Envying Jacob

I don't think I've ever envied Jacob* before.  After all, what's to envy?  Let's see...

~ he was born to parents that showed blatant favoritism
~ he arrived immediately after his twin brother with whom he had quite a bit of sibling rivalry (to say the least)
~ he was forced to flee for his life from said brother
~ he lived for years with the man who ended up being his father-in-law, a man who was just as sneaky and deceitful as Jacob himself
~ he married sisters - yikes! - because of trickery
~ he thought one of his sons - his favorite one - was killed by wild beasts...the good news is he wasn't...the bad news is his own brothers had sold him to slave traders who carried him off to another country
~ his entire family, which had grown to quite a large number, endured a famine that threatened their survival
~ and more

Nope, not much on that list looks appealing.

Of course, he was blessed with twelve sons, and he did have some pretty awesome encounters with God, so his life wasn't all bad.  But I've never really looked at him and thought, "Man, I wish I were him."

Recently I've been reading Genesis again, and I did discover one aspect of his life that I have to confess to envying him for.  He wrestled with God.  For one night.  And then it was over, the sun rose, Jacob was blessed, and the encounter ended (with Jacob limping for the rest of his life as his reminder of that heavenly wrestling match).

So why do I envy him?  Because I feel like I've been wrestling with God for months!  My wrestling match is more along the lines of, "Where are You taking us, God?  What is Your plan?  We are so ready to follow You, but we don't hear a clear call from You.  Where are You, my Shepherd?"  At times, I've thought I've glimpsed some direction from Him, and depending on what that perceived direction has been, I've wrestled within myself to get to a place of surrender to His will.  But then the door seems to swing shut, a huge rock gets dropped in the path, and we're back to the place of asking that most basic question, "What do You want from us, God?"

This struggle has gone on for so long that, by comparison, Jacob's wrestling match for just one night seems easy.  :)

I still wouldn't want to trade places with him though.  ;-)

* to be crystal clear, the Jacob we read about in Genesis, grandson of Abraham, son of Isaac, brother of Esau, father of the twelve tribes of Israel