Confessions from My Marriage, Part One

It's Love Month!  But so far, I haven't done anything especially nice for Jeff this February:  no love notes hung on the bathroom mirror, no secret messages sent to his work, no plans for a romantic getaway, not even a blog series focused on our relationship like I did last year.  There's been plenty of the steady, abiding, everyday love shared between us, but nothing spectacular or especially memorable.  I have, however, been thinking a lot about love...in particular, romantic love...even more specifically, some things that I've learned already this year about the love between my husband and I.  Today and tomorrow, I'd like to share two lessons God has taught me about how to be a better wife.  

But before I begin, I'll just mention that, when I got married, I longed to be the kind of woman who continues to grow in her marriage.  I didn't want to be unteachable; I didn't want to act like I had it all together and couldn't learn anything else.  I still don't want to be that kind of proud, stiff woman. No matter how old I get, I want to learn new things about Jeff and about how to love him better, so with all of that in mind, rather than being discouraged or down on myself because of my mistakes this year, I'm actually excited about and grateful for the two specific marriage lessons I'll share.  :)

The first lesson came as a result of a conversation between Jeff and I close to the beginning of the year.  We were discussing our hopes and plans for our daughter's birth; and it soon became apparent that, in a certain aspect of it, we were very much in disagreement.  Although I don't want this post to degenerate into a discussion about this topic, I will go ahead and be specific and say that it was about birth photography.  I had seen some lovely images captured by professional photographers who were actually in the delivery room when babies were born, and I decided that I wanted that for this upcoming birth.  Jeff, on the other hand, opposed it rather forcefully; and before any of you start sticking up for me and lobbing {virtual} rotten tomatoes in his direction, let me reassure you that his reasons for opposing it were sound and genuine and quite valid. 

But I certainly didn't think so at the time!  No, as a matter of fact, after our first discussion about it when his resistance caught me so off guard, I let the subject drop; but I (shamefully admit that I) fully intended to return to the subject, wear him down with my "superior reasoning," and get my way in the end.  Oooo, that is ugly to read.

However, before I could launch my first attempt at manipulation, God got hold of my heart.  He spoke loud and clear to me, and this is what He said, "When a woman is pregnant and gives birth, she has a terrible temptation to be self-centered during that time; but that is not what I want for you.  This upcoming birth experience is not just your birth experience.  It is Jeff's, too.  You may be the one carrying the baby and pushing her out, but do not let that make you so selfish as to disregard how your husband feels.  He carries the load, too--the load of watching you endure the work and needing to comfort and support you.  He will remember this birth; it is meaningful to him; do not make the mistake of assuming that you are the only one whose opinion matters right now.  Make absolutely sure that you do all you can to make your daughter's birth a satisfying experience for your husband, too."

It wasn't an audible voice that spoke to me, but it might as well have been.  There was no mistake about it:  my sin had been found out, uncovered, and exposed.  And hallelujah, thank You, Jesus, for that!  I don't want to go on in my sinful ways and my unspiritual thinking; I would much rather experience and embrace the growth that comes from getting out of the darkness and stepping into the light!

Well, when that word from the Lord came to my heart, there was nothing else to do but go to Jeff and apologize and humbly come to unity with him.  And--I wish I could record this adequately in words, but I can't--the surprise and joy that immediately showed itself on his face and in his voice was...well, it was so sweet that it nearly brings me to tears as I remember.  The amount of surrender that I did was repaid a thousand times by the increase in love and respect between Jeff and I...not to mention, the satisfaction of hearing and obeying the voice of my Savior.

Worth it, worth it, worth it...many times over.

With that disagreement and resolution behind us--with that lesson learned--I can confidently and joyfully await the birth of our baby, having a clear conscience, knowing that I, in no way, tricked or manipulated my husband into giving in to my whims.  And that, let me tell ya, is a priceless feeling!