Adding Moriah to our family has been, for the most part, incredibly easy. It helps that she has a sweet and peaceful disposition...that the boys have been so excited about her and kind to her...that they are receiving extra special treatment these days because Grandma Fisher is visiting from California and is devoted to them...that I am feeling good physically and emotionally (except for brief teary moments, which are expected and don't cause me alarm)...that Jeff has been taking a lunch break and coming home to be with us in the middle of the day...that we've been the recipient of numerous dinners, gifts, and other acts of kindness from dear friends. All of these factors have smoothed our path as we've journeyed from a family of six to a family of seven.
However, there is a danger inherent in this welcome ease; and it is this: I start expecting too much of myself. Because I feel "normal," it's so natural for my mindset to pop back to my normal life, my normal workload, my normal productivity, my normal expectations. And then I find myself fretting because these days, if I accomplish anything at all beyond the basics of staying alive and nurturing my sweet daughter, I do it at a snail's pace. I am so slow!
For example, Josiah and David's room had been needing some serious attention for quite some time; but I had been putting them off by saying, "When Grandma Fisher gets here, working in your room will be at the top of my priority list for extra projects." They accepted that, Grandma Fisher came, and I started working in their room. I'm still working in their room. Every day I think, "Surely today I'll have time to actually finish this project!" And every day I find that time flies quickly, I seem to work slowly, and the job is still not done.
When this starts to bother me - when I find myself thinking, "I'll never be able to handle the responsibilities of a household again!" - I do a few things. I remember Psalm 68:19 which says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens," and I'm reminded to not fret about the future because God is already holding each day in His capable, strong hands. I also tell myself that I just had a baby 16 days ago, so maybe I should cut myself some slack. ;-) Then I think of a post I wrote soon after Tobin's birth, and that helps me focus on what's truly important. Besides these things, I hear Jeff's voice in my head, saying as he did so gently tonight, "I don't have any expectations for you. Just take care of our little one like you're doing," as he tenderly looked at Moriah waiting for her bath.
I'm realizing anew that some days, it is enough if my "accomplishments" at the end of the day only include such things as feeding and clothing Moriah, holding and comforting her, nurturing my boys through hugs and kisses and conversation, smiling at Jeff and letting him see joy spill from me, and maybe, if it's a good day, taking some pictures of Moriah and finding one that I'm pleased with.
I have been amazed at all you have been getting done!
ReplyDeleteOh my, that you would even think about projecting in the boys room makes me tired. :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy day 17. May it be a blessed, slow day of loving on your children. Anything else that gets accomplished is simply a bonus.
Valerie - here's why I've been trying to work in their room. :) First, I know that I actually have more time now than I will in a few weeks; when Jeff's mom leaves, my "free time" will be reduced significantly. Second, it's a way of showing love to Josiah and David--particularly to Josiah, who really cares about the condition of his room. Third, there's nothing fun about having to scramble every day to make sure that Josiah and David have clothes to wear that actually fit. They both grew this past winter, and now when they pull out a pair of pants, there is about a 50/50 chance that they'll be too short. If I could just FINISH the seasonal job of sorting clothes, it would make the rest of the spring/summer/and into the fall easier for them and for me.
ReplyDeleteSo...did I convince you that it's a good idea for me to be working in their room?? ;-)