Remembering April

I'm not ready to say goodbye to April yet.

This month has been one of the best of my life; and now that it's over I find myself unexpectedly sentimental, simply because of a leaf turning over on the calendar.  Just when I should be eagerly embracing May, I find myself wanting to linger in April.  It's silly, I know.  What does it matter which month it is?  Life is still full and sweet and precious, even in May.  But April calls to me, and I don't want to let it go.

Besides Moriah's birth which was the most exciting event of the month by far, I've been blessed with a myriad of other cherished moments during the past 30 days.  Big things like my birthday and David's birthday, and small things like a pleasant Sunday evening outdoors...

...with big boys balancing on wooden swings while they munch on popcorn...

...and Tobin Bear in completely mismatched clothes (but who cares when you're four years old and in your own yard?)...

...and Shav wanting to be pushed "high, high, high!"...

...and eating from the big bowl of popcorn.

So many pleasant moments.  I have so MUCH for which to give thanks!

As is my custom, I want to record here my Facebook status updates from this month so that I can remember these little, quick peeks into these special April days.


4/3 - One of my boys (who shall remain nameless, but is really old enough to know better) asked me yesterday, "When you're not pregnant, are you totally overweight?" I HAVE been feeling a little self-conscious about my size recently, but of course I know that he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. Even so, I hardly knew whether to laugh...or cry...or quickly look up a Healthy Weight for Women chart on Google and show it to him so I could prove that I'm not "totally" overweight. ;-) It's all part of training young men how to show love to the females in their life, I suppose. ;-)


4/4 - I've been having contractions for weeks, so that's nothing new. But last evening was the first time I thought I might actually be going into labor. I HATE timing contractions, so I never do it. But I did happen to notice last evening that there was a little more "action" in my abdominal region. However, it eventually diminished, and the night brought forth no baby. Still waiting...but happily. This delay just gives me more time to finish projects around here! :)


4/4 - At my appointment with the midwife this afternoon, I discovered that I'm 3 centimeters dilated...which means...well...absolutely nothing! ;-) I could either have this baby tomorrow, or wait until next week. Still a guessing game. Still nesting. Still happy. Still at peace. :)


4/5 - No baby last night. The contractions which pick up intensity in the evening always die away before accomplishing much. It looks like this little girl might be holding out to be born on Passover or Easter after all! :) So, what project should I tackle today? Laundry? Yes. A little cleaning? Yes. The sun is shining; it's looking like a great day! :)


4/5 - I feel like about every hour or so, I should post something...just a quick little blurb to the effect of "no, nothing is happening yet." Otherwise, my FB silence might lead some to assume that things have picked up and a baby is on the way. Anyway, here's my 10:30 blurb: "no, nothing is happening yet." Now you know. ;-)


4/6 - No baby yet. I actually had a great night of sleep last night. Today I'm thinking a lot about Good Friday: what happened on this day and what it means for me. I often think that it's ironic that we've given it the name "Good" Friday, when in reality, for the followers of Jesus, it seemed anything but a good day. I'm so grateful for the perspective we have, knowing what comes next in His story! :)


4/6 - I know what Baby Girl is doing with all her free time these days: growing in length and stretching out her legs so she can kick me in my right rib. This is EXACTLY what her big brother Josiah did all the time at the end of that pregnancy. Little Girl had typically been stretching out and poking me in my right side, lower than my ribs. But apparently she's discovered that the rib area is a lot of fun. When she gets going with that, I lean back as far as I can and try to make more room for her in there; but eventually there is a limit to how far back I can go! Maybe she's like a swimmer, getting ready to kick off the wall of the swimming pool so that she can go as fast as she can as she exits the womb. ;-)


4/6 - I'm feeling a little like a watched pot tonight. Nothing's boiling yet. So I'm going to dust and vacuum the living room. If I can't be productive giving birth to a baby tonight, I'll be productive with cleaning! :)


4/7 - I awoke full of anticipation. The sun is shining gloriously, and my brother David and his family are coming today from Pennsylvania! Even if a certain other member of the family doesn't decide to show up today, it will still be a very special day. ;-) And now, off to Josiah and David's last swimming lesson to watch my boys be little fish. :)


4/7 - Had a GREAT visit with family today! No labor yet. Amazingly peaceful and content. All is well!


4/7 - Now that we've officially passed my due date, I'm not going to let myself think that Baby Girl is LATE. As a matter of fact, she's right on time. God's timing. And when that time is complete, she will be born. Until then, I rejoice in her kicks, somersaults, hiccups, twirls, etc. inside me. Watching my stomach move will soon come to an end. Feeling her every motion will be over soon. This phase of being so connected to her is drawing to a close. While it lasts, I will appreciate the glory and beauty of it. And I will not chafe because she is "late." End of story. :)


4/8 - Awakened by the sizzling sound and the delicious smell of Jeff frying bacon in the kitchen. I bet that's better than what the hospital was serving for breakfast today. ;-) No labor yet. It's a gorgeous day. And what's more - it's Easter! So grateful for this day.


4/8 - Jeff is offering to take us all on a family date to Sweet Bee. Should I accept? Umm...let me think...for all of a half of a second. The answer is: YES! :)


4/8 - Josiah to me: "Every morning, I check first thing to see if you're still here, or if you're at the hospital having the baby." When I had Shav, Jeff and I left before the other boys were awake; and our Old Order Mennonite neighbor Wilma came over to stay here with the boys. Josiah remembers waking up, coming to the top of the stairs, and seeing Wilma's bonnet in the living room. Instantly he knew that it was time, and I was having the baby. Now, almost three years later, he apparently thinks about that every morning. :)


4/10 - After a good night of sleep and cuddles with Moriah, I'm ready to start a new day. First thing on the agenda: breakfast--I hope it gets here soon. I'm as hungry as a horse!! :)


4/11 - Adjusting to a new baby in the household isn't too difficult. Remembering that EVERYONE in the family is adjusting to a new baby in the household is much more difficult. Having GRACE for everyone in the family who is adjusting to a new baby in the household is the most difficult of all. Tonight I'm thankful that "His mercies are new every morning." :)


4/12 - For the first time, I saw Moriah sucking on two of her fingers today. Then she sneezed, and the fingers flew out of her mouth. I don't think she could figure out what happened to them and why they disappeared. :)


4/12 - Blessed by an amazing feast of food given to us by Sally tonight. So grateful for friends to prop my arms up when I'm feeling overwhelmed!


4/13 - Today is Jeff's first day back to work since Moriah was born, and I was a little nervous about how the day would go without him here. I needn't have worried, however. One kind friend came and got the boys to take to her house for a fun afternoon, and Emily Sacra came over to take pictures of Moriah. It's been a great day so far!! Now that the house is quiet with just Moriah and I here, I think it's time for some snuggles with my girl and maybe a nap together. Of course, I could rush around and try to accomplish something productive. Nah. A nap sounds better. ;-)


4/13 - Today was a gift in so many ways, but I'm especially grateful for the afternoon I had with Moriah. With my boys VERY happily entertained at a friend's house, I cherished the moments of just me and my girl. We took the longest, snuggliest nap together on the couch, and I wept tears of joy over her as I thanked God for the precious blessing He's given us. Uh oh, just writing about tears of joy makes me shed them all over again...I'd better go grab a tissue... ;-)


4/14 - Josiah said to me yesterday or the day before: "If Moriah had been a boy, and then if you had had another boy, what would you have named him?" He knows the name we would give to a 5th son, but wanted to know what a 6th son would have been named. I would have answered his question, but the only thing is...we never chose a name for a 6th son! Isn't it funny how kids run ahead of us in so many ways??? :)


4/14 - I heard David crooning to Moriah this morning, "Hello, pretty girl!" Such sweetness...my heart can hardly contain it. :)


4/15 - The dilemma of the day: for Moriah's first church service, I dressed her in a cute outift from my wonderful sister-in-law Kim. Sleeveless dress, long-sleeved onesie for warmth, and tights. I put the onesie and the dress on Moriah, but then I got stuck. Do the tights go over the onesie? Does the onesie go over the tights? I pondered it for a while, then decided to put the tights over the onesie. But I'm still not sure I did it "right." I never had to worry about this particular issue with my boys!!! ;-)


4/16 - Our best night in a week! Moriah only woke once to eat, and the rest of the time she was sleeping peacefully in her crib. I think she's figuring out what nights are all about. ;-)


4/16 - One of my boys is still in his pajamas. Three of them have not eaten breakfast yet. All four of them are happily playing pirates together in Tobin and Shav's room. Who cares about PJs and breakfast when there are bad guys to be fought?? ;-)


4/16 - So grateful for the delicious meal that Michele B. brought us last evening. It was so good! The boys ate and ate and ate, and a couple of them said, "We need to remember to say thank you to Michele when we see her on Sunday!" Just in case they forget, Michele, here is a great big THANK YOU from us!!! :)


4/16 - I pulled a pair of Josiah's khaki pants out of the dryer this morning and discovered pink fuzzies on them. THAT has never happened before in this household. Even our laundry isn't the same since sweet Moriah was born! ;-)


4/18 - We walked down to my parents' house this morning to say goodbye to my aunt and uncle before they headed north again. As we walked back up the driveway, Tobin was beside Jeff; but then he slowed down and came to walk beside me and Moriah, the last in the procession. "It's better if I walk with you so you won't be scared," he told me. And a moment later, "I'd rather walk with you so you won't be scared and get killed!" He was armed only with a container of cupcakes, but I was still grateful for the presence of my little man and his desire to protect and care for me! ;-)


4/18 - This afternoon David was hugging and kissing Moriah; and then he turned to me and said softly, "She smells like some kind of flower." :) I guess I'm not the only one around here who loves that new baby smell!! :)


4/20 - Feeling nourished--in body and spirit--by the delicious meals provided for us recently by Misty M., Alice M., and Kristy J. Their kindness and generosity replenishes my own well when I feel as if I might be going dry by pouring myself out for my children. I am so grateful for them! :)


4/20 - On Wednesday, Moriah reached one of the best early milestones: her umbilical cord stump fell off. :) I'm always relieved when that stinky ol' thing is gone. Plus, it's so much fun to be able to give her real baths now. She smells so, so good when she's fresh from a bath!! :)


4/21 - Three times yesterday, I saw Moriah's face break into a smile. I know it's too soon to expect "real" smiles, but it was still nice to see "fake" ones. A promise of happy moments to come!! :)


4/21 - I rarely get headaches when I'm pregnant. But I'm not pregnant anymore...and today I got my first headache in a long time. Bummer. :(


4/21 - Tonight Allison C. kindly brought a yummy dinner for us which we all enjoyed very much! My mind flew back through the years to a hot, smelly, sticky, sweaty EMHS gym; Allison and I played basketball together in high school. :) Who knew back then that she would one day bring me dinner after the birth of my fifth child?! :)


4/22 - As the rain falls outside, I'm thinking about one of my favorite verses: "There is a sound of abundance of rain." (I Kings 18:41) I love this verse so much because of the faith it took for Elijah to make this proclamation. More of my thoughts on this are in this blog post from several years ago...


4/24 - Tobin is playing with some Star Wars LEGO figures, and he keeps calling the bounty hunters, "bouncy hunters." No matter how many times we correct him, they're still bouncy hunters in his vocabulary. ;-)


4/24 - Psalm 68:19 - "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who DAILY bears our burdens." - During this period of adjustment, I can easily get overwhelmed if I think too far ahead; but remembering that, every single day, God has promised to bear my burdens does much to ease my mind! I'm so grateful for His strong arms to hold me up when I am weak.


4/27 - Before Moriah was born, David would say that he wanted the baby to be a boy so they could have a big lightsaber fight. But today, while David happily pushed Moriah's stroller as we ran some errands together, he confided to me, "I don't know why I EVER didn't want a little sister!" I think it's safe to say that Moriah has won his heart. ;-)


4/28 - What a great evening! First, a date with Jeff - the first we've had for a while. I love him more than ever. Second, coming home, checking FB, and seeing a sneak peek from a photo shoot yesterday with Emily - yay! :) Now, snuggling with Moriah while raindrops fall outside. Life is sweet. :)


4/28 - Only 19 days since Moriah was born, but already I CANNOT imagine life without her!

4/29 - I had the most relaxing Sunday afternoon nap today--Sweet Moriah cuddled like a koala on my chest. I don't know how many more weeks she'll like to sleep that way, but each time it happens, I savor the sweetness. :)


4/29 - For such a little thing, Moriah sure has some huge belches! I'm going to have to add "How to Burp like a Lady" classes to her curriculum. ;-)


4/30 - This afternoon, when I was dropping Josiah off at his SVCC rehearsal, he paused before getting out of the minivan, bent over Moriah in her carseat, and sweetly gave her a kiss. It brings such joy to my heart to see my children showing love to each other!

4/30 - As I was driving home this evening, I turned on the radio; and Tobin immediately complained, "I don't like this." I didn't say much, but simply adjusted the sound so it was only coming out of the front speakers and not the back ones where he was sitting. It was probably less than a minute later that "I'm diving in..." by Steven Curtis Chapman came on. Tobin piped up with a cheerful, "I like this song because of the drums!" Then he added, "That's why I'm wiggling!!" I couldn't take my eyes off the road to look back at him, but I could imagine his happy wiggling dance while confined in a booster seat. So much for him not liking the radio! ;-)

Now that I've mourned the passing of April and have bid it farewell, it's time to turn my attention to May.  The first way to do that is a fun way--it's time to change my blog header and background!!  :)  I never did get around to changing my April one from the "waiting" header I had originally created as we counted down the days to Moriah's birth.  Oh, well.  Now that it's May, it doesn't really matter.  And now that it's May, I get to use a header picture that Emily took a few days ago.  :)

See, Davene, there are good things about May.  Really great things, as a matter of fact!!  ;-)

When Grandma Fisher Is Here...

...we all benefit.  How?  Well, let me show you...  :)

1. She does our laundry.  It's really nice to have plenty of clean clothes to wear.  :)

2. She gives input in the garden and lends a helping hand.

3. She gives the boys lots of attention and is willing to play game after game with them...like Othello with Josiah...

...and Guess Who with David...

...and Monopoly with both of them, while Superman Tobin sits on her lap.  :)

4. She reads stories to Shav (and Tobin, when he's not off saving the world somewhere).  ;-)

I don't have pictures of these next two, but we appreciate them immensely...

5. She cooks for us.  In the first few weeks after Moriah's birth, we were abundantly blessed with meals from friends, but now Jeff's mom is the chief cook around here.

6. She does dishes and cleans up the kitchen.

7. And last but not least, she's always willing to hold Moriah.  :)

It's a tough job, but she's good at it.  ;-)

We are so blessed by her presence here in our home!!!

Something Old, Something New

It is so much fun to dress a little girl!  Other moms of girls had told me it would be this way; and you know, they're right!  I feel like I'm playing with dolls again when I get to dress my daughter in her finery.  :)

Today Moriah got to wear some special clothes to our church service, and I had to take some pictures.  Not that the pictures I took can capture all her cuteness...  :)

One of the pretty items was a cuddly pink sweater that Grandma Fisher brought for Moriah.  It was made by a lady in her home church in California, and it is so soft--the white trim especially.  Plus, the adorable little kitty cat buttons on it add to the charm.  I was glad it was a little cool this morning so that Moriah got to wear this. :)

Moriah's dress is one that I used to put on my all-time favorite doll, Peaches.  She is an old ceramic doll with cracks in the finish of her face and hands, but I loved her.  Still do, in fact.

I'm not sure where the dress came from, but I do vividly remember using it for Peaches.  And now, to put it on my own real live "doll" is an amazing feeling.

Even Moriah's feet got covered in a special way today, with tights from her Aunt Kim.  The tiny shoes printed on them are just the icing on the cake.

Tonight I'm grateful for the gift of a daughter...and for the reassurance that sometimes, dreams really do come true!  :)

The Story of Her Name

Sixteen years ago, Jeff and I met and fell in love in the enchanting city of Jerusalem.  His first marriage proposal to me was delivered at the Western Wall which stands at the base of a very special place:  Mount Moriah.

More than ten years ago, before any of our children were born, we decided that the name we would give to our first daughter would be Moriah.  We had already chosen Josiah as the name of our first son (actually, that was chosen by Jeff before he had even met me)  ;-)  so when I got pregnant with our first child, we knew that we would either have a Josiah or a Moriah.

When I was pregnant with David, but before we knew he was a boy, I thought to myself that we might get to have our Josiah and Moriah.

While pregnant with Tobin, but before we found out that we were being blessed with a third son, I said the possible roll call in my head:  Josiah, David, Moriah.

When we were given another pregnancy so soon after Tobin, we chose to not find out the sex of the baby, so up until the birth, I wondered if we might have Josiah, David, Tobin, Moriah.

All along, it's been the name of our girl.  We've never wavered on that.  

With each addition of a boy to our family, we have rejoiced and given thanks for the gift of another son.  It feels so right to have Josiah, David, Tobin, Shav.  We wouldn't trade any of them for anything, for they are treasures more precious than all the riches of the world, made even more valuable by the fact that they are EXACTLY what God planned for us to have.  

How amazing that God's plan was for us to now have a girl.

Nineteen days ago, she was born; and we named her Moriah.

Moriah Davene, to be exact.  Although we didn't have to think twice about her first name, we did spend some time considering other names for her middle one.  In the end, however, we decided to give her my name; after all, there aren't very many Davene's running around, and we'd love to see that name continue.  ;-)  Besides, it means "beloved," and that's certainly an accurate description of our sweet girl!

Moriah means "God is my teacher," and at surface level, that's definitely what we want God to be for our Moriah.  We pray that she will be taught of the Lord all the days of her life!  But on a deeper level, we think of all the significant lessons that God taught His people on that oh-so-special mount in Jerusalem; and we yearn for our Moriah to learn these lessons in the core of her being.

The first mention of Mount Moriah is in Genesis 22, when God instructs Abraham to take his son Isaac--"whom you love"--to Moriah to sacrifice him there as a burnt offering.  Of course, in the end, God spares the life of Isaac and provides another sacrifice, and there are all kinds of lessons to be learned from this incident.  We hope that Moriah will follow the example of Abraham and always put God first, above any earthly or familial allegiance.

From the life of David comes another important happening on Mount Moriah.  The story is less known than the one of Abraham and Isaac, but it's a powerful one (found in 2 Samuel 24) that involves a plague on the people of Israel, a destroying angel who stands at the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite (which is on Mount Moriah), a God who relents and has mercy, and King David who buys the threshing floor from Araunah in order to build an altar to God on it.  There is much that could be said about this chapter whose setting is Moriah, but tonight I'll simply mention that verse 24 is my favorite.  In it, David turns down the offer of Araunah to give him the land and the materials for the sacrifice.  Instead, David proclaims, "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

When we get to 2 Chronicles 3, we see that David's son Solomon is building the Temple for the Lord in no place other than Mount Moriah.  Indeed, from history we know that Solomon's Temple was built in that spot, then later the Temple that was rebuilt after the Exile stood there.  Now the Dome of the Rock, that beautiful Muslim mosque, stands in that place; and within it is a large slab of rock that is, it is claimed, the very rock on which Abraham prepared to sacrifice his son.  I have been in that mosque and have seen that huge stone; but whether or not it was there when Abraham was, I'm not sure.  I do know, however, that the location of Mount Moriah has not changed; and when I stood with my barefoot (a Muslim policy in holy places) feet in that location, I was standing on a monumental piece of the history of my faith.

Little did I know, however, that one day, my own daughter would carry that name.  :)

Besides appreciating the spiritual significance of the meaning of Moriah, I like the name simply because of the way it sounds!  Even now, I find myself sometimes repeating her name aloud, just to savor the sound of it.  It is so beautiful in my ears--and in my eyes.  Seeing it written out reminds me that this dream of having a daughter has come true.  It is real!  She is here!  God gave us our Moriah!

A little while (a few weeks perhaps?) before our girl was born, our dear friend Valerie emailed and asked if I would please let her in on the secret of what her name would be.  She wasn't asking out of idle curiosity ;-), but because she wanted to make a name sign for her.  I was delighted to share the information with her and even more delighted to receive a special package in the mail from Valerie, containing this wonderful gift:

Thank you, Valerie, so very much for blessing us with this!  I love it!!!  :)

Another place I get to regularly see Moriah's name here in our home is in our laundry room.  Maybe you remember when I was showing pictures of my new system of organization in that room?  At the time, I turned Moriah's bin around so her name wasn't visible because I wasn't ready to let that cat out of the bag yet.  ;-)  But now I can show you...

...and can admit that I get sort of giddy sometimes when I see this.  :)

Yesterday when I was running some errands with Moriah and David, I was standing in the checkout line at Target, and the cashier asked me her name.  When I told her what it was, she said the obligatory, "Oh, that's pretty," or something like that.  But the girl behind me in line piped up and asked, "How do you spell that?"  I was glad to tell her (actually, I'm always glad to spell it because I do NOT want people to think it's Mariah..."oh, like Mariah Carey!" they say...no, no, NO!)  ;-).  Then she said, "That's my sister's name!"  She wondered why we had chosen that name, so I briefly told her about Jeff and I meeting in Israel, and the significance of that place.  She confessed that she had no idea why her parents had named her sister after a mountain in Israel!  Maybe their reasons were similar to ours.  :)

In the past when we've had a new baby, it has sometimes taken a little while for it to feel natural to call that baby by name.  At first, I found it easier to say, for example, "I need to feed the baby," rather than, "I need to feed Shav," or "Would you like to hold the baby?", rather than, "Would you like to hold Tobin?", etc.  But this time, with Moriah, it's been very easy to get accustomed to calling her by name.  She's felt like a real person with her own name for so long that it wasn't hard to make that transition.  Of course she's Moriah.

She could never have been anything else!  :)

The Two Violinists

If you're familiar with the world of classical music, you've almost certainly heard of The Three Tenors.  But the real question is: have you heard of The Two Violinists?

No?  Not yet?

Well, now you have.  ;-)

This past semester was David's first semester of violin lessons, and it's been delightful for me to watch him join his big brother Josiah in the pursuit of excellence on this instrument.  It's really fun to hear them play duets together.  So far, their duet repertoire is limited to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," and "Boil 'Em Cabbage Down;" but I know it will grow.  :)

Four days after Moriah was born, both boys participated in a recital; and you can imagine that I was nearly bursting my buttons with (the good kind of) pride that night.

For memory's sake, I'll mention here that Josiah performed "Long, Long Ago," the version of it in Suzuki Book 2...

...and, for his first recital ever, David performed the theme of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

I'm admittedly biased, but I thought both boys did extremely well with their pieces; and I was thrilled to be able to accompany them.

I don't know what the future holds for these boys, as far as music-making; but I do know that, no matter what, I'm awfully proud of The Two Violinists.  :)

Love's Labor Done

If I could have written these words and taken these photographs, I would have.  They are the words and images of my heart, the outward expression of the thoughts I keep in my mind and savor during these early weeks of Moriah's life.  But I didn't write the words or take the pictures; instead, I was helped by two women--one of whom I know, and one I do not--but whose skill I was grateful to borrow and benefit from.  Sometimes the wisest thing is to let others speak for us.  

Photos by the lovely and talented Emily Sacra

Words by Carol Van Klompenburg, 

as quoted in When the Belly Button Pops, the Baby's Done by Lorilee Craker

Birth
One final push

And you burst forth
Wet and waiting,

Your farewell to the womb
And your welcome to the world.

Love's labor done

I gaze
Awed to silence.

Nine months you've kicked and squirmed
Seen through my womb darkly.

Now face to face

I murmur mother sounds
And touch your cheek and chin.

Love, which bubbled underground
For forty weeks,

Bursts skyward in a geyser
And melts heaven's gates.

In one eternal moment
I hear angel choirs

Echo my alleluia

To your maker and mine.

 * More pictures from this photo shoot can be found here on Emily's blog *

What Makes a Day Successful?

Adding Moriah to our family has been, for the most part, incredibly easy.  It helps that she has a sweet and peaceful disposition...that the boys have been so excited about her and kind to her...that they are receiving extra special treatment these days because Grandma Fisher is visiting from California and is devoted to them...that I am feeling good physically and emotionally (except for brief teary moments, which are expected and don't cause me alarm)...that Jeff has been taking a lunch break and coming home to be with us in the middle of the day...that we've been the recipient of numerous dinners, gifts, and other acts of kindness from dear friends.  All of these factors have smoothed our path as we've journeyed from a family of six to a family of seven.

However, there is a danger inherent in this welcome ease; and it is this:  I start expecting too much of myself.  Because I feel "normal," it's so natural for my mindset to pop back to my normal life, my normal workload, my normal productivity, my normal expectations.  And then I find myself fretting because these days, if I accomplish anything at all beyond the basics of staying alive and nurturing my sweet daughter, I do it at a snail's pace.  I am so slow!  

For example, Josiah and David's room had been needing some serious attention for quite some time; but I had been putting them off by saying,  "When Grandma Fisher gets here, working in your room will be at the top of my priority list for extra projects."  They accepted that, Grandma Fisher came, and I started working in their room.  I'm still working in their room.  Every day I think, "Surely today I'll have time to actually finish this project!"  And every day I find that time flies quickly, I seem to work slowly, and the job is still not done.

When this starts to bother me - when I find myself thinking, "I'll never be able to handle the responsibilities of a household again!" - I do a few things.  I remember Psalm 68:19 which says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens," and I'm reminded to not fret about the future because God is already holding each day in His capable, strong hands.  I also tell myself that I just had a baby 16 days ago, so maybe I should cut myself some slack.  ;-)  Then I think of a post I wrote soon after Tobin's birth, and that helps me focus on what's truly important.  Besides these things, I hear Jeff's voice in my head, saying as he did so gently tonight, "I don't have any expectations for you.  Just take care of our little one like you're doing," as he tenderly looked at Moriah waiting for her bath.

I'm realizing anew that some days, it is enough if my "accomplishments" at the end of the day only include such things as feeding and clothing Moriah, holding and comforting her, nurturing my boys through hugs and kisses and conversation, smiling at Jeff and letting him see joy spill from me, and maybe, if it's a good day, taking some pictures of Moriah and finding one that I'm pleased with.

So what if I didn't finish my work in Josiah and David's room today.  I did something more important:  I cherished this 16th day of Moriah's life, and I captured her sweetness in a photo to remember this fleeting stage.  There's always tomorrow to get to the other stuff; but when it comes to people, we'd better pay attention.  Today.

Wordless Wednesday {Even Warriors Get Weary}

4th & 5th

Moriah already has a few things in common with her littlest big brother.

Like Shav, her due date landed on a Saturday.  Like Shav, she was born two days after her due date, on a Monday.  Like Shav, she first announced her imminent arrival by my water breaking here at home while I was in bed.  Like Shav, she was born in the morning.  Like Shav, she was born while I was standing up.  Like Shav, she was welcomed by a whole bunch of excited siblings.  :)

Can you tell that Shav loves her so much?  He'll come to me at random times when I'm holding her, and he'll want to give her a hug.  Which in his case, usually consists of him putting his head right beside hers, as close as he can get.  Sometimes he'll remember to use his arms to hug her, but often it's just his head.  ;-)

One of the really interesting things that I've noticed Shav doing during this period of adjustment is saying, "Me Moriah!" and then pointing to Moriah and saying, "This is Oddy!" (his pronunciation of "Shavi").  Knowing that young children often regress in some areas when they see a new little sibling getting lots of special attention, I wasn't too surprised by Shav doing this.  If he wants to pretend to be the baby and if he needs a little extra affirmation, I'll do my best to give it to him.  I never want him to feel overlooked or second-best.  He is so dear to me!!!

Towards Moriah, Shav has been unfailingly kind.  He's learning how to act around a baby, how to hold one, how to touch one (gently stroking the head and not the eyes, for example), etc.  ;-)  It warms my heart to see these two little ones together.

What a gift Shav is to Moriah, and what a gift Moriah is to Shav!  :)

My Daughter and Her Daddy

Two weeks have passed since that glorious day when our darling Moriah was born.  Two (mostly) blissful weeks of getting to know her and delighting in the great gift God gave us in her!

Yesterday I took advantage of the fact that Jeff was home during daylight hours and asked him if I could please take some pictures of him with Moriah.  Even though his enthusiasm for photo shoots is quite a bit lower than my own ;-), he agreed and cooperated with all that I asked him to do.  He's a good man.  :)

I also want to give credit where credit is due.  Not only did Lisa first draw my attention to this book (which directly inspired the first and third pictures in this post), she also recently gave me a new lens for my camera; and I used that for two of these pictures.  Even more, she was the one who originally inspired me to do more with photography; and I owe so much to her.  My gratitude is enormous.

As is my love for this man and this girl...  :)

"It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life."

~ Dawn French

"There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself."

~ John Gregory Brown

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express."

~ Joseph Addison

Moriah's Story, Part Four

Part One is here.
Part Two is here.
Part Three is here.

At this point in labor--9 centimeters dilated, six and a half hours since my water broke--I was still feeling amazingly good.  After Barbara, the midwife, checked my dilation, I got out of the bed and spent most of the rest of the time in the rocking chair.  My nurse Arlene knew that I didn't enjoy being tied down by the monitors, so when the required time of checking the baby's heartbeat was over, she started to unhook me; but contrary to my normal pattern, I actually didn't mind having the monitors on and staying in one place--as long as that place was the rocking chair, not the bed--so I stopped her and let her know she could leave the monitors on.  They showed that everything with the baby was fine, and it was nice to have that reassurance.

There was one problem we were dealing with, however.  Very soon after Barbara took over for Ann, she sat down for a talk with me and let me know that my blood pressure was high (well, I knew that already because Arlene had been checking it regularly) and that it would be best to go ahead and start an IV to get some fluid into me in hopes of bringing down my blood pressure.  I had gone into labor hoping to get away with not having an IV--partially because I, as mentioned previously, don't like being tied down, but also because my veins are apparently full of valves and are very hard to stick.  It always takes a few people to try before someone finally succeeds in getting an IV in me; and believe it or not, I don't really enjoy being a human pincushion!  Especially not when I'm in labor!  ;-)  With Shav's birth, the absolute worst part had been when the nurses were trying to start an IV in my arm and I had to lie in the bed while they did it and I dilated to 10 centimeters while they were digging around in my arm and it was horrible.  I was NOT eager to have a repeat of that experience, so a few weeks before my due date, I had talked with the midwife at my regular appointment (it happened to be Ann that time), and we decided that I would plan to not get an IV during labor this time...unless there was a specific reason I needed it.

When Barbara told me about my high blood pressure, there was the "specific reason," so of course I didn't mind getting an IV in that case.  Anything to make sure that labor progressed safely so that my little girl could be born without harm!  A labor & delivery nurse came in and attempted to stick me and, not surprising to us, didn't succeed.  (Not to put down her "sticking" ability...we just know what a tough stick I am!)  But then, thankfully, a nurse from IV Therapy was called, came fairly quickly, and after carefully looking over my arms and hands, found a spot she thought would work.  Sure enough, she got it on the first try.  Bless you, IV Therapy Lady!  :)

This is a picture Jeff took while she worked on me...  :)

Barbara knew, of course, that I wasn't thrilled about getting an IV; but she was so encouraging--even remarking once, as she watched me consciously relax during a contraction that came during the IV ordeal, that I was doing a good job of handling things.  Words of affirmation are ALWAYS appreciated ;-), and her comment brought joy and strength to my heart.

I think it was before this though that we had a special visitor.  Ann Swartz, who had been so helpful during Shav's birth (and who is quite a legend 'round these here parts when it comes to birthin' babies!) happened to be working that morning, and she popped into my room to say hello and chat for a bit.  It was good to see a familiar face, and her energy and enthusiasm spilled over, like they always do.  That's just how Ann is.  ;-)

Speaking of chatting, Barbara and Arlene hung out in my room for a wonderfully long time, and we all sat (or stood) around and shot the breeze.

I don't remember what we talked about that whole time, but I do know that Barbara regaled us with stories about her children and grandchildren and even showed us pictures on her cell phone from her recent trip to be with some of her family.

I found this to be a fantastic distraction; and even when I was having a contraction (which I'm pretty sure I was doing in these pictures because of the way my hand is curled around the arm of the rocking chair and holding onto it), I could keep my mind diverted from focusing on the sensation.  It was still fairly easy to deal with the contractions.

The other huge (really HUGE!) help during this time was...don't laugh...Facebook, email, and this blog.  OK, you can laugh if you want.  I was having so much fun popping online and was so encouraged by what people were saying:  comments on the blog and on Facebook about how people were praying for us and how excited they were, etc...well, all of that was such a buoyant lift to my spirits.  I remember specifically that I got to chat through Facebook with my cousin Doreen in Canada; she just had a baby about a month ago, and it was nice to not only go through our pregnancies together but also share a little time during my labor.  ;-)  Besides just being fun, all my online activity was, once again, keeping my mind off the contractions.  I was completely happy not to pay any attention to them!

One thing that made me laugh during this time was that once, when Arlene was out of the room (after she and Barbara hung out and talked with us for quite a while, they both disappeared to take care of duties elsewhere), I was sitting in the rocking chair, computer on my lap (just like is pictured above).  Arlene kind of hustled into the room and asked, "Are you OK?"  I was a little puzzled and wondered why she asked that.  Of course I was OK!  It turns out that she had been out at the nurses' station and could see on the monitor there that I was having a really big contraction and was concerned about how I was doing with it.  I literally did not even know anything out of the ordinary was happening until she asked me that; then I glanced over at the print-out from the monitor near me and saw the big spike in the graph.  Oh yeah.  I guess I was having a big contraction!  :)

I should also mention the other factor that made this part of labor such a pleasant experience.  Several weeks beforehand, I had put together a list of songs that I thought I'd like to listen to during labor, and Jeff had downloaded them to his phone.  He set that up to be playing during this time, and I LOVED having that music in the background.  Sometimes I consciously tuned into it; sometimes I didn't.  But I believe it helped create a calm, positive, worshipful atmosphere that brought peace to my spirit and joy to my heart.

I really did feel peaceful and joyful.  The absence of fear was amazing.  I'm grateful beyond words for that gift.

At some point, Barbara checked me again and said that I only had an anterior lip remaining but was otherwise fully dilated.  I was glad to hear that, of course, but had no desire to push yet; and Barbara--bless her--didn't rush me.  The same scenario happened during Tobin's birth: Barbara was my midwife, I fully dilated, but she gave me time even after that point for my body to labor down before I started actively pushing.  I wasn't surprised this time that Barbara didn't rush, but I was grateful!  :)

Things continued, for the most part, as they had been.  I was either in the rocking chair or walking to the bathroom or standing.  When I was sitting down, I was either talking to the others in the room or spending time online.  But gradually, changes were happening inside me, and my body was getting ready.  I distinctly remember having the computer on my lap, but then coming to the realization that I didn't want it anymore.  The time was approaching for the baby to be born, so it was time for my attention to shift.  I closed the laptop and set it aside.  I was ready to shift gears.

I still wasn't in a hurry though; and--this makes me laugh--the thing that finally got me ready to push was Arlene and her coming departure.  Her shift was scheduled to be over at 11:00; and by this time, it was probably around 10:30 or so, I'm guessing?  She made some comment about the baby needing to be born before she left, and I knew that I REALLY wanted Arlene there for it, so I decided that I'd better get started with pushing.  It's funny to me that the impetus for the birth was my nurse's schedule; if she hadn't been scheduled to get off until noon, maybe Moriah wouldn't have been born until 11:57!  :)

I think either Arlene or Barbara suggested that I get in the bed, but I did NOT want to do that.  Instead, I chose to stand beside the bed, close to the foot of it.  Jeff came and stood at the foot and held me in his arms.  I swayed a little back and forth.  Meanwhile, the mental battle raged.

You see, I did NOT want to push.  This was when I hit the wall.  I did not like what was going on, I did not like what I was feeling, I did not like what I knew I was going to have to do.  But I was able to maintain control enough that I didn't speak those words; in fact, I don't think I let anything negative escape from my lips.  (Jeff might have to correct me on that, because maybe I've forgotten.)  Inside my head, however, I was trying to cling to truth and peace and strength and all of that good stuff; but honestly, I wasn't doing a very good job.  I knew though that the only thing I could do was go THROUGH it.  I had to push her out.  There was no alternative.

If I am ever pregnant again, I'm going to have to do a better job of preparing for the pushing.  With all of my labors except Shav's, the pushing has been by far the hardest part; and in the case of Shav's, it only escaped being the hardest part because of the horrendous IV-stabbing-while-going-through-transition-while-lying-on-my-back-in-bed episode that immediately proceeded pushing.  With all of the others though, pushing has been my most challenging battle: physically and mentally.  If I ever do this again, it has got to be different!

Well, there I was, standing by the bed, Barbara (in a chair? on a stool?) behind me, Jeff holding me up, Arlene somewhere, other people in the room, I think (nurses for the baby, I suppose?), my mother using Grandma's fan to blow cool breezes into my face at my request.  The time had come.

Jeff was my rock.  I clung to him, he held me up, I drew strength from him, he prayed over me.  By this point, I was making some sort of sound--moaning, I guess, or something guttural.  I can't remember that I was saying any words.  The minutes felt like hours.  I pushed, then had to take a break because I momentarily lost my ability to bear down.  I felt like I had let down all the others in the room when I had to take that break.  I pushed some more.  She was partially out.  I think Barbara said something about her chin being stuck?  (That makes me laugh as I type this.)  I knew I had to push again.  Oh, the agony.  I could feel my baby stretching my body so much.  And then...

Moriah was born.  She was born!!!!!  Oh, the ecstasy!

The time was 10:57.  Nine hours and seven minutes after my water broke.  Three whole minutes before Arlene's shift ended.  ;-)

A chorus of thanks poured from my lips.  "Thank You, God!  Thank you, everybody!"  I felt so supported and encouraged and helped by God, Jeff, my mom, Barbara, and Arlene; and I wanted them to know how grateful I was.

I hardly know what happened next.  I have a dim recollection of turning around to see Moriah as she was being held on Barbara's lap.  I do remember Barbara or someone confirmed that it was indeed a girl.  ;-)  I think Jeff cut the umbilical cord.  I don't think I held Moriah immediately, but I do know I crawled up into the bed and awaited the delivery of the placenta.  Barbara sat on the bed beside me, I believe, and watched over my bleeding and contracting.  The bleeding - yikes!  But before I knew how bad that was, Moriah was brought to me; and, for the first time, I held my beloved, long-awaited, already-cherished, gorgeous daughter in my arms.

If you've never given birth, you might be wondering how a slimy little creature like this could possibly be called gorgeous.

But if you have given birth, you know full well that gorgeous is a perfectly acceptable adjective for one's newborn babe!  ;-)

I was so happy that Moriah was born, so overjoyed to meet her face to face, so grateful to have the hard work of pushing behind me.  So, so happy.

But then things went a little downhill, and my recovery was challenging.  More to come later...