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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

When Brothers Are Best Friends

I read so many things.
We all do, I suppose.  Aren't we bombarded with words as we go through our days, from the time we sleepily read the directions on the instant coffee tin so we can get a first-thing-in-the-morning caffeine boost, to the time we do our last-time-for-tonight check of email and Facebook before we go to bed?
Words surround us.  They teach and instruct us, encourage and inspire us, entertain and enlighten us, but often, they float right over our heads, never to be remembered.
Has this ever happened to you?  You read a magazine article, or an excerpt from a book, or even a quote from a page-a-day inspirational calendar; and what you read grabs your attention so you pause for a moment to think about what you just read; but then you turn the page of your book, put your magazine in the recycling pile, or toss the scrap of paper into the trash.  Only later do you think, "I wish I could remember where I read that.  I'd really like to see it again!"
That almost happened to me when I first read this article.  I almost didn't save it, but I'm so glad I did.
A link to it was included in a weekly email newsletter that my state homeschool organization sends out; and when I saw the topic was sibling rivalry, it didn't take me long to decide to click on the link.  Any help with teaching my four young'uns to get along is always welcome!
I liked the article right away--sentences like "God made no mistake with the gender, the birth order, the number, and the spacing of your children" are welcome reminders of what I already know to be true but need to think about more often. Plus, there are lots more good points, like "Outside activities need to go in the same direction (as much as possible)."
But then I read this:  Do not allow your children to say "my best friend" outside of the family.  Rather, they can say "my very good friend."  Friends may come and go through the years, but siblings are for a lifetime.  And I thought, "Hmmm.  Do I agree with that strict use of the term best friend?"  
I'm still thinking about that.
I wouldn't want to be a legalist about it (so, for example, when David pipes up and announces that Grant is his best friend, I don't interrupt him to screech, "Oh no, he's not.  You can't call him that!"), but I DO appreciate the heart behind it and the point that the author made.  Siblings relationships are indeed for a lifetime, and there is wonderful potential in them for incredible friendships, if developed properly.
Because we homeschool, it's only natural that my boys' closest friendships are with each other.  Once in a while, I worry about that (although "worry" is much too strong of a word for the mild concern I occasionally feel about it).  Sometimes I console myself with the thought that Laura Ingalls Wilder's best friends were certainly her sisters, since she didn't have many other options for friends during most of her growing-up years!  :)  I also think about brothers James and John and the unique bond they had, as recorded in the Gospels.
And then I stop to watch my boys, and I see things like Tobin helping a hesitant Shav learn to walk up and down a hill in bare feet, with both ending up falling down on the grass.  I smile.  I contemplate.  I decide that, even though I'll still encourage them to build great friendships with people outside our family (and believe me, they do; I don't think it's just my biased viewpoint talking when I say that my boys are VERY friendly and get along well with others), I'll be grateful that the people they spend the most time with--and most want to spend time with--are the members of their own family.

My heart is reassured and at rest:  when brothers are best friends, 'tis the very best kind of best friendship!

7 comments:

  1. I haven't read the article you linked to yet, I'll go back and do so, but just thought I'd add my thoughts to what you said!

    I agree about the bond that brothers have. There is no better kind of friendship.

    Even though my boys are not homeschooled and have a 'best friend' at school, I still think they are far closer to their brothers than they are to their friends.

    I also wouldn't stop using the term 'best friend' for someone other than a brother, as surely a brother is someone even closer to you than a best friend. A brother in Christ is used to talk of someone you feel closer to than just a friend, surely?

    Oh, and I do that all the time with articles and books! I think, this is great I must remember it, and then completely forget!

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  2. I love these pictures! My favorite is probably the one with Tobin waving. You have a wonderful family, and I'm so glad you share so much with us. I'll have to check out the link sometime when I have a little more time. Right off the top of my head, my best remedy for scrapping around here is...work! Yeah, it usually happens right about meal time or bedtime, and then I give them something to do (set the table, gather up their blankies, etc.). Maybe that doesn't address the root issue, but it redirects their focus at the moment.

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  3. JDaniel is any only. I hope he finds friends that are like brothers to him.

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  4. sooo sweet!! What great buddies I just love all of the pictures!

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  5. Interesting article. I just came across an article the other day about sibling rivalry that I think can go along with this http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2005/04/help-theres-bully-in-my-house.html
    We have started using this method of working it out. They are still very much in the training process but I really like it.

    As far as the best friends thing goes... I kind of like that idea. My husband is my best friend, and even though I desire close female friends, they can not replace the friendship that I have in my husband. So in that same line of thinking, my children should be best friends. They have a few close friends outside of our family, and I don't know if I would correct them if they called one of them their best friend, but a conversation (at another point in time) about the importance of our siblings being our best friends wouldn't be a bad thing. Afterall, if we can get along with our family members we can get along with anyone we meet.

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  6. I love your thoughts. Brothers are definitely a wonderful thing--although sisters can also be good! While my sister had a "best friend" who wasn't me growing up-and I actively resisted being close in public during my middle-teenage years, Anna is definitely my best friend. Now, as single women and busy medical professionals both, we live together and entertain out of our home. We've been "roommates" now for 23 years!

    God definitely did a good thing when He set us in our families!

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  7. Ah sometimes I think my kids are best frenemies.... We homeschool and for the most part they get along great but they have their moments of getting on each other's nerves. My kids have never been allowed to express that MEANNESS that I see in movies and sometimes we read about in books. The kind that you know you would be safer with a stranger than your own brother. no my kids have been raised to be best friends.

    I was super close to my sister growing up but she married a man who basically severed that relationship. I have a few best girlfriends that I am closer to than my sister, so I do believe The Lord places people in our lives that can be closer than a brother or Sister. My Husband is my Bestest friend though.

    I do so love the pictures. Shav is growing incredibly fast.

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Thank you...
~ for taking a moment to spill your thoughts,
and, in so doing,
~ for being a blessing to those of us who read these words!