6 Out of 7

These days, thoughts tumble through my head and words beg to be spilled.  Ideas need to be explored and expressed, phrases want to be expanded, and my fingers ache with the desire to sit down and open the floodgates for the words that press on my mind.

And then, night comes, the boys fall asleep, calm settles, and I?  I seem to be made out of nothing but cardboard.  My strength gone, I collapse gratefully into the nearest chair or couch and allow my body to relax.  Just to sit.  To be.

Here in these hours of darkness when I could be pouring out my heart, the minutes slip by and I only want to rest.  The words stay inside, still contained, unspilled.  For now...

This is why my weekly Arise update did not get written last evening.  This is why this Arise update will be succinct.  This is why I'll immediately fall into bed as soon as I post this.  :)

So, in a nutshell, how did I do this week?  Last Sunday I wrote of my desire to achieve 7-for-7-at-7.  In actuality, I managed to hit 6 out of 7--the one day I missed was because of an early-morning wake-up call from Shav who, from his window view from the crib, saw and heard Jeff leaving for the barber shop during the one day of the week that Jeff has to leave early for work  Shav was so very sad to see his daddy leave; and I needed to comfort him, of course.  So my early morning time was devoted to that; but the good thing is that later in the day, I did make time to spend with God rather than just feeling defeated and waiting until the next morning to try again.  Which reminds me...

I am keenly aware that after my baby is born, life will be turned on its head for a while, and my strict adherence to a 7:00 a.m. wake-up would be unrealistic.  I know that and accept that.  But for now, in these last weeks/months before she is born, I treasure the opportunity to enjoy this stability in my schedule, without putting pressure on myself to duplicate this in the early days of having a newborn.  I'm sure I'll be blessed with plenty of time (mostly in the middle of the night) to pray and meditate and read (if I can glue my eyes open) after Baby Girl is born!  :)

This past week I continued to read and study the book of I John, which I'll finish soon, and Crazy Love by Francis Chan, which I am almost done with, too.  I also started going through Praying God's Will for My Husband by Lee Roberts, a book which had sat on my shelf gathering dust for too long.  After Crazy Love, I want to dive into Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize, a book I've read before but would like to read again in preparation for my upcoming delivery.  I feel like just by mentioning that book, I should write a whole blog post about it, but I won't.  Not tonight...  That whole feeling-like-cardboard-and-collapsing thing, you know...it makes it quite difficult to sit upright and write long, deep blog posts about somewhat controversial books.  ;-)

In my search for a worship song to accompany this post, I came across this one which was new to me.  From the very beginning, the lyrics spoke to my heart:
Father, I see that you are drawing a line in the sand,
And I want to be standing on your side, holding your hand...
It reminds me so much of my favorite chapter in Crazy Love, the one called "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God."  I'm so grateful when the words I read and the songs I hear cut my heart and convict me of changes I need to make.  That's the whole point of this, after all.  I didn't choose to focus on Arise this year so that I could be the same when December 31 rolls around, but so that I could be radically different.  I don't know yet exactly what that will look like, but I know that I want it.  And each day, by His strength, I'm getting closer.