Tweak...and Tweak Again...Then Tweak Some More

I spent quite a bit of time working on my blog yesterday; in fact, I was enjoying my project so much that I decided to forgo my usual Sunday afternoon nap in favor of more time on the blog.  "But you didn't post anything!" I can hear my dad say.  Yes, but I did revise the pages at the top of the blog--in particular, adding quite a bit of content to the "About the Word-Spiller" section.  I'd been wanting to do that for months, really ever since I started this blog; but I hadn't made the time for it until yesterday.  Needless to say, I enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment that came from finally giving some attention to an area that had been lacking it for so long.

As I was tweaking things here on my blog, I was simultaneously thinking about the tweaking that we do as parents.  When our children are at certain ages and stages, we develop a game plan for how to care for them, nurture and train them, and help them to grow in knowledge and character.  And then--wouldn't you know!--the kids up and change on us, forcing us to reevaluate our strategy and, more often than not, make significant changes to it.  What works for the first child in the family doesn't necessarily have the same effect on the second, and what produces good results this week won't automatically do the same in a month or two.  Tweak...tweak...tweak.  Evaluate...change...experiment...assess...over and over again.

This weekend, Jeff and I were having one of our occasional parenting pow-wows, trying to figure out how to help things run a little more smoothly in our household.  One of the minor tweaks, that has the potential to make a major difference, is that I've decided that when I tuck Shav in bed, and then Tobin, I won't have any of the other boys with me.  I'll give personal, individual attention to the child that is going to bed (although I do say goodnight to Josiah and David at the same time, which is easy to do because they share a room and, almost always, they don't argue with each other at bedtime about silly things!).  It used to be that Tobin would barge into Shav's room while I was going through the bedtime routine with Shav; and then after I would finally get Shav settled and would head to Tobin's room to do his routine, David would come bouncing in, ready to climb all over Tobin's bunk bed and hang upside down while I was reading a Bible story.  Part of me thought, "Isn't it nice that the older child wants to be with his younger sibling?  Isn't it sweet to see them hug?  Isn't this a wonderful bonding, memory-making experience for them?"  But I only thought that during the calm moments.  During the less-than-calm moments, I would think, "Do I really have to deal with sibling rivalry here at the end of the day, right when I'm trying to bring things to a loving, peaceful conclusion???"  Selfishly, I knew that it would be easier for me if I could just focus on one child at a time as I said goodnight, and I would find it much more pleasant and enjoyable to have special one-on-one time.  But I didn't want to be selfish with it, if it was somehow important to let the siblings be together during that time.  So, what to do?

First answer:  talk to Jeff.  I deeply appreciate the clear-headed thinking and fresh perspective that he brings to these situations--whether large or small--that trouble my mind as I strive to be the best mother I can be for my boys.  When I talked with him, he quickly agreed that it would be more advantageous for me to have that one-on-one time at bedtime, rather than dealing with sibling conflicts.  Whew, I felt better!  :)    Second, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my boys get PLENTY of time together.  It's not as if any of them are off at school nearly all the day; if that were the case, maybe yes, we should spend those moments before bed together.  But in our situation, we live life together in so many ways.  Surely for just a short time, when night falls and pajama-clad boys are waiting to be snuggled, we can follow the advice of Khalil Gibran when he said, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness."

After just a few nights of this, I can already tell that I'm enjoying my boys' bedtime more than I have for a long time, without having to, for example, resolve a dispute between Tobin and Shav about whose turn it is to close the door or mediate between David and Tobin about who gets to sit on which side of me as we read about King Solomon building the temple.

And that just goes to show, I suppose, how worthwhile this particular tweak truly is.  :)