I've already confessed, in a post written on the first day of this month-that-I-can't-believe-is-over-already (hello? December? why'd you go by so fast??), my near failure at choosing a theme word for each year--and more importantly, letting that word have any meaningful impact on my life during that time period. For example, my word for 2011 was supposed to be Less; but did that change how I lived this year? Not so much.
But "hope springs eternal," and I've optimistically decided to try again with this whole idea of a theme word. After much thought, prayer, and even some discussion with Jeff, I've chosen a word:
Arise.
At its most basic level, this word reminds me to do something truly profound and soul-stirring: get up in the morning. ;-) I told you it was profound. :)
But seriously, if there is one thing--just one--that I could change about myself and how I live it would be to wake up earlier in the morning so that I could consistently have time with God first thing, before children awake and the busy day begins. For some people, this is a piece of cake; and if that's so for you, I hereby give you permission to laugh (kindly) at me. But let me tell you, this is SO HARD for me.
I am a night person through and through. Almost every single night, I stay up later than I should; and I only go to bed because I make myself do it. I feel like my brain comes alive at night; my creative energy surges; and the peace and quiet of my home give me the opportunity to think and write and simply enjoy being awake. I never wake up in the morning before I have to. I never bounce up and think, "What a wonderful morning! I can't wait to get up and enjoy it!" I always stay in bed until little voices call for me to come and help them with something.
I desperately want this to change.
Like so many other women, I have such a strong sensation of time rushing by so quickly. I know that I am not using my time as wisely as I could and am, in essence, wasting this most precious of gifts. I'm not suggesting that every minute must be consumed with frantically running around being "productive," because there is certainly a time and place for slowing down and relaxing. But I know that the stress I constantly feel from the "there is too much to do, and I'll never be able to get it all done!" mindset could be and should be lessened by a wise, disciplined use of my time. How many times have I heard, "God gives us enough time for what He wants us to do"? and of course, I agree with that. Unfortunately, I haven't learned to live it out like I want to.
I know, without a doubt, that the key to my whole schedule is the time I awake and the activity I do first thing. For the former, it must be earlier than it has been, and the latter must be time with my Lord.
You can laugh at me further when I say that the wake-up time that I'm shooting for is 7:00 a.m. For some of you, that's ridiculously late. But for me, whose habit is to go to bed every night after midnight (and sometimes quite a bit after midnight) and whose fatigue is heightened by this dear one growing inside me, aiming for 7:00 is aiming for the moon. I need God's help to propel me there, because I'll never make it on my own.
As strange as it may sound, if I knew that God wanted us to adopt a couple of kids this year, I would have more faith about that undertaking than I do about me habitually getting up early in the morning. If I could see into the future and knew that God would ask us to move to the deepest jungles of Africa, I would feel more confident about that venture than I do about my "simple" wake-up-at-7:00-a.m.-for-a-quiet-time project. I suppose the reason is that I've never experienced adoption or jungle life in Africa, so it's easy for me to feel faithful about those tasks (remember, I'm generally optimistic). But this desire to wake up early and spend time with God is one that has been in my heart for YEARS; and sometimes I've had success, but overall, I have a history of failing in this area. Failure, failure, failure. I feel it stamped all over me, and it even makes me tremble to post this and admit my lack of victory in this area.
I've tried so many times to change this about myself. I have made resolutions and plans and goals and had high dreams, but I always fall back into my stay-up-too-late-and-sleep-in-too-late-and-then-be-rushed mode of living. If nothing else in my life changes in 2012, I so much want this one (hugely significant) area to change.
Already I feel challenged by this, and it's only the morning of January 1st I'm thinking about! After all, I'm committed to stay up until midnight tonight. Josiah and David have been eagerly awaiting this special night to stay up late and ring in the new year. After they finish watching a movie, I'll play games with them until we wake up a sleeping daddy on the couch a few minutes before midnight, then go outside to bang pots and pans and set off firecrackers. The tradition must be kept. :) But then I'll scurry off to bed and hope for a successful morning waking. My Bible will be laid out for me, my cup of hot tea will be ready, just awaiting the hot water being poured into it, my alarm will be set, my new cozy robe will be handy to wrap up in during the chill of the morning. I'll do everything I know to do to make this happen.
But I am dead serious when I say I can't do this without His strength. If 2012 brings victory in this area, it will only be because of His hand working within me to transform me more into the likeness of His Son who, "very early in the morning, while it was still dark...got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (Mark 1:35).
With His help, even I can learn to...
...ARISE!!
This post could have been written about me. I stay up way too late {for the peace and quiet to accomplish things} and moan and groan when little voices call to me to wake up. Thanks for your honesty and transparency...God will honor your desires. My husband works many nights away from the house and I am unable to sleep well when he's gone...this has me in a terrible sleep cycle and I really need victory over this area too! Praying for us both to successfully ARISE in 2012!
ReplyDeleteMy word is...gratitude. And being as how you are such a dear irl friend, you can understand the significance.
ReplyDelete~julie
Great word.. I too could do a better job at this! Sammy gets up at 7.. so I would have to wake up earlier than that.. but it seems to be if I wake up earlier then so does Sammy (I have to walk past his room to get to the kitchen).. ideas? How did this morning go?
ReplyDeleteThanks, friends, for sharing your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteLindsay, my only idea for Sammy is to make sure he has a clock in his room that he can read, and teach him what 7:00 looks like, then let him know that he needs to stay in bed until then. Somewhere I wrote a longer post about how we trained our boys to do this, but I can't think where it is at the moment. If you want, I'll dig it up for you. :)
Thanks for asking about my morning; it actually went really well! Josiah made me smile when he came down around 7:30 or so and said in a surprised tone of voice, "What are you doing up?" :)
It's relatively easy to keep a new resolution on the first of January, so I'm not patting myself on the back too much yet. ;-) We'll see how things go a week from now. :)
I'm extremely late to these posts, obviously, but I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing these goals and being real about them. It's been helpful to me to read through these and watch some of the videos, so thanks :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings on your day!
~ Olivia