Those That Have Young

My friend Lucy shared a Bible verse with me this morning...

He tends his flock like a shepherd:

he gathers the lambs in his arms

and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 ~

 As a mother of four little ones, I land squarely in the category of "those that have young."  What sweet peace comes from knowing that God, my Shepherd, is gently leading me...and as He leads, He always keeps in mind the needs of the little ones who look to me for guidance and nourishment, love and protection.

As we drove the long miles home from Washington D.C. this evening, the memory of Lucy's voice reading that Scripture to me and her face lighting in a smile as she shared those words of comfort and promise with me gladdened my heart.  As I take my weary self to bed tonight, those words continue to wing their way through my mind...

...gently leads...

...those that have young...

...leads...

...young...

...gently.

Five Legs and a Flat Board...

...make a table.

 But pile some food on it and gather some people around it, and it becomes more.  Much more.

 It becomes an Acts 2:42 place.  A sacred spot.  An area where the church (one teeny-tiny part of it) gathers and grows in devotion together.  Holy ground.

Those five legs and a flat board were such a place for us tonight.  Wow.  What a gift.

Friday with the Fishers

I never know what these boys are going to come up with.

This morning, it was taking all the blocks out of the block box...and putting themselves in it.

After the oldest three got in the box, they said, "Bring Shav over!  Put him in!"  Shav loved it and kept saying, "Cheeseburger!" as I was taking pictures.  

But when it was time to attempt to close the lid, he wasn't too keen on that.  Out he came, so the other boys could perfect their disappearing act.  Wanna see?  :)

Happy Friday from the Fisher family!!  :)

A Prince and a King

This is one of the handsome princes that inhabit our tiny kingdom...

...but this...

...THIS is a king.  And all his queens know it.  :)

Wordless Wednesday {Room for Two}

Grateful for His Song

Our family had been enjoying a string of good health.  Had been, that is, until yesterday when Josiah came down with a case of sniffles, sore throat, slight fever, and the like.  And then the germs hit me this evening, just a few hours ago.  Our dinner guests showed up at 6:30, I was feeling great; but while we were eating supper, the first pangs of this cold (or whatever it is) started making themselves known.  Ugh.  I felt so bad about exposing them--and especially their eight-month old son--to this sickness; but despite all of that and because of their kind graciousness, we had a wonderful evening.  "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (Matthew 5:6) is a verse that comes to mind when I think of them.  What a blessing they've been in our lives--a sweet gift of God.

Speaking of gifts of God, this song came back to my memory today.  Long, long ago, I posted it on a devotional blog I used to write; but I had not thought of it for quite a while.  Today it was a tender reminder of God's heart towards His children, and tonight I go to sleep with my ears tuned to His voice.

Hope Deferred, Part Four

Part One is here.  Part Two is here.  Part Three is here.  And now I'm finally getting around to finishing the saga...

If I could sum up my reaction to this miscarriage in one word, it would be this:  disappointed.

It's true, I am very disappointed that my maternity clothes will stay packed away, my due date of March 1 will come and go with no recent or impending delivery, and no tiny newborn will rest in my arms.  But thankfully, I am not the other "D" word.

Devastated.

I am so exceedingly blessed by the four children who sleep under my roof tonight--and by all the other blessings God has lavished upon me.  So, no, I am not devastated.  My grief comes in small waves and is quickly soothed by the knowledge of God's infinitely-higher-than-mine knowledge and power and love.

One thing I'm learning is that trusting God in the matter of having children means accepting His "no" or "not yet" just as humbly and joyfully as His "yes."  I don't know how many times I've told myself--and other women--that God is the one who opens and closes the womb.  Now I'm hearing those words come back to remind me of an important truth:  (to paraphrase Job 2:10) shall we accept an open womb from the Lord, but not a closed one?

Those who have known us for a few years (and those who read my first post about this miscarriage) know that Shav was from an unplanned pregnancy, and I'm afraid that there are those who might assume that this pregnancy was the same.  "Another oops, Davene?"  For some reason, it's important to me that my friends know that this pregnancy was not "an accident" and that this child was much-anticipated and much-desired.  We wanted five children.

In some ways though, the miscarriage was easy.  Not only had we felt cautious from the beginning and so had not gotten our hopes all the way up, but also physically it was without incident, so much so that I didn't even call the midwives right away.  I first realized I was miscarrying on Saturday, July 2, but then came Sunday and then Monday which was a holiday so the office was closed.  By that Tuesday, it was very obvious to me what was going on in my body; and because things were going so routinely, I didn't even feel the need to go in to be checked.  It wasn't until my dad talked to my uncle who had heard about my miscarriage from my aunt who heard about it from my blog and Facebook that the word "Rhogam" came into my consciousness.  "Davene is rh-negative," my uncle said.  "She needs to get the Rhogam shot!"

Why didn't I think of that?!  I've had that shot so many times that I really should have remembered it, but it had not once crossed my mind.  Uh oh.

First thing on that Monday morning after the conversation with my dad (July 18, to be exact), I called into SWHC and explained the situation to a very kind nurse, who after checking with a midwife, advised me to come in for some bloodwork and the Rhogam shot.  I was happy to do that, arrived there in the early afternoon, held out my arm, and let the blood flow.  No problem.  But then, after a discussion with several nurses, the lab technician, and the on-call midwife, we decided that it was really too late for the Rhogam shot to be effective (I was, after all, 16 days past the onset of bleeding, whereas it's recommended that Rhogam be given within 72 hours).  The midwife advised instead that I come back the first week of August to have my blood drawn to be tested to see if my body has started producing the antibodies which could cause problems in a future pregnancy.

So.  Now I wait.  Sometimes patiently, sometimes impatiently.  What will that blood test reveal?  I'm hoping that it will show that my body has not produced those harmful-to-a-future-baby antibodies; the midwife said this result is the most likely, since the miscarriage happened so early.  It would be wonderful if that were the case!

But if not, what then?  From what I gathered, it gets a little complicated at that point.  It depends on how many antibodies the mother's body is producing...and something about titers...and the father's blood...and trips over the mountain to a bigger hospital for further testing...and so on...  But I don't need to cross that bridge until I come to it, so I'm striving to wait serenely until we get the results of my August blood test.   "Striving" being the operative word, because as much as I'm trying to heed Jesus's instruction in Matthew 6:34 to not worry about tomorrow, I'll admit that my thoughts race ahead:  "Will I ever have another child?  I'm really sad to think that my child-bearing years might have ended with a miscarriage.  God, could You please just give me one more baby?"

The other consequence of the miscarriage that was challenging was a general sense of being unfocused and drifting.  When I found out I was pregnant, I quickly began to make mental plans:  "OK, if I'm due the first of March, I think it might be a good idea for us to go ahead and start school extra early this year.  Maybe we could start the middle of July, at least with some subjects.  That would give us plenty of wiggle room in our schedule to take off as much time as we want to when the baby is born..."  After the miscarriage, rather than rejoicing that I still had plenty of summer vacation left, I felt a little lost and found it hard to dive into any household projects or outings or planning for school or anything with much enthusiasm.

I didn't have a grand plan for when or how to tell the boys that I had been pregnant but had lost it, but the opportunity presented itself one day when either Josiah or David happened to bring up my first miscarriage.  Seizing the chance to tell them, I gathered them around me on the living room couch (I think Tobin and Shav were playing in the living room, but didn't pay any attention to us!) and quickly and simply informed them of the recent events I had gone through.  Both Josiah and David were very sympathetic, a little sad, but mostly excited about the thought of someday having another little sibling.  When the oft-spoken comment "I want a little sister!" was heard, I repeated my standard answer, "You'll have to talk to God about that!"  :)  Josiah, knowing the very basics about reproduction, got the funny look on his face that he always gets when the subject comes up, leaned over close to my ear, and whispered conspiratorially, "Can you try again?"  Rather than the hundred other responses that raced through my head, I simply smiled and said, "Yes."  But inside I was thinking, "How sweetly naive he is.  I don't mind at all that, at this stage of his life, he knows that marital intimacy is for reproduction, but doesn't know that it's also for pleasure...and that husbands and wives do it for more than just making a baby."  ;-)

Then David, who had been silent for a moment, piped up and asked, "Do you feel pregnant yet?"

"No!" I laughed.

"Well," he said by way of explanation, "I already prayed about it!"

If only answers to prayer came that quickly, David Dear...  ;-)

This is probably obvious to most of you, but the title of this series of posts comes from Proverbs 13:12:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

The dictionary tells me that "deferred" means "postponed or delayed, suspended or withheld for or until a certain time or event."  How thankful I am that, though my hope is deferred, it is not destroyed.

This summer, I've unexpectedly experienced the first part of this verse.  Only God knows whether the second half will ever be fulfilled in the way I imagine.  But tonight, I'm content to leave that knowledge in His hands.

The Summer I Didn't Plan

Summer is such a unique, special time of year; and I don't know who looks forward to it the most:  me or my boys!  :)  I know some homeschooling families continue their formal learning year round; but we take a break, setting aside our regular school books for the chance to read extensively "just for fun," to participate in some other activities and classes that we don't find time for during the school year, and most of all, to relax and just be.  I try to come up with a great plan for the summer that keeps us balanced between too much free time (boredom) and too many activities (stress and chaos).  Last year, as I mentioned in this Tidbits post, I was very pleased with the pace of life during the summer; I seemed to hit the balance exactly like I wanted it.  I was hoping to do that again this year.

But this year...well...let's just say it didn't go quite like I had planned.

For example...

~ I planned for Josiah and David to take swimming lessons in June.  When we went to register, we discovered that the June classes were full.  As it stands now, they'll do swimming lessons in August.
~ I planned (with Josiah and David's input) for this coming week to be filled with special classes for my oldest three sons:  a pottery class for Josiah, a Spanish class for David, and a Musikgarten class for Tobin.  But then, I got a call that Josiah's class was cancelled because the art room was being renovated, then Tobin's class was cancelled because of low enrollment, then David's class was also cancelled for low enrollment.  Suddenly, I have a free week on my schedule that I wasn't planning on having.

More examples...

~ I didn't plan to have a miscarriage.
~ I didn't plan to reconnect with a church 150 miles away from here and get involved with that congregation, turning our Sundays into day-long field trips.
~ I didn't plan for Jeff's barber shop to get inspected, adding stress upon stress as he complied with sometimes-puzzling government regulations.
~ I didn't plan for our garage door to break, creating a completely unexpected expense in our already-tight budget.
~ I didn't plan for Shav to continue having sleep issues, turning me into a more exhausted mother than I'd like to be.

I could go on, but I think that's enough to convey the point.

I wish I could say I've handled all of these unexpected twists and turns with joy and peace and grace, but I'd be lying.  Instead, I'll admit that I've had more low days than I would have liked, I've had numerous thoughts of "This summer has been really hard.  Why does life feel so difficult right now?", and, what's more, I've started things and not carried through.  That, on the surface, may not seem like a big deal; but anyone as skilled in the art of procrastination as I am(!) knows that it's downright discouraging to have half-finished projects lying around and unmet goals floating in the air.

Here are a few of mine...

~ Earlier this year, I did quite a bit of work in the flowerbeds behind our house, weeding them and preparing them for blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries.  The strawberry area never got finished, and the poor strawberry plants are still sitting in their containers, on top of our grill.  The raspberry area looked great when I first worked on it, but now the weeds have come back so ferociously that it looks almost completely untamed (and that happened because I dropped the ball after planting the raspberries and never got around to putting down newspaper and mulch to keep the weeds down).  The blueberries are doing the best; but even with that, there are a few weeds in that bed that wouldn't take me any time at all to pull...but I just haven't made the time to get out there and do that.  (And who wants to pull weeds when it's 103 degrees outside?!)
~ Because of Josiah's pottery class getting cancelled, I had some ideas for how to arrange for some art classes for him this fall, taught by a friend of ours who is an artist and art teacher.  We were going to include some other homeschooled children, and it was going to be great.  But after the first wave of emails, I never followed up with that, and that idea is stuck in the mud.  Ugh.
~ Of more significance is the fact that I wanted to focus extensively on training the boys in consistently doing their daily jobs.  We've got the job charts on the refrigerator, and we've got the stickers to put in the squares when the day's chores are completed, but there are embarrassingly few squares filled in.  Some of their responsibilities have become second nature to them, but not all; and I was really hoping that they (meaning Josiah and David) would take the initiative to check their charts, finish their jobs, and get those wonderful stickers (which will lead, in the end, to a fabulous prize!)  But instead, I've discovered that without me following up with them, the jobs don't get done.  Since I've slacked off with the follow-up, so have they.

I don't want this to all be doom and gloom, so I'll end with two positive things.  First, the Goals for Summer 2011 chart we made several months ago has been even more helpful than I envisioned, particularly because as I've wallowed in procrastination, low energy, and all-around "blah-ness," I've been able to consult that chart and discover activities that we can do that will give purpose to our days and joy to the hearts of my sons.  I definitely plan to repeat that simple, but meaningful, goal-setting exercise next summer.

Second, Proverbs 16:9 has come alive for me, since it seems to sum up all that I've been trying to say!

In his heart a man plans his course,

but the Lord determines his steps.

Isn't that the truth?!

How comforting to remember that, even in this Proverbs 16:9 summer, God's still in control.  And even though I may not have planned all the things that happened...


...He did!

Quietness and Rest

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

 "In repentance and rest is your salvation;

in quietness and trust is your strength."

Isaiah 30:15

My little boy who can sleep anywhere reminds me that anywhere I am can be a place of quietness and rest, too--no matter how many people swarm about or how many car horns honk or how many children shout.

Ah, quietness and rest.  I like the sound of that!  :)

The Hottest Week of the Year Also Happened to Be...

...the week of Josiah's basketball camp.  It's a very good thing his camp was indoors!  But even still, the temperature inside the gym was stifling, and the kids--and coaches--sweated buckets.

This was what our thermometer said this afternoon:

No wonder the gym got a little lot hot!

I am way too tired to write many words tonight, so pictures will have to do...pictures which are, by the way, not very good because I don't know anything about how to set up my camera to take great action pictures in a gym.  Oh, well...Josiah is in the pictures, so they are treasures to me.  :)  And if anyone reading this is looking at the pictures and trying to find Josiah, here's a clue:  he's wearing an orange shirt.  Now, before my brain totally shuts down, the photos...

 Even though he was tired and hot, Josiah still hustled and put his heart into the game; I was glad to see that.  :)

Josiah had a devoted cheering section.  It was a gift to see my parents sitting there, in that gym where they had watched me play so many basketball games so many years ago...and now, here they were, watching their grandson play in a scrimmage at the end of basketball camp.  So special!

David, ever the faithful copier of his big brother, has already told me that he wants to play next year.  :)

 The coaches (a husband and wife) were excellent.  A little tough (requiring the kids to do push-ups, for example), but kind and patient, too.  I'm sure Josiah's excellent experience this week is due, in large part, to their skillful coaching.

 You know, it's funny.  When the booklet comes out in the spring that lists the summer kids' classes through our local community college, the boys and I pore over those pages, discussing what various classes would be like and trying to choose something that fits our family schedule but is appealing to the boys.  Although I don't like our summer schedule to be packed full, I do appreciate the opportunity for the boys to spend some time learning something or pursuing some interest that is hard to fit into our regular school year.  In this case, I didn't really know how this basketball week would go for Josiah, since his interest in the sport is relatively new.  But, as he came out of practice each day, he exuberantly told me how things were going, and I could tell that he was having a blast:  being challenged, but feeling encouraged that he could live up to the challenge.  From the first day, when he confessed to me that he was a little nervous because he didn't want to be the worst player there, until today, when he finished triumphantly, he kept a great attitude and learned so much.  Turns out that class was a splendid choice for him.  I'm grateful for God's guidance, even in this seemingly little area of choosing a summer class!

The best part for David and Tobin was how they could run around the court at the end of Josiah's session each day; they waited eagerly for that, and even though the gym was at least 150 degrees inside(!), that didn't deter them in the least from taking off running as soon as I gave the all-clear at the end of the official practice. :)

The best part for me had nothing to do with basketball.  It was this moment I noticed today and was fortunate enough to have my camera in hand to document:  the simple act of my biggest boy lovingly and patiently giving my littlest one a drink from his water cup.

I love that, because character counts.  After all, basketball is temporal...

...but kindness is eternal!

For His Birthday, Shav Got...

...a haircut!  See how much shorter his hair is now, compared to these pictures from yesterday morning?   I think he looks so handsome; I love my boys' close-cropped haircuts...and I absolutely adore their barber.  :)

...no nap.  For the first time in his two years of life, he went the whole day without sleeping (unless I'm forgetting a previous time when he did that)!  Jeff took all the boys with him yesterday afternoon as he took Josiah to basketball camp and ran some other errands, giving me wonderful peace and quiet in which to work--one of the most-appreciated gifts I know of.  :)  I thought for sure Shav would fall asleep somewhere along the way as he rode in his car seat, but he didn't sleep a wink.  It didn't take him very long to fall asleep last night, that's for sure.  And I'm also sure--at least, as sure as I can be--that it will be a very long time until he gives up his nap for good...especially because Shav was G-R-U-M-P-Y this morning.  Seems I paid for my easy afternoon yesterday by having a difficult morning today.  :)


...a coconut cake.  Since he's too young to make his preference known, I chose the flavor for him.  ;-)

...a card that plays music.  It's become quite a tradition in our family to give each of the boys a musical card for their birthdays; and now that Shav is two, he's old enough to appreciate such a card, especially because he knows how to open and close it to make the music play.  :)

This video cracks me up.  I cannot keep a straight face when I see David and Josiah's silly dances.  :)

...a neat lamb puppet from my parents.  The unique part about it is that the puppet has five separate "holes" for the five fingers to go into:  one finger controls the lamb's head, and the other four fingers control each of the lamb's legs.  It's very cute--and it's sleeping in Shav's crib right now.  :)

...one gift from us:  a jack-in-the-box.  Sometimes less is more; and sometimes the simple, old-fashioned toys are the very best kind to give.  :)

After his grandpa showed him how to do it, Shav quickly got the hang of it.  He needed a little help to stuff Jack back in the box, but all the rest, he could do himself.  :)

...to go swimming after supper!

And so did the rest of us.  :)

I believe, from the many smiles Shav gave us, it was a very happy birthday indeed.  :)

May you have many more, my sweet little one!