? It was a wonderful introduction to the fascinating world of music.
27. As I got older and learned to play the piano, Mother and I would play duets together--even into my adulthood. Sometimes we would start laughing so hard (usually at our mistakes) that we would have to take a break from playing, just to wipe our eyes and catch our breaths. There's a special bonding that takes place when you make music with someone, and I got to experience that often with her.
28. When I took violin lessons, she accompanied me for performances. I distinctly remember practicing with her here at home: I would get SO HOT as I played the violin, so we would open one of the windows in the living room and I would stand right by it to feel the cool breeze flowing over me.
29. One of the biggest highlights of our childhood years was our vacation time at the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I could probably write 50 things just about that! :) We LOVED that time together as a family, especially because the busy-ness of Dad's medical practice was far away, and the work of maintaining a home and a big garden was put on hold, and we could spend so much time together, just enjoying each other. It was one of the few times in the year when we played lots of games together as a family. One of my favorites was Bible Challenge. (Of course, there was also the year when one of my older siblings taught us to play poker, using peanuts instead of coins. We were teetering on the edge of heathenism that year.) ;-)
30. When I was very young, my chief joy on the beach itself was doing a little splashing right at the water's edge, but mostly burying my mother's feet in the sand. :) After they were covered, she would wiggle them loose, then I would bury them again.
31. Dad always enjoyed fishing at the beach, and he would let us fish, too. I was pretty squeamish about putting a worm on the hook, because of two reasons: first, a hook! And second, the worms we used were bloodworms and had a stinger at one end of them. I was always afraid I would touch the wrong end and get hurt, so Dad usually put the worms on the hook for me. :) My casting was atrocious; sometimes the end of my line would wind up perpendicular down the beach from me, rather than out in the water. I always had to make sure no one was close by when I tried to cast! ;-) But despite my blunders, I occasionally caught a fish; and one year, I even caught a decent-sized flounder that made me feel like I had really done something big. :)
32. Through the years, Dad has been a wealth of information for all of us children (and grandchildren and so forth) about medical issues. Whenever we were sick or injured, all it took was a phone call to Dad (we knew he would answer--see #7) ;-), and we were armed with knowledge about how to best treat whatever the ailment was. I cannot express how much comfort has come to my heart during the past almost 9 years because whenever one of my children has taken a serious fall or some other near-catastrophe, Dad's been just down the hill, ready to examine the child and reassure me. Priceless.
33. My mother could sew well, although life was so busy that she didn't have nearly as much time to do it as she would have liked. Several times, she made special dresses for me, usually for some kind of school function or end-of-the-year awards banquet. I remember a time or two when the day of the big event was drawing steadily nearer, and the dress was no closer to being finished than it had been for weeks. But after I went to bed the night before the big day, Mother hid herself away in her sewing room and worked her magic; and when I woke up in the morning--presto!--a beautiful dress was hanging from the curtain rod in my bedroom. Maybe she needed me to try it on to see where to make the hem, or maybe it was completely finished; but either way, I was amazed at how she came through for me; and I proudly wore her handiwork. :)
34. I've written before about my parents' availability and about how much their willingness to change their plans to help me has meant to me during our years here. Tonight was another example of this: over dinner, I asked them if Josiah could hang out at their house while I took the other kids and went shopping. Why didn't I want Josiah to go? Well, it just so happens that he's having a birthday in two days; and I needed to get a couple of last-minute items for him. :) Dad said that it was just fine for Josiah to be at their house, and I thought again of how much I appreciate their availability.
35. One year when we were vacationing on the Outer Banks, we did some shopping in a row of outlet stores--an activity the ladies enjoyed very much, and the men tolerated. ;-) As we approached one of the outlet stores, I saw a display in the front window with Meadow Lane by Pfaltzgraff dishes set on a pink and white tablecloth. I instantly knew that those were the dishes for me (you can see a plate here), and from that time on, I didn't even consider another pattern. On that day, Mother bought one dinner plate for me, and I carefully saved it in my hope chest as the seed of a dream to one day have my own home and family--a family that would eat off of Meadow Lane dishes. :) Through the years, my parents added to my collection; and guess what? We still use those same dishes--all because an outlet store in North Carolina had an eye-catching display in the window one summer. :)
36. When I graduated from high school, my parents gave me a very special gift: a cedar chest made out of wood from cedar trees that grew on my grandparents' farm in Pennsylvania. It's still one of my favorite possessions--not just because of its beauty and functionality, but because of the significance of those trees and all the memories I have stored up from our visits to that farm.
37. My mother was present when four out of my five children were born, and the only reason she wasn't with me when David was born is because she was back in our apartment in Tel Aviv with Josiah. She was endlessly reassuring and encouraging while I was in labor, and I'm so grateful for her presence during those times.
38. My dad was the first person we told when we found out we were pregnant for the first time. I had taken a pregnancy test that morning (it happened to be Columbus Day of 2001); and later that day on our way up to Big Bear to visit Jeff's parents, I called Dad and asked, "If a pregnancy test is positive, does that mean it's REALLY positive, or could there be a mistake?" He assured me that it was almost certainly accurate: if it was positive, it meant a baby. After that, I called Mom and told her the good news; and then we got to tell Jeff's parents in person.
39. Because we had a collie when I was a little, that's always been my favorite kind of dog; but when we first got our collie Bucko, I was nervous because I was so little and he seemed so big. I have a faint memory of being held in my dad's arms, when we went to the place to get Bucko, and leaning down from the safety of that height to pet our new dog.
40. When I would come home from college, my parents would make it a priority to let me rest. I never had to worry that they would be getting me out of bed first thing in the morning to help them do some project around the house. On the contrary, they gave me the gift of sleep. And what a gift it was to a weary, sleep-deprived student!
41. When I was sick as a child, I could always count on them to pray for me (out loud and immediately); and although I might not have fully understood that there was much more power in those prayers than in the medicine they were spooning into my mouth, I look back with gratitude that they quickly turned to the Source of all healing in my times of need.
42. Wedding planning was a time rich with special moments for my mom and I. Because Jeff was in California and we were planning a wedding in Virginia (and I was finishing my senior year of college in Pennsylvania), my mother was very involved in the planning, and I appreciated her help so much. She never came across as being pushy, and she didn't manipulate me to get her way with the arrangements; it was truly a happy, peaceful, bonding time for us.
43. Mother was the main cook for our family, and she prepared countless delicious meals for us. But I remember Dad getting involved in the kitchen, too, particularly for breakfast. I can picture him even now, standing at the stove, spatula in hand, ready to turn the fried eggs or the sausage.
44. During my growing-up years, I had times of moodiness like everyone else does, I guess; and one unique and effective way that Mother used to communicate with me when I was unwilling to open up and talk with her was through writing notes. I still remember one that she wrote to me as if my bed were talking! Rather than saying, "Davene, you need to make your bed!", she penned an earnest note from my bed, pleading with me to make it every day. It worked much better than a direct command from her would have done. :)
45. When I was sick with a stomach virus when I was little, my parents would let me sleep on the floor of their room in a sleeping bag--with a trash can beside me, of course. What comfort there was simply from being near to them!
46. Even though my birthday is on April Fools' Day and could have become a detested day for me, my parents did an outstanding job of protecting the specialness of that day for me and not allowing any jokes to be played on me. Because of that, to this day I love the fact that I was born on such a funny day! (And hey, it makes it easy for Jeff to remember when my birthday is!) ;-)
47. When Josiah was born, we lived in southern California in a townhouse. We had a tiny little patch of ground that we could cultivate; and during the three weeks Mother stayed with us, she helped us plant a tree and some flowers there. That was Josiah's Garden, and it was so special to me (but long before he could enjoy or appreciate it, we moved to Israel!). In the first apartment we lived in as newlyweds, Mother also helped us plant a tiny little garden there, including tomatoes, cucumbers, and other vegetables, as well as a dwarf orange tree that was still there, giving abundant fruit, a number of years later when we drove by!
48. One year on Mother's birthday, someone gave her a beautiful grand-piano-shaped cake that was even held up on legs, I think. It might have been from one of my older siblings, since they were probably old enough to be working real jobs by then (and boy, did I admire them--and probably covet their income!). ;-) At any rate, I was feeling so bad that I didn't do anything that special for Mother; but she tenderly hugged me and reassured me that whatever I gave her or did for her (I have no idea now what that might have been) was just as special as a piano-shaped cake. My heart was comforted. :)
49. Because my dad worked as the company doctor for a poultry processing plant near our house, he was sometimes given a sizable gift certificate for Christmas; and it became a tradition for my mother to use that to buy shrimp for our Christmas dinner (which is somewhat ironic because it came from a poultry factory, but the shrimp was an item they sold in their store). Because I didn't like seafood (after having had some really violent reactions to fish when I was younger), I didn't get nearly as excited as the rest of the family at the thought of such a special treat for Christmas dinner! ;-) But I appreciated the fact that even while the shrimp was being cooked for the rest of the family, a couple of hotdogs were being cooked for me, and I could eat them instead of forcing myself to eat shrimp. A beautiful example of grace and mercy! :)
50. My dad worked hard as a country doctor and did an excellent job of providing for us, and my mother did an excellent job of being frugal to make our pennies stretch. Because of this, I never worried about money; and even to this day, I feel like I have a safety net under me financially. I was blessed to go straight from the wise financial provider of my dad to the wise financial provider of my husband, and I'm grateful for them both. Because of them, I feel like a soft pillow cushions me; and I never worry about hitting the bottom financially. I know there were times when I was a child that finances were tight, but Dad carried that load and saved it from being placed on my shoulders.
51. I wasn't a perfect daughter, and Mom and Dad weren't perfect parents either. But through all the years of my life, I never once doubted their great love for me. I'll never stop being grateful that out of all the parents in the world, God chose this set to be mine. What a gift!
I could continue my list indefinitely because my parents are STILL doing special things for me and we are still creating beautiful memories together (and I'm sure when I read back over this list, I'll kick myself because I didn't include this memory or that!). But since this is their official 51st anniversary (or rather, it was two days ago), I'll stop my list now.
Until next year... :)
The following pictures were all taken last year, on my parents' golden anniversary. :)
I love my dad's face in that let's-all-be-silly picture above. :)
(By the way, a note about my blog. Life is traveling along at full speed right now, and I have many things on my plate. I'm going to take a break for a few days, see if I can catch my breath, and give my whole heart to life apart from the blog. I'll be back, of course; but I didn't want anyone to worry if I disappeared for a little while.) :)
This was so beautiful. If you put it in a book I would read it. What a beautiful home life. This made me smile, and im sure your parents are honored.
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary to your parents! 51 years! What an amazing milestone.I love the way your words painted 51 pictures of your parents. That was beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me teary eyed! Happy 51st anniversary to your parents!!
ReplyDeleteSo many lovely memories, Davene :)
ReplyDeleteI love the thought of the cedar chest you have. How precious because of who *gave* it to you AND where it came from. Wonderful!
What a blessing a long marriage is - not only for them, but for the children of that marriage. Like you, I am blessed with this security too.
Every blessing to your parents,
Anne x
Precious!
ReplyDelete